Defeated

Defeated
Meera~

I heard the door creaking as someone opened it and I know it was Abram. He is home and I was sitting on our bed quietly.

He stepped inside and the first thing he did was look at me. His eyes widened, mouth agaped as he stared at me.

I tried to give him a smile but failed. His expression told that he wasn't expecting his wife to be sitting on the bed with freshly showered and combed hairs with lights on.

"Have you eaten yet?" he acted nonchalant and asked the same question he asks me everyday after returning from his work.

But as usual I didn't reply. Because it's my ritual to be fed from his hands.

He walked towards me and claimed my lips between his, kissing me deeply. His kiss said it all his tiredness, his happiness, his passion and his love for me.

"I will get our food warmed up and... you look lovely" he said and kissed on my temple. I watched his retrieving back walking out of the room.

I let out a deep sigh and my hands started to shake. How am I going to do it? I am dying inside and he will be heartbroken. Oh lord, please give me strength.

But this needed to be done right? I hope this is not a bad decision. And I am doing it for his own good, for his daughter.

I need to leave him. We both are toxic and bad for each other.

Something cracked inside me open as he stepped inside in our room with a dish and that stupid grin on his face. I am sorry Abram, I hope you forgive me.

He sat in front of me and brought the spoonfull of cheesy vegetable risotto near my mouth. Just one last supper with him.

I opened my mouth to take a bite from him. My gaze never averting from his beautiful face.

The things we both have went through, the times we were apart from each other, everything flashed before my eyes and it made me more determined to end this marriage.

We are not healthy for each other. We are deeply wounded now and none of us can cure each other.

"You know today Luis--".

"Marry Charlotte " I numbed myself before saying this to him. His eyes snapped at me and a I flinched as he threw the plate against the wall.

"I think you really need professional help now. You have lost your fucking mind" he gritted, looking at me with sheer anger.

"Try to understand it's for the best" I tried to keep my voice from trembling. He looked at me, this time straight into my eyes daring me to say it again.

"Go to sleep" he commanded and I sighed. Why doesn't he understand the gravity of this situation. I cupped his cheek but he shoved my hands away, glaring at me.

"What do you want from me Meera? Just tell me. I am trying and I really don't know what else to do..."

He sounded defeated. I made him like this. "That's why I am saying marry Charlotte and divorce me".

My gaze fell on his balled fists and then on his clenched jaw "please don't say this again. It sounds venomous to my ears. "

He said and then walked towards the bathroom to take shower. "I don't want to bring her but for the sake of our dead daughter, you will have to do it ".

He looked at me not with love or pleading but with disdain and then he strode towards me and grabbed my jaw, looking at me with pure venomous and battling gaze, as if he is trying not to hurt me.

"Don't bring my babygirl into your fucking pathetic schemes. Don't ruin my dead daughter" he removed his hand from my jaw and raked his fingers through his hair, taking deep breaths.

My eyes brimmed with tears "i don't care. Just divorce me and marry her. You are ignoring Angela because of me. And I won't let you ruin that child's life" I yelled.

"It's my kid, you have no right to tell me how to take care of her" he yelled back. A tear rolled down from my eye. Oh yes! His daughter.

"I don't know I just don't want to be married to you anymore " he grabbed my arms and pulled me towards him.

"Please, I beg you to stop. We will pass through this phase soon and then we will be good again" he pleaded.

No Abram. We will never ever be good.

"I don't want to be good with you Abram. I have nothing to give you anymore. I don't love you anymore. I don't like you anymore." his grip loosened on my arms.

"No...you are lying. You still love me. I know I can feel your love" he whispered and I looked at him blankly. I don't have feelings anymore. I am numb.

"No, Abram I am not lying".

His clutch tightened again almost to painful "I don't care. You are not leaving me ever. End of the discussion ".

I pushed him away and handed him the divorce papers. He looked at me with shock and hurtful eyes.

"Even though it's a long process I made it easy for you. Just sign them please."

He sat on the bed, his big teardrops falling on the papers. My heart clenched painfully.

"And you already signed them" he whispered in broken voice. He looked at me with broken gaze . His baby blue orbs looking as if they lost their light.

"Am I that bad? Did I not change? Please tell me I will do anything" he looked too broken. Too hurt and too defeated.

I sat beside him and took his hand in mine "we are getting shallow Abram and before we start to loathe the mere sight of each other...let's end this. Because i don't want to hate you".

"Meera..." his called my name with tremble in his voice and I wanted him to stop talking to me. It's getting hard for me.

"You once promised me that you will give me whatever I ask for " his chin wobbled and eyes brimmed with more tears.

"Please don't do this i can't live without you".

I gave him a bitter smile "marry Charlotte please and if you won't fulfill my promise then I swear to god I will kill myself in front of you and ...you know that I can do that".

No more tears escaped from his eye and without breaking the eye contact he took the pen from my hand and then he signed on the
divorce papers.

There was something between us and now there is nothing.



Next will be up soon.

Love Pia.