Survive

Survive
Meera~

Things are going down bad. My mind is not in my control. It's playing tricks on me. I don't want to hate Angela but I can't help it.

My heart burns whenever I see her. Whenever I hear her cry or hear her small giggles. She is the most perfect child.

It makes me miss my girl so much. And I am losing my mind. My hatred for her is growing. And I don't want to hate her. Lord, she is just a baby. Who got stuck in this mishap.

She is innocent she never asked to be in this situation.

This feeling is eating me alive and I am unable to stop it. People were right I am an evil woman.

I wiped my tears and hurriedly got down the stairs. I need to talk to Charlotte. I need to do something.

As I walked near her room, I stopped in front of her slightly ajar door as I heard her sobbing. I peeked in, she was rocking Angela against her chest and crying.

"One day...your dad will love you. Don't worry sweetheart he will love you" she said to her and I froze.

'Your father will love you one day Meera...just do whatever he says, my darling'.

I took a shaky breath, as the flashback of my mother soothing me in same manner rushed across my eyes. I used to ask my mama and she would say the same thing.

I have tried so hard to please my father, did well in academics, tried to be like Charlotte but he never appreciated my efforts. He never loved me.

And Abram is doing the same. He comes home and doesn't even hold his daughter and comes to me directly. He doesn't play with her, he doesn't talk to her.

He avoids her as if she is some plague. Just like my dad used to do to me. And I know I am the reason. His whole focus is on me.

I am dragging him with me in that shallow pit. He is just becoming like me. Dark. And I can't keep on ruining his life.

And I won't let him ruin Angela's life. I am not letting him fail his daughter.

Our marriage was cursed from the beginning. And it's enough now. This marriage has no future. If we stay in, then we will do nothing but ruin each other further.

I walked inside her room without knocking, she looked at me and quickly wiped her tears.

"Marry my husband ".

My heart stopped for a moment and my mind swirled, as I uttered those words from my mouth. I wish I had died before uttering them.

She put the baby Angela on the bed and strode towards me, a frown marring between her beautiful brows.

"You need more rest I guess" she said and I gave her a painful smile. I took her hand in mine and squeezed them gently.

"I am serious, Lottie. Marry him" she withdrew her hand from my grasp, and glared at me. "Don't speak bullshit Meera...how can you even say that".

A tear rolled down from my eye "I am ruining him and he is ruining Angela." I said and she gasped, her eyes brimming with tears.

"I am with Angela and he loves her it's just that he is not in the right state of mind but he will come around". She gave me a reason she believed in.

But I know my Abram better. He loves me more than anything, he forgets everything around him, because of me.

And I don't want to be the reason behind a child's not getting her own father's love.

"He loves you more than anything in this world Meera. Please don't say this".

I closed my eyes and all I could see was his face, his eyes, his smile..."love is not enough anymore Lottie". I whispered, because it wasn't.

I used to think love was everything but it's not anymore. The distance is bigger between us now and the bridge is broken too. We are standing far away from each other, we can't reach each other anymore.

"Is this because of Abigail...because he was giving me more time than you...it's why you are angry at him?"

I frowned "I am not stupid to blame him for Abigail's death. And, I understand the dilemma he must have been in...it has nothing to do with that".

She held my hand "please don't do this. I am the reason behind your misery. I was the one who told Andrew to swap our reports. Abigail is not here because of me. Hate me, punish me but don't do this to him".

She cried and I pity her. I really pity her. But I don't feel any anger or hatred towards her. No, I am not some Mother Teresa who is great but I don't care anymore.

Hating and getting angry on her won't bring my Abigail back. And doctors already said that to me that night in the village of lakes that it will be a miracle if my baby survived the birth.

"Are you sorry?" I ask.

She looked at me and nodded "everyday...all the time. Only if I had made myself understand that I am running after something who will never be mine".

The guilt was evident in her voice and I know she is sorry. "I forgive you" I said and she looked at me. Shaking her head in a no.

I am done keeping any kind of burden on my chest. I want to break free now.

"If you are sorry then marry him, take care of him for me please."

She sobbed "please don't do this. He needs you more than anyone, he will die without you ".

No one dies. I didn't die when Ian died. I didn't die when my baby girl died. So, I know it will be hard for him but he will survive.

"I am doing this for him and Angela, so take care of them. Make sure he loves Angela. Keep them together."

Separation is the only way we both will survive each other.



I am crying. Are you? Omg. Too much trauma in my babies life. How will Abram react to Meera's decision.

Thank you for your support. It really means a lot to me :))

Love Pia.