Chapter 48

"But so what, how was it?" she smiled, suddenly adopting a curious expression "No need to go into details, saying whether it was good or not is enough."

"Anne!", I exclaimed, finally regaining my voice, and causing her to jump in fright with a withdrawn expression. "I tell you I cheated on Steve, and all you do is ask me if it was good?"

She was silent for a few seconds, startled, until she spoke again, timidly and in a low tone:

"That's not exactly what I asked, but it works anyway."

"Anne!", I spoke again, passing her and walking back into the room, tangling my fingers desperately in my hair. "Did you understand what I said, or do I have to say it again? I cheated on Steve with Cassano!"

"Okay, so what?" she retorted, looking a little impatient and sitting down heavily on my bed "I already understood that, you just didn't seem to understand my question! Tell me, what can I do now that you've already made the mistake? Is it going to do any good if I keep talking useless drivel, crying over spilt milk with you?"

"I know there's no going back, it was a mistake, but you could at least pretend to be a normal person and give me the biggest scolding or something, and not ask me how it went!" I said, staring at her forcefully.

"I thought you'd known me long enough to know that I'm not that easily surprised," Anne murmured, raising her eyebrows in a defiant way. "At no time have I ever been or intended to be untrue to you, and that's what I'd be being right now if I were telling you off. Physical attraction happens all the time, Lillie, it's more normal than you think. The only difference to a normal relationship is that no one usually goes around telling everyone, they keep things a secret.

I stared into Anne's understanding eyes for a few seconds, totally disarmed. I let myself fall to sitting on the floor, still staring at her uncomprehendingly, and she suddenly laughed at my attitude. Why did I have to have such an open-minded and liberal friend?

"No need to beat yourself up so much just because you couldn't resist the temptations of the flesh, Lil," she smiled, sitting down on the floor in front of me . "If there was no feeling, it wasn't exactly a betrayal.... So why bother?"

I lowered my gaze to the floor, reflecting on what I already knew, but that she had done me the favor of repeating. Everything had been so fast, so unexpected, so mechanical. There wasn't a shred of feeling there, it was pure boner. My love for Steve remained untouched, despite the fact that all the fucks with him were not equivalent to the one with Nicholas in the physical sense. But I shouldn't and wouldn't compare the two. For me, there was only one man, and his name was Steve Suan.

I sighed, psychologically too exhausted to continue the internal struggle, and turned back to face Anne, still smiling sweetly.

"It was all so... Confusing," was all I could whisper, for the first time managing to show some emotion about it, and her smile widened. She bent her legs against her torso and hugged her knees, carrying her curious expression again.

"Now that you're calmer... Can you tell me how it went?" she murmured, seeming wary of my sudden bursts of despair, and I couldn't help but smile weakly. A sudden warmth washed over me, and my gaze was lost in my thoughts, which this time I simply let flow, making my smile wider.

"It was the best mistake I ever made," I admitted staring at her, and I couldn't deny it, it really was the best thing that ever happened to me besides Steve.

"Bye, girls, good class!"

I got out of Mom's car, shakier than bamboo in a gale, and Anne did the same on the other side, fulfilling the nice part of the relationship with Mom that I had lacked since the day before. Anne had slept at home, giving me all the support I needed not to rush off when the next morning came, but it all seemed to have been in vain when I realized that we were standing in front of the school. I mean, I was, because she was dragging me into the school, as if she were carrying a marble statue.

"Would you please come in," she grumbled, pulling me by the arm with a rude face. "Remember what I told you? You have no reason to be afraid!"

I didn't even pay attention to Anne's totally cliché and mistaken statement, who seemed to be seeing this as a silly little thing and not as one more problem in her best friend's increasingly complicated life. I took a deep breath and started walking, against my own instincts, toward the schoolyard, praying that neither of them would show up. Today I didn't have class with either of them, so maybe I could run away before the break, citing severe headaches. Which wouldn't be entirely untrue.

"Let's go upstairs at once, I don't want to stay here," I whispered, grabbing Anne by the arm and pulling her toward the stairs. But she nudged my hand, staring somewhere ahead of us, and my stomach churned as my gaze followed hers.

"Good morning, Mendes.", I heard Steve's voice smile, cheerful as always, and soon his bright Brown eyes turned to me, causing my chest to stab, "Good morning, day flower."

All I was able to do was smile slightly, breaking into a cold sweat and clutching Anne's arm. He pulled a note from his pocket, smiling, and handed it to me, giving me a wink before walking away again. I couldn't help but stare at him, and regretted it bitterly. As soon as he reached the door to the teachers' lounge, a wine thing came out of it, all smiles, and started walking toward the stairs after greeting Steve. I squeezed Anne's arm harder, but she didn't complain.