Chapter 49

Nicholas walked past us, even more seductive than ever in his beautiful new garment, and gave me a brief look. Quick as it was, that look was full of meanings, of which I was fully and painfully aware. Fact: he was my private hell on earth.

"Leave Cassano alone and open that note!", Anne whispered, and only then did I remember the small piece of paper Steve had handed me. I unfolded it shakily, and my breathing stopped as I read what it said.

"I have a surprise for you this weekend. Get ready, I'm going to kidnap you from Friday to Sunday! Love you. xx"

A pain that I had never felt before infested every cell in my body, but I didn't even try to make it go away. I knew that I deserved it. And the culprit for that pain was none other than me. There was no one else to blame. Only me.

I lifted my face a little, feeling my vision blur, but Anne soon realized that I was about to collapse and began to whisper:

"Lillie, you promised me you wouldn't do this!"

I shook my head negatively, holding back tears with effort. What was I exactly? A monster? A destroyer of feelings, a complete idiot? I couldn't pretend to be okay with Steve, I couldn't even look him in the eye!

"Anne...," I mumbled, looking at her, "I... He... No... I can't..."

She rolled her eyes, dragging me toward the stairwell, her expression bordering on boredom.

"Listen here," she growled softly, pulling me up the steps, "You don't like Suan, is that it? Is it Cassano you're in love with? Is he the one you want to be with, is he the one you want to fuck up your life for?"

I denied it with my head, cringing with desperation. Her every question was like a stab in the chest, so absurd.

"Then stop being ridiculous and swallow that cry!" she ordered, authoritarian "Care about who really matters, and throw the rest away! If people didn't force themselves to forget certain things, the world would be full of depressed people."

I took a deep breath, managing to regain my emotional control. She was right, since the mistake was made, I just needed to forget about it and move on, trying harder than ever to make Steve happy. Now that the possibility of losing him had become less remote, it was worth everything to keep him with me.

"Thank you," I whispered, walking up the last few steps, crestfallen, and she smiled, walking away from me to enter her class as I entered mine. For some reason, I couldn't let go of Steve's note for the rest of class, rereading it discreetly from time to time or holding it tightly in my fist as if it were worth my life. Or at least the happy part of it.

" Mom?"

"Hi, honey... Why are you calling me at this hour? Did something happen?"

"It's just that... I'm not feeling very well."

It would be the perfect excuse, at least for me it was. My stomach churned with each person that came into my field of vision, in a physical sign of panic. I was in no condition to stay in school for another minute, so I was faking an angry malaise. The pallor and cold sweat, along with the dark circles under my eyes of someone who had barely slept the night before, were good for something other than making me even more hideous than I already was. While I was talking to Mom on the phone in the office, the girl in charge of school dismissals was looking at me with distress, as if I was about to vomit on her. Which wasn't so far from reality, since I could have sworn I was half green.

"What are you feeling?" mom asked, worried by my hoarse tone of voice, and I swallowed the urge to scream for her to stop asking questions and just come and get me.

"I don't know, I'm a little dizzy and nauseous. Come and get me," was all I could manage to answer, and suddenly, a wine-colored being stopped right next to me at the desk, placing a folder full of papers on top of it without the least bit of politeness.

"That's it for today, Lizzie," he grinned, all squishy, at the girl in front of us, and slung his backpack over one shoulder, turning around and walking behind me toward the exit door. I could have sworn it took him twice as long to do this as his perfume infested the room, making me even more dizzy.

"Lillie? Can you hear me?", Mom said, as if it wasn't the first time she had asked that, and I found that her words were just noises while Nicholas was nearby. Paying attention to more than one thing was not easy for me today.

"Sorry, Mom, what were you saying again?" I stammered, rubbing my forehead vigorously with my free hand.

"If you'd rather wait, I'll come by in an hour or so, but if you want to leave, take a cab and call me when you get there. Use the money I gave you for emergencies, okay?

You said it right, Mom. Emergency.

"Okay," I answered, hanging up without even waiting for an answer, and smiled weakly at Lizzie, who returned my smile with relief as I picked up the folder Cassano had left with her. I hurriedly left the office and only stopped when I reached the sidewalk in front of the school. I looked around, thinking of the easiest and quickest way to find a cab, and saw someone stop beside me.

"Beautiful day, isn't it?" the bastard voice of Nicholas murmured, making me almost jump with fright at his sudden presence. I don't know if I've said this before, but I hate myself. There is no one I hate more in this world than myself, and not even the strong competition comes close to changing my opinion.

I ignored his comment about the gray, heavy sky, and took a deep breath, trying to calm the trembling in my legs so that I could get out of there soon. Needless to say, he started talking again, right?