Being Alive

Being Alive
Mark's POV

I sit with Donna in the waiting area. Waiting to see Gray, I am still worried and terrified. I don't want to see my baby at this moment. I want to make sure that Gray is fine. I need to see her. If she didn't make it, then I don't know what I would've done, let alone look after a newborn baby on my own.

I wasn't careful enough. I was always careful when it came to having kids before Gray came into my life. I wanted four kids and Gray went on the birth control shot. That didn't help. I asked Donna to call Reggie. I needed him. He was always by my side when things went wrong and I need him now.

I feel like I can't even look at my son after what happened. I shouldn't be blaming him. I should blame myself.

"Hey, I came as fast as I could." Reggie says as he takes a seat next to me.

"Thank you for being here." I say, still not looking at him.

"How are they?"

I shake my head, trying to hold my tears back. "The baby is fine but Gray isn't. I nearly lost her."

"Sh^t, I'm sorry. What does the doctor say about her?" he asks.

"She is getting a blood transfusion. She lost a lot of blood during the birth. This is all my fault and I can't even look at my baby." I say.

"Your baby is innocent in all of this. Gray should be fine then. She isn't dead." he says.

"I know, but that was a f^cking scare." I say.

"You should rather be careful so that you don't have another surprise baby. All births are different."

"I will have a vasectomy. It's for the best." I say.

"If you feel that you want to have it done, then do it. You have more than enough kids now." he says. He is right, I do have more than enough.

"If she died, I wouldn't know what to do with myself. How would I have managed with four kids and a newborn? Getting a nanny, yet my wife wouldn't have been here. I probably would've resented my son for this, but how can I think to blame a newborn when it is my fault?" I say as a tear escapes.

"You have been through a lot, you have a happy life and just when life throws you obstacles doesn't mean that you should go back to being someone that picks up a bottle, drink and lose your temper. You have kids, they need you more than anything. Gray will be okay. Once you see her, then I am sure that you will feel much better." he says.

"How can I feel much better after that? It will be in the back of my mind." I say.

"It will fade away," he says.

"As much as I try, I just see Gray going lifeless in front of me. Its like I can still feel her hand losing its grip on mine. Being thrown out of that room because I couldn't be with her. To tell her that I was there." I say, wiping my tears away with the back of my hand.

"She is fine." he says. "I will ask Jamie to get the kids from school and keep them at our place until you are ready to have them back home. Spend this time with Gray and your son." he says.

"I would appreciate that." I say as I look at him. He has concern on his face yet he gave me a small smile as an encouragement. He was the best friend that I could always turn to in situations.

The doctor eventually came and I stand up. "Gray is doing okay. You can go see her now." he says.

"Thank you." I say and I walk down the hall to see my wife.



Gray's POV

I feel my hand being gripped and I open my eyes, squinting at the light. "Gray." I hear beside me. I look to my side and I see Mark. He gives me a small smile.

"Hey." I managed to say. "Where is the baby?" I ask.

"The baby is fine. This scared me." he says with concern.

" I'm sorry." I say, closing my eyes again.

"This is not your fault. It's mine for getting you pregnant again."

"We didn't know that this was going to happen." I say. " What is the baby like?"

"I haven't seen him yet. I wanted to see you first to make sure that you're okay. I nearly blamed him for this." he lets out a breath.

"Don't blame him. I want you to love him." I say.

"I do." he says.

"Not enough after what happened."

"I will go see him but I will be back soon." he says.

"The kids." I say, not knowing who is taking care of them.

"Jamie will get them from school and they will be there until we are ready." he says and I nod.

"I would like to see him." I say.

"We need a name for him too."

I smile weakly. "Mason, I always thought that it would be a nice name for him."

"Mason, it will be." he places a kiss on the top of my hand. He lowers my hand, still holding on. His facial expression was serious. "I will see a doctor for a vasectomy. After this scare, I cannot risk anything like that again. So, I am being extra careful. We have a family and our kids are enough. I made the decision to get it done." he says.

"I support your decision." I say. "I cannot be popping out babies anymore." I smile.

"You have given me more than enough and I won't lose you." he says.

"You I won't because I'm not going nowhere." I say.

It was a scare for me too, knowing that I almost died. But I am here with Mark, he has always been correct when he said that life is too short.