Chapter 174 A Bitter Goodbye

Chapter 174 A Bitter Goodbye
~Teyana’s POV~
I went to the hospital that morning believing I still had time.
Before now, I had been resting in my apartment with Carol by my side. Jeremy didn’t look back. He hadn’t reached out. My healing was quite fast too.
I only experienced body weakness every now and then- including the heaviness in my heart that stayed and refused to go. 
John had been going to see my mother frequently. He must have felt guilty after I confronted him. He called me regularly, and even sent some huge sums to my account without informing me ahead- so that I wouldn’t lack anything I needed for proper healing.
This morning, I was ready to see my mother. I was eager to face her again after we talked on the phone last night. As usual, she was able to spot the hesitation in my voice and had asked if I wanted to tell her anything.
She had asked about the baby too and had made me promise again that I wouldn’t remove the pregnancy. If only she knew. I had wanted to tell her on the phone last night, but I hesitated. I was going to summon courage and tell her everything today- and ask that she forgive me for my impulsive action.
I sighed as I readied to leave the house, smoothing the floral middle-length gown I had on with my hands, and adjusted the stray hair that had slipped from my neatly packed-bun.
~
I walked into her ward quietly as usual. The curtains around her bed were half drawn, letting in pale morning light that didn’t quite reach her face.
She was still sleeping.
My chest suddenly felt heavy. I pondered on waking her or wait till she did herself. Then I thought- I could wake her by just pouring everything into her sleep.
Maybe she would think she was dreaming and hear them all. That was easier. I lowered myself into the chair beside her bed, smiling sadly at her thin frame. She had lost so much weight.
“Mum…” I started, the words choking in my throat. But I would say them. I didn’t want to keep anything from her. Not when her days were already numbered. The thought of it pinched me all over.
“I lied to you, mum.” I swallowed. “I…I didn’t keep the pregnancy. I removed it.” Tears gathered in my eyes, my voice turning hoarse in a matter of seconds.
“And the worst part of it all is that…I regretted it. Carol informed Jeremy behind my back. He came. He was so angry. He said he would have protected the baby with everything in him.” I was sobbing now.
“I shouldn’t have taken decisions into my hands. Jeremy was so angry, mum. And I know you are angry at me too. I’m so…” I let out a shaky exhale. “I’m so sorry. Everything feel wrong. I regret it so bad. I should have just listened to you.” I broke, letting my head fall against her body and cried. Crying into my mother’s body was comforting.
What wasn’t was that I expected her to have woken by now with all the noises I had been making. My mother wakes easily when I’m around her. It’s a thing. At the sound of my voice, even footsteps. But I had been ranting and crying and she hadn’t made a sound.
My head jerked up from her body, something cold wrapping around me. My heart thudded loudly in my chest. I hated the feeling.
“Mum,” I whispered, shaking her thin arm lightly. 
She slept a lot now. Sleep had become her constant escape. She must have been too weak, nothing more. I placed my bag down, watching her face for movement, for the rise and fall of her chest, for anything that could ease my racing mind.
“Mum,” I called again, a little louder this time.
Still nothing.
I reached for her hand.
It was cold.
Not hospital-cold. Not air-conditioned-cold.
It was… wrong.
My fingers curled around hers instinctively, like I could warm her back to me, like heat alone could undo whatever had happened while I was away. I leaned forward, my forehead almost touching the bed.
“Mum?” My voice cracked this time. “Please wake up.”
Silence.
The machines beside her were quiet now. I just noticed. I stared at them as if I could will them to start making noise again. “No,” I whispered. “No, no, no…”
I shook her gently again. She remained still.
Something inside me splintered then. I screamed for the doctor. 
When the nurses came, when the doctor followed, when they checked and rechecked and finally looked at me with that look—I already knew.
But knowing didn’t make it easier.
“She passed peacefully,” the Carters’ family doctor said as if the word ‘Peacefully’ could make me feel any better.
I shook my head slowly. The weight of it settled around me heavily. The woman who had been my first home, my safest place, my constant, was no more? I mean…we talked on phone last night. She should be scolding me with her weak voice by now after all I had spilled to her earlier- all I had thought she could hear.
My knees gave out.
A broken sound broke from my throat. It didn’t feel like my voice. 
I held her hand long after they told me I should let go. I begged her to wake. She didn’t. 
And that was when it hit me fully. My mother had left me. I was alone now.