Chapter 20

Reagan:

My stomach tightened when I thought about how in a few hours, I would be in a makeshift ballroom with a hundred or so people watching me. They’d probably want to talk. Maybe even touch me. Or ask where I’d come from, if they didn’t already know.

“Are you still all good with this?” Pippa asked from behind me. We sat on her bed, covered in supplies for our gussying up. She’d been brushing through my hair for almost an hour, and that had come after the cutting. It barely fell past my shoulder blades now.

“Yup,” I said in a breath. “So good.”

She knew I was lying, but we had a party to get ready for. Pippa had already done her hair and offered to fix mine before we had to leave. She’d pinned her own up in braids that wrapped around her head. With the colors mixed in, it looked like paint splotches. It looked cute, and especially with the purple eyeshadow and matte red lipstick. I, however, looked like a mess.

I stared at the waste basket beside the vanity, knowing a bunch of my hair sat in it. It was weird, doing something this normal. Everyone got haircuts. I hadn’t had one in more than ten years, and I thought it would have been harder to let Pippa do it. It felt like a weight off my shoulders. One less thing to remind me of where I’d come from.

Pippa wouldn’t tell me what she planned on doing with my hair. The surprise element of it was supposed to be fun or something, but I didn’t see how. I hadn’t gotten to see my makeup either, but I’d watched her paint it onto me. I also supposedly had a dress in her closet. Again, I hadn’t seen it.

Suddenly, I knew Noah was close by. It had come out of nowhere, but my insides tugged as he walked closer.

“Raaawr!” he growled with ferocity from the hallway. I glanced over in time to see Clare running past the door, giggling in her little giraffe onesie, complete with antlers.

I finally saw Noah. Something in my chest eased, then went stiff again when he didn’t look at me. It was stupid, but I wanted his attention. I wanted to know that I was on his mind as much as he was on mine.

Noah scooped Clare up, tossing her in the air before he caught her. He set her on his shoulders, not even wincing when she grabbed his hair for balance.

“I’m gonna have to eat your head now!” Clare shouted.

“If you must,” Noah fake cried.

She growled before wrapping her arms around his head, doing her very best to get a nibble in. He made sounds of pain, stopping dead when he heard Pippa giggle. Turning to us, he waited for someone to speak.

“I didn’t know giraffes ate people,” I said.

Clare popped her head up, enthusiastically declaring, “If I cannot move heaven, I will raise hell!”

Noah chuckled, but I didn’t find all that funny that the little girl might have been plotting the domination of the world.

“Good girl,” Noah said, digging into his pocket. He pulled out a bag of gummies and handed her a cherry one. When he saw me staring, he smiled crookedly. “We must train the next generation.”

“And we will,” I said. “Does it have to be with murder?”

“It should be.”

He stared at me then, and my heart skipped a beat when I heard his breath catch. It couldn’t have been for me, but I hoped anyway.

“You cut your hair,” Noah said.

“Pippa did,” I answered.

“That’s right,” she said from behind me. “I’m getting her all dolled up for the party. The kids are next.”

Clare gasped, tapping Noah so he would set her down. When he did, she turned to stare up at him. “I have to stay here so Pippa can help me with my dress.”

“Okay then,” her brother said.

“Are you gonna wear a suit if we all have dresses.”

Oh, I very much would have liked that to happen. “Yeah, Noah. Are you?”

He cocked an eyebrow at me. “I don’t think I even own a suit.”

“You should,” I said, and I hoped to god it didn’t sound like a purr.

When Pippa giggled behind me, Noah shot her a death stare. I had no idea why, so I assumed I’d missed something. I waited, thinking they would get into some kind of bickering match. It never came.

“Noah,” Clare said. “Are you gonna sleep with Reagan again tonight?”

I swore he turned red. “What?”

“Are you gonna sleep with her?” Clare asked again.

Noah blinked. “Why, why would you ask that?”

Clare cocked her head, confused. “Because I want to make sure I know what room to go in if I have a bad dream. You guys keep changing rooms without telling us. I couldn’t find you last night.”

“Sorry, honey. Um…” Noah looked to me again. “I don’t know if we’re sleeping together tonight.”

“Personally,” Pippa started. “I think you should. Which reminds me. Reagan, have I yet told you of the many benefits of sleeping without pants on? I bet you would get a hell of a lot more out of it than I would.”

While Noah growled, I said, “But then I would be in bed with Noah and not have pants on.”

“Hmm,” Pippa said. “Would you? I didn’t think of that. You should go for it anyway. Have you ever gotten to sleep naked?”

“Pippa,” Noah warned while his little sister laughed at the word naked.

“What?”

“I haven’t gotten to sleep naked,” I said. “I was a little busy being locked up with my sister, and they didn’t use heating. Clothes were kind of needed.”

I hadn’t meant to make everyone feel awkward, but I had. Noah dismissed himself, leaving the three of us to finish getting ready.

Pippa worked on my hair while I tried really hard to not think of being in bed with Noah.

I didn’t realize it would take so long to get ready for a party I’d been told would be fairly casual. It wasn’t a ball or anything. Literally just a bunch of people looking for an excuse to eat snacks and get chummy with their alpha and his closest friend.

Pippa got me into my dress, which I actually didn’t hate. It was crimson, with lace sleeves that went down to my wrist. The skirt stopped at my knees, flowing freely. The edges of it matched the lace pattern that went across the top of my chest and down my arms. I frowned at the hole in the front.

“Every good dress needs a boob window,” Pippa assured me. “This one is fairly classy.”

I stared at my own cleavage, deciding that it would probably be fine. The top of the dress was cut into what Pippa called a sweetheart neckline, and the lace sort of ended up looking like a little jacket that went over the dress. I understood nothing about fashion, so I had to trust her. Putting my fate in the hands of a fourteen-year-old would definitely come back to get me.

“You guys ready to…” Noah got out when Pippa and I arrived at the front door. He turned, eyes landing on me first. I missed everything in his stare, too busy doing the same to him.

“Didn’t have a suit?” I asked, tugging on the rolled-up sleeve of his button up.

He adjusted the dark red tie that hung in front of him. “Nope, but I thought this would do fine.”

I nodded in agreement. “It will.”

When we had all the kids gathered up, we left for the party.

The sun was just on the edge of setting. I heard the chatter of people on their way to the converted auditorium, and I could see some of them leaving their houses to get there. I’d been told the chairs had all been put away so there’d be plenty of room to dance, but I hadn’t gotten a confirmation that I wouldn’t have to dance.

I was very, very aware of all the people around me. The kids surrounded Noah as we walked down the path to get to the town center, but it was more than that. I knew them, so they weren’t the ones setting my teeth on edge. Every time I looked around, I saw more people headed to the same place we were. I couldn’t get the thought out of my head that they would all be in that same place, for me and Noah.

“You sure you want to do this?” Pippa asked me. “We can make up some reason for you to go home.”

I swallowed hard. “Can you? I would rather just go watch a movie or something.”

“I wouldn’t be able to join you,” Noah added. “I’ll have to make an appearance, but the kids can keep you company.”

It looked so easy for Noah. He went to go talk on stage like it had been nothing, both planned and unplanned. If it had been me, I would have had a heart attack. I didn’t want to be that person anymore. I might not have been alpha, but I wanted to be strong like one.

I took a deep breath, stood up straighter, and looked at the building. I could do this. It was nothing compared to what I’d been through.

“I think I’ll be fine,” I decided.

“Are you positive?” Noah asked. “I’ll get you home if you need it.”

I shook my head, reaching out for his hand. He took it, and then we walked inside.

A crowd cheered for us when we’d entered the auditorium. I hadn’t been prepared, and I huddled against Noah and the kids. Simon stood in front of me, with Jamie on my other side, my other hand in his. He squeezed it, his face going pale when he looked up at all the people. Lizzie whispered something in his ear before kissing his cheek, and he calmed down in an instant.

“Let’s go get some snacks,” Pippa said, reaching out for hands. Clare and Allison took them, while Simon said goodbye to me so he could go too.

A few tables had been put in the corners, decorated with purple cloths. People scattered around them. A table against the wall had been laden down with more food and drinks than anyone could possibly eat.

“Well, I guess we’re alone,” Noah said. When I looked around, the kids had scattered to go find their friends. I stood with my only friend, and it barely kept me calm.

“What are we supposed to do?” I asked.

“Mingle,” Noah answered.

“Fuck…”

“Yeah.”

We didn’t get a full step before two people around my age approached us. Twins, I decided, because the both of them looked so similar. They had the same dark skin, mint green eyes, and cupid’s bow on their lips.

“Hey,” they said at the same time. “Nice to meet you,” the girl went on. “I’m Joey, and this is my brother, Taylor. Sorry we didn’t introduce ourselves earlier, but things seemed a little crazy.”

I shook their hands, and it wasn’t nearly as bad as I thought it would be. “Nice to meet you. I’m Reagan.”

“We know,” Taylor said. “Everyone at school’s been talking about you. It’s kind of a big deal when an alpha Mends.”

“Everyone?” I asked.

“Kinda.” Joey’s expression turned somewhat sheepish. “Mostly they’re curious about you. It’s a little odd to have something other than a wolf move in with a pack.”

“But we’re obviously fine with it,” her brother said. “If you need to know anything, you can come find us. We live over at the house right next to the big willow tree.”

I thanked them, and they both walked away.

I exhaled, crossing my arms. “Okay, well this isn’t the nightmare I was prepared for.”

“Glad you think so,” Noah said. “Let’s see if you agree when we’re sitting down to write all the thank you letters.”

“Thank you letters?”

Noah pointed to the table I’d missed, stacked high with presents all in pretty wrapping paper. People had gone out of their way to get us presents for doing something almost every single person in the world got to do. It felt odd to be standing there, in a situation so pleasant. Of course, I only had one person on my mind.

I’d missed the tears on my cheeks, but Noah didn’t. He brushed them away, pressing his lips to the top of my head. I gathered myself fast. If I started sobbing every single time I felt bad, then I would never do anything else.

“You hungry?” Noah asked.

We went to the food table and started putting together a big plate to share. Everything smelled amazing and homemade. Noah had to tell me what half of it was. I trusted him to pick out things he thought I would like. As it turned out we had almost the exact same taste.

“Oh, did you like my pulled pork?” I heard from behind me. I turned, seeing an older woman with graying hair. She smiled kindly, pointing to the silver container on the table. “It was that one.”

“We haven’t gotten to it yet, Mrs. Harris,” Noah said, “but it smells like we’ll love it. Thanks for bringing it.”

She put her hand on his shoulder, reaching up to give him a peck on the cheek that he didn’t protest. “I’m so happy to have gotten to do it. Congratulations, both of you.”

I shook her hand too, but it turned out she was a hugger. I let her, but I had to push away all the thoughts that came with being touched without asking. I told myself I wasn’t in danger. No one would hurt me or ask me to do something I didn’t want to do.

“You’re so pretty,” Mrs. Harris said, looking my outfit up and down. “Look at you.”

“Thank you,” I said, cheeks heating.

“I should go get my husband so you can meet him. He runs the library.”

I perked up instantly. “I had no idea you guys had a library.”

“It’s not as big as Jeffrey would like, but I think it’s quite wonderful. There’s a three book at a time limit,” she said, and then dropped into a whisper, “but we can make an exception for you if you’d like, honey.”

I hadn’t been expecting so many people would be this kind to me, but it made it easier to go through the room and mingle. Noah stayed close, holding out the plate of food to me so we could share it. I became less concerned with eating and much keener on making sure I talked to everyone.

I did pretty good until I spotted Leon and that Alex girl at a table, their eyes on me and Noah while they talked. They both looked irritated, like something I did wasn’t up to their standards. I noted a few eye rolls here and there. They might not have liked me much, but that didn’t stop them from dressing up for the party. Alex had her hair in little buns on her head, and a dark blue dress that looked new.

“Don’t hate me,” Noah said, bending low to my ear.

“Uh oh…”

“Yeah. This is going to sound really cheesy, but I was hoping you’d dance with me.” He instantly broke eye contact, staring at the floor. “It’s just that I don’t know when I’ll get my next chance.”

Most likely at his upcoming wedding. The thought put a pit in my stomach. How am I supposed to deal with the fact that I wanted someone who would soon belong to someone else? I had no one I could have asked. What a nightmare, to be in love with your Mend, and have to watch them every day with someone else. Though I didn’t really have to imagine, because that would likely be my future.

Mine the voice hissed in my head as I took Noah’s hand.

He brought me out to the dance floor, everyone parting a bit to make room for us. Noah immediately spun me, catching me by the hips when I faced him again.

He knew I had no idea how to dance, so Noah took the lead while we swayed to a song I didn’t know. To be fair, I didn’t know most of the songs playing. I’d missed out on a decade of music. All the sour thoughts that went along with that melted away, letting me enjoy this moment.

Even in a crowd, this felt like something peaceful and quiet. I’d had so many quiet moments in my life—literal days on end where I wouldn’t speak or hear voices. I hadn’t realized that the quiet didn’t have to be a bad thing. It didn’t have to be a prelude to horror.

I didn’t know how much time passed before the dance ended, but I had no will to move away from Noah. My head had been pressed to his chest, and his hand locked securely on my waist. I wished the dress had less fabric to it, because I missed the feeling of his skin on mine. Selfishly—foolishly—I imagined so much more with him than I could possibly have.

“I apologize, but I think it’s time for me to say something to the crowd,” Noah sighed. “You can go sit with Pippa and Simon if you want.”

The kids ate dinner together, smiling and laughing about something. I would have been glad to join them, but courage decided to pay me a visit.

“No, I’ll go with you.”

Noah’s eyebrows lifted. “You sure?”

“Positive.”

We went to stand in front of a stage. Adam handed Noah a microphone and the music from the speakers died. It came so easily for Noah, and his diplomacy shined through as he started talking to everyone. I watched him, thinking that there could have been no better alpha for this pack.

I looked around at the faces watching us. I’d spoken to almost all of them, and they looked real to me now. It had been easy to see them as background before tonight, but I wanted that to end. This was my home, and they were my pack.

They applauded when Noah finished, and he went to put his microphone down. Again, that pesky courage came back to me, or maybe it was fear. I tapped his shoulder, asking if I could speak. Worried as he looked, he handed over the microphone.

“Hello,” I said, my voice shaky as I gripped the mic with both hands. “Um, so thank you all for coming, and thank you for being so accepting of me. I understand it must have been hard for a lot of you, especially with everything going on lately. It means the world to me that you even let me in the door. I might not be a wolf, but I’m going to do everything I can to protect you all.”

“Oh, you’re going to protect us?” Alex asked before she took a sip from her drink. “Great, I feel so safe now that some little girl is gonna, what, glare at our enemies?”

“Alex, shut up,” Leon said from behind her. He yanked the drink from her hand.

“No, I don’t think I will.” Alex took a step closer to me, eyes locked with mine. “Are we all really going to clap and celebrate this? That our joke of an alpha has one more weakness?”

Noah started to growl. I had no desire to run and hide, even with people watching. Some of them called out for Alex to knock it off, but only some.

“You’re a glorified pet, with a title much too big for you,” Alex told me. “You don’t even know what to do with it.”

“Leave,” Noah ordered her.

“No, let her talk,” I said to Noah. “It must be important to her if she’s willing to embarrass herself in public.”

Alex made no move to leave, but she walked closer to me, her voice turning into a hiss. “We’re all going to die because you showed up. You’re distracting our alpha from our best chance at survival, and he doesn’t have the balls to do what needs to be done. Every single death is going to be on you. You’re a curse.”

I smelled blood. I felt it shower my face, as Elena died in my head again.

I advanced on the girl. “And what would you know about being a leader? You get to sit by and rely on other people to save your ass. You don’t get to come here and tell me my alpha isn’t good enough for you.”

“He’s not,” she said with a smile as her uncle snarled at her to walk away. She ignored him, staying focused on me. “And neither are you. You think you get to walk around here like you belong? You think you get to play at being one of us? Prove it. Reagan Zandi, I’m issuing a challenge.”