Chapter 19

Noah:

I stared at the door. I didn’t want to be staring at the door, but I couldn’t help myself. My eyes kept drifting over at every sound, waiting.

Reagan and I had slept together every night for days. Of course, that didn’t mean we would keep on doing it. Really, we shouldn’t have. I would have a mate soon, and we would never be able to do it again. If I got used to it now, it would only hurt later when I had that forced separation.

Forced? Really? I would have a mate. I should have wanted to be in bed with my mate a hundred times more than I would with Reagan. For a wolf, their mate came above all else. It came naturally, as did the magic between Reagan and me. It was two different kinds of magic, both powerful and consuming. But one would beat out the other.

My bed looked so empty. I had too much room and not enough to fill it. It would seem I had gotten stuck in some unspoken game with Reagan. I waited for her to come in, and maybe she did the same thing. Only one way to find out.

I reached her door in five seconds, holding a pillow in my hand.

I was supposed to be an alpha, but I knocked on Reagan’s door like a scared little kid. Even with my hearing and the fact that I was the one to do the knocking, I could barely hear it.

But Reagan did.

“Come in,” I heard from the other side.

She had the light by her bedside turned on and a book on her lap. Her hair had been tied up into a messy bun, and she wore a sweater big enough to cover her shorts as she sat cross legged on the bed.

“I couldn’t sleep.” Reagan held her book up as evidence. “The sun is going to be up in like five hours, and I can’t make myself rest.”

“Me neither,” I said, shutting the door behind me. “Can I… Would you mind if I…” Why was this so hard? I’d never had a problem being direct before. It shouldn’t have been like this. Not for me. It might have helped if I’d put a shirt on.

“I see you have a pillow there.” Reagan pointed at the purple and white thing clutched in my arms. “What do you intend on doing with that?”

“I… I don’t know.”

She smiled at me, closing her book and scooting over to the left side of her bed. “Did you want to stay here tonight?”

“Uh… yeah.”

I crawled into bed with her when she lifted the blanket up, inviting me in. The moment I laid down, everything felt better. I set the pillow down, leaning back. Reagan did the same thing, and we faced each other after she’d shut the light out.

“I wanted to come into your room,” Reagan told me, her voice hushed. “I thought that I probably shouldn’t.”

“Why?”

She shrugged. “I didn’t know how it would come across, or if you would think it was weird. Just because we’ve been spending the last few nights together didn’t mean that we would…” Her lips pressed together. “I didn’t want to seem clingy.”

“Cling. Feel free to cling.”

The corners of her lips turned up as she reached for my discarded pillow. She clutched it in her arms. “If you wanted to, um, keep doing this, that would be fine with me. It would also be fine with me if you wanted to, say, bring in all your pillows so we can sleep in a pile of softness.”

I smiled. “Wait here.”

I got up and out of bed to retrieve pillows for my best friend. I didn’t have all that many, but I made a mental note to pick up more. If she wanted a tower of pillows, then she would get a tower of pillows.

Reagan giggled when I came back, almost toppling over with my pillows. I dumped them all on her and then she started to arrange them, ensuring we had the most comfort. Reagan sank back into it, snuggling closer to me until we got back to the way we’d been before, only, covered in pillows.

“I’m a little sleepier all of the sudden,” she said.

“Me too, but I think I’m always tired. I wake up tired, go to sleep tired. I can’t escape.”

Reagan’s nose wrinkled. “You take on a whole lot by yourself. You make sure the kids are cared for, and now you’re alpha. That’s a lot to do without any help.”

“I’ve always taken care of the kids without help. Even when my dad was around, he didn’t do anything for Pippa.”

“You’re an amazing big brother.”

“I’m not. I didn’t have a choice. Either I did the work, or everyone suffered. I shouldn’t get credit for that.”

The pillows between us shifted as Reagan snaked an arm under them. In her search, she found my hand and pulled it to her face, scooting closer again. I shouldn’t have let her do it, but greed controlled me.

“You should get all the credit,” Reagan said. “You didn’t have to do anything. Not really. You did it because that’s who you are. The good news is that I’m here now, so you don’t have to do it all on your own.”

“It’s not your responsibility. I told you, you can’t just start throwing yourself into things.”

“I can throw myself into this. Turn around.”

“What?”

“Do it,” she ordered.

I did as she told me. When I did, I felt her slide up behind me. Her arms wound around my middle, holding me. I could feel her face pressed against my shoulder.

“See?” Reagan asked. “You don’t always have to be the one taking care of someone. You can let me hold you for a while.”

“I wouldn’t know the first thing about letting someone take care of me.”

Reagan’s lips brushed my shoulder. “Then I guess we’re even, because I don’t know the first thing about taking care of someone.”

***

I didn’t think one girl could be so loud, but there she was, passed out on my lap and snoring like her life depended on it. Allison had found us early in the morning, and crawled into bed with us. Since then, she hadn’t left my side.

“You are on borrowed time,” I warned Pippa as she did her hair up at the mirror in the corner of her room. “Reagan wasn’t angry, but that doesn’t mean she’s not upset.”

Pip pulled her hair through the straightener before turning to me, crossing one leg over the other. “But,” she said, holding a hand up and reaching for something with the other. She held up papers to me. “You should be saying thank you, because I took it upon myself to fill out all your forms, so you and Reagan don’t have to when you register.”

Only one problem. “Reagan is on the run from an evil compound. Registering as Mends would only make a paper trail for those people to find. Also, I don’t know if she legally exists.”

“Oh now. How’s she gonna get married…”

It felt like someone stabbing me through with a spike. I pictured it, even when it was the last thing my mind wanted to see. Reagan, standing there in a white dress with some man waiting for her at the end of a long stretch of rose petals. I saw that faceless man, and I hated him. I hated him instantly.

“Emma said something weird to me,” I stated. My voice sounded dead and desperate for something at the same time. “She suggested that maybe… Reagan, could be my mate.”

I waited for some snarky comment from my little sister, bracing myself for it. Instead, she cleared her throat.

“What?”

Her lips pressed together. “I mean, I’m glad I wasn’t the first person to say it. Did you bite Emma’s head off?”

I tilted my head and stared at her. “Excuse me?”

“Well, you have a temper.”

“No, not that. The other part.”

“Oh. Yeah, I can see it. You and Reagan are fun to see together. I like her too, and so do the kids. It would make sense if you were developing feelings for her.”

Had everyone around me lost their mind? “Anything you see between us is nothing more than the intensity of our bond.”

“Right.”

“Pippa.”

She huffed. “You can dismiss it if you want, but that changes nothing. I’m not going to sit here and tell you it sounds ridiculous when I don’t believe that. What would the harm even be if Reagan was your mate?”

What was the harm? What was the harm? “We aren’t human, in case you haven’t noticed. I can’t just go mate with the person I share my soul with.”

“God, you’re so dramatic. It probably wouldn’t even be a big deal.”

Again, I could only stare at her.

“It’s fine,” Pippa said.

Her teenager-y view on the world really showed. Of course Mends ended up falling in love. It happened every single day. While it was common, it wasn’t really the norm or even expected. With humans, it would’ve been totally fine. With anything that had magic already, it could be like setting a barrel of gunpowder on fire. If the mate bond locked into place along with the Mend bond… kingdoms could fall.

“How is it fine?” I asked. “Tell me how it’s fine that we could create a magic so powerful that it could make us a target.”

Pippa watched me, her voice even. “It’s fine, because the very fact that you’re worried it might happen, means some part of you can see yourself with her. I want you to be happy. If she can do that for you, then you should go for it. Worry about the other stuff later.”

I could picture it, but that didn’t make it right. “That’s not how it works.”

“You met a ton of girls when you left. Can you think about any of them and see them as your mate? Try really, really hard.”

The only contender had been Lucy, and even with her, I hadn’t felt anything between us. I couldn’t picture her standing beside me in a wedding ceremony, in my bed, holding my hand. I couldn’t imagine her holding any of the kids, and I couldn’t imagine myself loving her. I could see myself loving Reagan.

My wolf smiled, happy that I’d caught up.

“Dammit,” I sighed, pressing the heels of my hands against my closed eyes.

Pippa had a smile on her face when I opened my eyes again. “Noah, can you do me a favor and act like this isn’t the worst thing in the world? You desperately need a mate, and hey look, there’s a hot girl who you happen to have feelings for.” I said nothing. Pippa huffed. “This is a woohoo situation, bud. Start wooing. Maybe even throw in a hoo.”

“There’s no wooing. What am I supposed to do? Go declare myself despite the fact that one, I doubt she’s interested, two, the magic would make us targets, and three, she just escaped actual hell and watched her sister die, murdering her way out?”

Pippa blinked. “Yeah.”

I wished I had some of her confidence, but I just didn’t. When a Mend had a child with their person—even human—that child had a hell of a lot of magic in them. It manifested in all kinds of different ways, but it always made their life hell.

“The last thing Reagan needs right now is a mate.”

My little sister grinned, nodding. “It’s super fucking cool that you’re deciding that for her. Ten out of ten, my friend.”

“Don’t make me sound like an asshole for not wanting to overwhelm her.”

“I don’t have to make you sound like an asshole when you’re saying assholey stuff. This is a conversation you should have with Reagan, and try to let her decide for herself.”

There was no winning. “Presenting it to her at all could be too much. Then what if I say something about this, and she tells me it’ll never happen? She’s my person, and this would only make our relationship awkward.”

“Ooh,” Pippa breathed, the sound stretching. “You’re afraid.”

“Of course I’m afraid.” I stopped dead, staring down at my lap. I rubbed Allison’s back while she slept peacefully. I’d only just started sleeping like that, and it would only last as long as I had Reagan in my bed. “There’s everything to be afraid of.”

“Not with her,” Pippa told me. “That’s the point of a Mend. Above anyone else, you can trust them with anything.”

I didn’t know a thing about trusting people, and I didn’t think I would learn the lesson now. I wouldn’t put myself out there to not only make Reagan uncomfortable, but to be rejected.

“What are you going to do?” Pippa asked. “Do you want Reagan?”

I did, so I nodded.

“Maybe you should tell her. Shut out all the worry you have and do it. Being dishonest isn’t going to help, and it’s not like you have the time to sit around. You need a mate.”

“I need a mate who can mate me too. It won’t be enough to sacrifice to the moon if Reagan can’t shift.”

Pippa let out a deep breath. “The moon provides exactly what you need. No more and no less. The gods wouldn’t be so cruel as to send you a girl you want, right when you need her, only for her not to be exactly what the moon needs.”

I smiled crookedly. “Your optimism is sweet.”

Pippa didn’t look amused, and a smile did not touch her face. “Please, just talk to Reagan.”

I stood from the bed, Allison still in my arms. I placed her on Pippa’s bed so she could finish her nap. I needed air anyway.

“I’ll see you later,” I said on my way out.

I didn’t even make it to the stairs before I saw a panicky Reagan standing there, letters and trinkets and wrapped boxes in her arms. She tried to balance them all, but the letters started tumbling down.

“Whoa, what’s all this?” I started taking things from her arms, assuring she didn’t drop it all and hurt herself.

“I have no idea,” she said, her voice squeaking. “People keep knocking on the door and leaving this stuff. It all has our name on it.”

I looked at a few of the letters, seeing that a lot of them had been drawn on with crayons. I ripped one open.

“Oh,” I laughed. “They’re gifts for our Mending.”

“What? You do gifts?”

I opened my mouth to tell her of course, but I thought better of it. I didn’t need to remind her of another basic thing she’d been unable to learn, thanks to being locked up.

“Here,” I said. “It looks like a lot of the letters are from the kids in the pack. They look forward to meeting you at the party.”

Reagan turned pale, that deer in the headlights look appearing on her face. “Oh god… the party. I’m gonna throw up.”

“How about I distract you?”

“With what?”

I blamed the wolf in my head for all the unwelcomed, inappropriate thoughts. It made me want to test how Reagan might have responded to flirting. I was too much of a coward to try.

“We can go hide in my room and open presents,” I suggested.

Reagan relaxed at that. “Yeah, we can do that.”

I would have taken her hand if it hadn’t been full. I settled on putting my arm around her waist, hoping the desire to do so would fade away.