Chapter 12 — Sebastian

Later that afternoon, after the details for their road trip had been finalized, Sebastian dropped Gabriel off at his apartment, then returned to the McAlpern house. He let himself in through the front door to find Douglas on the couch, feeding Ian.

“Oh, hey.” Sebastian managed a polite smile and closed the door. He was doing his best to keep things professional between them but was only mildly successful at it. “I should have called first. I’m sorry. Didn’t mean to disturb Ian.”

“No, you’re fine.” Douglas didn’t rise from the couch, but he didn’t look away from Sebastian, either. “Do you have a second to talk?”

“Sure.” Dread knotted in Sebastian’s stomach. He made sure the door was locked, then went to stand by the coffee table. “What’s happening?”

“I had a good chat with Michelle today—Ian’s surrogate mother—and she brought this over.” Douglas produced a folded paper from his pocket. He held it up to Sebastian.

Sebastian took it and unfolded it. It was a clipping from a newspaper, the glossy, full-color spread advertising a yoga class for moms with newborns. Sebastian cocked his head to the side.

“I know it says for moms, but I figured if it was something that interested you, you could give it a shot. You said you wanted to learn more about parenting, right? It might help to get out there and meet some moms.” Douglas shifted the bottle, and Ian made a fussy noise of discontentment in protest. “I’d be willing to pay for the classes if you want. It’d be good for Ian’s development to get out in the world and interact with people.”

Sebastian had never done yoga before, but the ad made it clear that there were all levels of expertise offered, from beginner to advanced. With babies strapped to their chests, he couldn’t imagine a yoga instructor would ask her students to contort themselves.

“You think so?” Sebastian studied Douglas’ eyes carefully, realizing his mistake too late. The murky green color struck him hard, and his heart fluttered. “It’s twice a week. I could manage that no problem.”

“You’re not being paid to do housework anyway, although I appreciate it to no end. The days are yours to do with what you want, as long as it’s with Ian. I think this might be nice.” Ian stopped feeding, so Douglas put the bottle down. “If you’re not a fan of yoga, we can think of something else. I’m sure there are all kinds of mommy groups in the city.”

“No, yoga’s fine.” Flexibility was something Sebastian needed to work on. If he practiced yoga, maybe he’d be less clumsy. “Do you want me to call and investigate it? See if they’ll allow a guy?”

“Yeah, if that’s what you want.”

Sebastian nodded. He shifted the strap of his backpack, then looked toward the stairs. “I’m going to make some calls and figure it out. Thanks for letting me know.”

“You’re welcome.”

A moment passed between them, subtle, but heart-warming. Sebastian bit down on his lip and clutched the magazine clipping a little more firmly. He needed to get away before he made a fool of himself.

“I’ll let you know what happens. See you later.” He retreated for the stairs without anything else said.

Gabriel had encouraged him to be bold, but Sebastian couldn’t bring himself to see it through. Now that he was working a full-time job with great perks, he didn’t want to lose it. For now, what he needed to do was wall off his heart. It was the safest way forward.

Painful, but safe.

And maybe baby yoga was exactly the kind of thing that would help distract him from what he was feeling. He might as well give it a shot.

Sweet Pea Yoga Studio was located in the downtown core on the second story of an old, brick building. Sebastian had a hell of a time finding street parking, but when he did, he paid the fee and carried Ian and his yoga mat up the stairs and into the reception area of the studio.

On the inside, the building was bright. Huge windows let light stream through, glistening on light-colored wood floors and brightening the pastel blue walls. The decor was light and fresh. An overflowing, leafy plant bloomed in a decorative pot by the front desk, and the woman who sat behind it was approachable. Her blonde hair was tucked into a high ponytail that tightened her face, and her lips were a soft pink that was just a shade darker than what Sebastian thought her natural lip color would be.

“Welcome to Sweet Pea Yoga,” the woman at the front desk said as he stepped through. “You must be Sebastian.”

“I am.” Sebastian made sure the door was shut, then stood in front of her desk. “Thank you for being so accommodating. I’m sure you don’t get many inquiries from men.”

“No, but you’re more than welcome here.” The woman tapped something on her keyboard, then looked back up at him. “I’ve got you checked in. It looks like you’re ready for your session, so if you want, you can join the moms through the double doors at the end of the hallway over there.”

Sebastian followed where she pointed, noting the double doors. He nodded.

“This is a new group, so you’re not going to be very far behind. Last week I believe Karina went over proper warm-up procedures and had everyone introduce themselves, so you’ll be learning the proper positions along with everyone else.”

“Great.” Sebastian smiled. “Thanks for your help. I’m going to go get set up.”

“Have a great time.”

The double doors at the end of the hall were left ajar, so all Sebastian had to do was push through them. He stepped through the open door to find himself in a yoga studio with nine women of varying ages and appearances. Some of them looked nervous, while others looked exhausted. It did his confidence good to see that he wasn’t the only inexperienced one in the group.

The woman at the front of the room—Karina—was a leggy brunette with fantastic hips and a small bust. When Sebastian entered, she winked and waved, and he waved in return.

“Ladies, we have a new member joining us today.” Karina’s voice was mellow, and even though she drew attention to Sebastian, he found he didn’t mind. “Baby Ian is joined by his dad, Sebastian. Let’s make them feel welcome.”

Nine sets of eyes rose to study him. It wasn’t the attention that made Sebastian uncomfortable, but the fact that he’d been mistaken for Ian’s father. He hadn’t made it clear on the phone that he was the nanny, so he couldn’t fault Karina, but it stung to remember that his involvement with Ian’s life was temporary.

“Hi everyone.” Sebastian shed his nerves and slipped into work mode. He’d had to talk in public settings before, so he wasn’t unused to the feeling, but it was never easy. He much preferred keeping to himself. “I’m Sebastian. I’m actually Ian’s full-time nanny, but I’m just as excited to be here no matter what my relation to him is.”

Some of the women in the room lost interest, but one set of eyes remained glued to him. Sharpened by curiosity, bright brown irises studied him. They belonged to a fit woman somewhere in her thirties. Her brown hair was pulled back into a ponytail, but a lock of it tumbled down to frame her face. When Sebastian met her eye, she gestured with her chin to the blank section of floor at her side.

He set up his mat there without question.

Karina took control of the class as Sebastian settled next to the brunette. “Now that everyone’s here, let’s work through some warm-up exercises. Everyone work at your own pace and listen to your own bodies. Your journey is going to be unique from everyone else’s, and you need to embrace that.”

“Hi,” the woman next to him whispered as she stretched her legs in front of her. “My name’s Tessa.”

“Hi,” Sebastian whispered back. He followed Tessa’s lead.

“Have you ever done yoga before?” Tessa reached for her toes. Her daughter was strapped to her chest, asleep.

Sebastian did the same, startled by how much harder delicate movements were with Ian strapped to his chest. Not even his yoga pants and loose t-shirt were doing much to help. “Nope.”

“Me neither. I think only one of us has any experience at all, and she’s the one teaching the class.”

Sebastian held back a snicker and shook his head. “I guess I’m in good company then.”

“You are,” Tessa promised. “Last week was pretty fun, but all of us are antsy to get to the actual yoga, I think. You were smart to skip the first day.”

Sebastian had nothing to say, but he beamed regardless. So this was what it was like to be included in something. Tessa made him feel like he was making friends, and after so long spent hiding his identity and dodging companionship for fear of being discovered, it was nice.

He followed Tessa through the rest of her warm-up routine, and when they were done, Sebastian’s body was hot and ready for action.

“Were the babies well behaved last week?” Sebastian asked Tessa quietly as Karina led them through the first, simple pose. “I was worried Ian would get fussy.”

“We had a couple little upsets, but nothing nuclear. Karina said the movement of our bodies helps soothe our babies like bumpy car rides or baby swings would. Not sure if I buy it, but I’m willing to give it a shot. I feel like spending time with other adults has improved my sanity, even if yoga does nothing for me.”

Sebastian grinned. He watched Karina as she carefully lowered herself to the floor and stretched her back up so her arms were perpendicular with the floor. He followed her example, moving in time with Tessa.

“Are you a stay-at-home mom?” he asked.

“No. I’m a .” Tessa shot him a look from the corner of her eye, her lips curled with mischief. “I don’t count most of the people I work with as adults.”

If Sebastian hadn’t been supporting Ian’s weight, he would have slapped a hand over his mouth to hold back his laugh. Instead, it broke through his lips in a semi-snort that left him way more embarrassed than if he’d just let out the laugh in the first place.

“Remember that yoga is as much about clearing your mind as it is working the muscles in your body.” Karina’s reprimand was delicate and didn’t hurt his feelings, but Sebastian knew it was directed at him. “There’s plenty of time to chat after class, and we can all share our stories together as we cool down after the workout.”

“Busted,” Tessa whispered.

Sebastian snorted again.

He was going to get kicked out of baby yoga if this kept up.

Luckily, Tessa fell silent, and Sebastian was able to devote himself to the lesson. Karina was a good teacher—patient and understanding, even when her students had no clue what they were doing. By the end of the hour block, Sebastian felt as though he’d learned a lot. His body had never felt so simultaneously alive and relaxed.

“That wasn’t so bad, hmm?” Tessa asked, leaning over. “Definitely not as bad as it could have been. I don’t feel broken, so I’m counting that as a success. You think you’ll be coming next week?”

“Next week I’ll be making it to the second class only. I’m going on a week-long vacation, but I’ll be attending regularly after that.” Sebastian couldn’t imagine giving the class up. Not only had Ian been amazing, but Tessa was right—spending time out of the house was good for his sanity. Venturing beyond the usual opened new doors and refreshed him.

“Good. I’ll see you then.” Tessa waved, and she was out of the studio in the next second. It looked like she had somewhere to be.

Sebastian packed up a little more slowly, rolling his mat and caring for Ian while the women around him did the same. Between his upcoming road trip with Gabriel and the yoga class to keep him busy, life was looking up.

Now all he had to do was settle his feelings for Douglas, and everything would be set. The future would be his.

Sebastian smiled. He’d get there eventually. All he had to do was keep moving.