Chapter 11 — Sebastian

The car door closed. Sebastian strapped on his seatbelt. Before he could slot the key into the ignition, Gabriel had turned to look at him, expression critical.

“You didn’t tell me the guy you were working for was a DILF.”

“God, Gabriel!” Sebastian lost interest in starting the car. He looked Gabriel in the eye, equal parts embarrassed and excited. “Really? We’re sitting in front of the house.”

“With the windows rolled up.” Gabriel looked across the lawn. “Besides, they headed to the backyard. They’re not going to hear us all the way out here.”

“It’s not… it’s not proper, that’s all. He’s my boss.”

“I know. If you get any more taboo, you’re going to be living in a porno. A hot dad and your boss? And you’re living in his house. Breakfast in bed? His bed?”

“You’re terrible.” Sebastian stopped paying Gabriel attention, hoping he’d stop. He started the car and pulled away from the curb.

“I may be terrible, but at least I’m truthful. If he needs a preschool teacher, send him my way.”

Jealousy, startling in its intensity, ripped through Sebastian and made him bitter. He didn’t like to give in to his emotions like that, but his reaction to what Gabriel had said was so visceral that it was impossible to resist.

“Hey, hey now, don’t look like that.” Gabriel prodded Sebastian in the ribs. “I don’t often see you scowling. You know I’m not going to show up unannounced and take him to bed, right? I’m just having fun.”

“I know.” Sebastian focused on the road, trying to let go of the bitter things he felt. “I’m sorry. I’m not upset at you.”

“You might not be, but it’s clear I touched a nerve.” From the corner of his eye, Sebastian watched as Gabriel settled into his seat. “It’s not right of me to have pried. I didn’t know you were sensitive.”

“I shouldn’t be.”

“But you are.” Gabriel shuffled his legs and ran the heels of his shoes against the carpeting. “Are you… you know? With him?”

Driving wasn’t going to be possible if Gabriel kept asking embarrassing questions. Red in the face, Sebastian pulled over and parked. He turned in his seat to give Gabriel his full attention. If they were going to get any planning for their upcoming road trip done, he needed to get the personal details out of the way first.

It was bad enough that the taste of Douglas’ lips lingered on his, and that when he closed his eyes, he could still feel the way they’d touched him so delicately—he didn’t need Gabriel drawing his mind back to the moment, too.

Today was supposed to be about forgetting what had happened the night before, not embracing it.

“We’re not sleeping together.” Sebastian ran his hands over the steering wheel, seeking stimulation. “He’s hot, but… he’s my boss. I can’t do that.”

“I mean, you could.”

“No.” Sebastian spoke firmly. It wasn’t often he stood up for himself in such a staunch way, but he refused to let this drop. “There isn’t any wiggle room. I’m living in his house and caring for his son. If I start sleeping with him, it’s not going to turn out well. I don’t want to lose my job because I couldn’t keep it in my pants.”

“So you think he’s gay?” Gabriel was merely curious—Sebastian knew it from his tone—but he couldn’t help but think that Gabriel was trying to encroach. It was a terrible feeling, and Sebastian wanted nothing to do with it. Gabriel was his best friend. The last thing he wanted was to create a rift between them.

“I don’t know. I guess so.” Sebastian lowered his gaze. “I fell asleep on the couch last night waiting for him to get home and as I was waking up, he kissed me.”

“Shit.” Gabriel whistled low under his breath. “Okay, so, he’s definitely at least a little gay. How far did it go?”

“It lasted for probably fifteen seconds, and I think he was going to take it farther when he shut down and walled himself off. I don’t know what to think.” It was a lie. Sebastian shook his head. “Well, I do know what to think, if I’m being honest. I know that there’s no way I can see this through. Not with a clear conscious. I know that I’m tempted to do it anyway. It’s wrong, though. It’s really wrong. I don’t want this to define me.”

“It doesn’t define you.” Gabriel smiled. The gesture was kind and comforting. Sebastian drew strength from it. “All that matters is that you’re true to yourself. This isn’t the end of the road, you know? You’re twenty-two, you’re fresh out of school, and you’ve got your whole life in front of you. If you make a mistake, so what? You’re young. You’ll grow. You’ll keep thriving.”

“But I’m already living with him.”

“The old roommate dilemma.” Gabriel hummed. “That’s a toughie. But you know what? I’m looking for a roommate, and I’m not sure I’ll be able to find one. It’s not that I can’t afford the place, but that I need someone to cook for me. You know how it is.”

Sebastian rolled his eyes. “So you’ve told me.”

“So I mean, so what if you get into it together and things go south? You have me. I’ll be there to support you, even if it’s just a couch to crash on until you get back on your feet. And there’s always your parents.”

“I don’t feel much like moving home.” Sebastian knew it was on the table, but he didn’t want to admit defeat. After four years living on his own, he didn’t want to go back home. “But I know you’re right.”

“So even if you make a mistake and things get messy, you’ve got people you can depend on.” Gabriel grinned. “So screw that hot daddy’s brains out.”

“Gabriel!” Sebastian’s tone sharpened. He crossed his arms.

Gabriel laughed. “Okay. Right. I guess he’d be screwing your brains out. But one way or another, if it’s something you want, don’t let it limit you.”

It was a hard understanding to come by. Sebastian didn’t think it was right. His heart told him one thing, but his head told him another. If he was going to find any peace, he had to respect them both.

“Can we get going now?” Sebastian asked cautiously. “You’re not going to keep talking about my hot daddy problems?”

“Mm… nope.” Gabriel snickered. “Not until we’re back at the cafe, anyway. My mind might start to wander after we’ve hammered out all our road trip details.”

Of course.

Sebastian shifted out of park and restarted their trip. The conversation could have gone much worse, he supposed. There could have been a lot more fallout. At least Gabriel was supportive of him no matter what choice he made.

And at least Gabriel understands now that he’s not allowed to butt in.

Sebastian saw his reflection in the rearview mirror—his cheeks were scarlet. He ignored the color and set his gaze back on the road.

He wouldn’t be embarrassed forever, just like Douglas wouldn’t be a fixture in his life forever. As permanent as the moment felt, it was only a step along the way. Sebastian hadn’t arrived where he wanted to go in life, and he wouldn’t stop until he got there.

Until then, he’d savor the little things… like the memory of Douglas’ lips on his own, and how he’d like beer just a little bit more now that he associated it with their kiss.