A vulnerable moment
A vulnerable moment
The silence hummed as I stayed in his embrace, warmly and soothingly. Until the storm inside me slowly dulled to a simmer.
A sudden exhaustion pulled at me, dragging the tears into hiccupped breaths and sniffles. My face felt hot and raw from crying, my throat sore, my chest hollow.
So much that the embarrassment of breaking down in front of him started dawning on him.
I pulled back slightly, though I didn’t step away completely. I cleaned the mess on my face slowly, head glued down.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered, my voice cracked and hoarse. “I shouldn’t have broken down like that." I let out a chuckle, wanting to lighten the mood. However, it came out too sad.
He could tell, so he didn't say anything. I respected the silence, and took the moment to recollect myself.
After having regained hold of myself and calming my emotions, I raised my gaze to meet his. The calm worry in them had me feeling guilty. " I-I know you must be hurting too... maybe worse than I can even imagine. And here I am, drowning you in my grief like it’s only mine.” I smiled bitterly as I said, lowering my head every now and then. I wasn't ready to look into his eyes. They were... Too much.
For a moment, amidst the silence, I thought he might dismiss my words, but then he sighed, low and weary, leaving me concerned and shooting my head up to look at him.
“I don’t mind the hug,” he said finally, his voice rough and honest, mirroring his expression. “Truth is… I’m sad. Extremely sad. But for some reason…” His eyes shifted past me, unfocused, as though the words pulled him into someplace distant. “…I can’t even cry.”
I blinked at him, confused.
Ciel let out a bitter laugh, short and humorless. “I hated Michael, you know. I hated him for taking my mother away from me. For years, that hate sat in me like a stone." He roamed towards the small lamp table by the side of his bed. I turned to face him, and watched as he bent to pick up a small picture frame.
He stood there with a small smile, stroking the frame bitterly as though it was what he cherished the most, rather who he cherished the most. I remained in silence, letting him slowly recount how he feels. I wanted to... I wanted to hear him.
So I moved closer to his side, peering into the frame. In there was a picture of a woman seemingly in her early twenties. She had sharp facial features that Ciel shared. Her long dark brown hair that had a shade of red in the sunlight cascaded down her shoulders, straight in an elegant, yet plain pour like a waterfall, but the volume of a fountain. She wore a thin mascara that outlined her beauty. She had a tall and straight build, her shoulders squared with elegance and authority, concealed by the charming smile on her face.
In her hands was a boy almost 10 or so, he had the same feature as the woman, but a bit stronger. Despite his height at his age, the woman carried him effortlessly, and he seemed to have a disgruntled expression at the fact that he was being carried and having his cheeks pulled like a baby.
" She's beautiful" I smiled, as though I had been there.
" Oh she was... until she wasn't..." He said, shaking his head.
I frowned at this, feeling a bit-- complex at that. But I didn't say anything.
He put down the picture frame and scoffed as he continued. "You know, I'd really wanted to kill Michael when he'd kicked her out of the pack. I had no idea why he took her away from me."
" I tried looking for her, but she was nowhere to be found." He craned his neck, looking up at the ceiling as if trying to put back the tears. Or maybe he was looking back to the past.
" Until it dawned on me that if she really cared, like I did, she would have come back for me. I mean, she should right?" He smiled bitterly, moving his gaze to ask me.
I saw the sadness in his eyes, the bitterness in his voice. My eyes welled again, as I could imagine how he must have felt to realize that the person he loved the most as a kid, his own mother, wasn't the same person he thought her to be.
He sighed again, shaking his head. His gaze moved back to the picture frame, longing, as he said. " When I found out about Carl, I lost my world. But that didn't stop me from hating Michael."
" That was all I could hold on to."
His lips twisted. “But now, I can't even do that anymore." He chuckled sadly.
"I guess what I should hold on to now is the way he died. Dying like that– so heroically, in front of me. Must have felt really cool to take that bullet for me, the one who hates him the most.” Ciel’s throat worked as he forced the words out.
I felt the weight of his emotions weigh down on me. The pressure was heavy, too heavy. I couldn't imagine just how much... Just how much hurt he is.
I didn't know what to say, I couldn't come up with nothing better than what the silence said.
So I let it. Only my presence served as a consolation.
It wasn't after a long while that Ciel finally spoke again, this time his voice even heavier, yet promising. “ Well, it took his death to finally admit that I didn't see him the way I pretend to. So, I can’t keep pretending anymore." His reddened gaze fell on me, and I didn't look away this time. I accepted him, his weakness and his vulnerability as he continued."For all the pain he might have caused me, I respect it. He died like an Alpha should. Like a protector. Like… one cool bastard.” He smiled.
The way he said it caught me off guard. I'd never thought I'd see Ciel praise Michael. I'd always thought Ciel and Michael's relationship was quite complex, but I guess the respect never was of question. Even though Ciel might have truly hated Michael in the past for having kicked his mother out of the pack, once he found out the truth, he realized Michael wasn't wrong. And while the hate was too deep for him to rescind in a beat, the respect was resuscitated. He only tried to hide it since thereon.
" And he's changed the way I see you." Ciel suddenly said, hi gaze and smile fatally charming, and... Confusing.
My breath hitched, and before I could stop myself, I asked quietly, “W-what about me?"
His eyes sharpened instantly, locking on mine. “Family."
The single word cracked through me like thunder. Confusion swirled with a strange warmth in my chest. My lips parted, but no words came.
Ciel studied me for a long moment, then lifted his hand. His fingers brushed against my cheek, startlingly gentle. He wiped away the stray tear that clung there, his touch sending a shiver down my skin.
“Michael wanted to protect you until the very end,” he said softly, his thumb lingering against my skin. “That was his last wish as your mate, his final command as Alpha, and… his last gift as a father. Don’t dishonor it by blaming yourself.”
My throat tightened so painfully I could barely breathe. His words wrapped around me, heavy and tender at the same time, and suddenly the room blurred. His face was the only thing I could see.
The strong line of his jaw, the dark intensity of his eyes, the softness in his touch.
My wolf stirred wildly inside me, clawing at me, pushing me closer. Every instinct screamed for his warmth, his strength, his presence.
Before I could stop myself, before I could think, I leaned in and pressed my lips to his.
The kiss was desperate, trembling. It wasn’t graceful or certain; it was messy, raw, soaked in grief and fear. My heart pounded against my ribs as though trying to escape, my hands clutching his shirt as if he might vanish like Michael had.
For a frozen second, Ciel didn’t move. His body stiffened, shock radiating off him. The weight of that hesitation almost crushed me, shame threatening to swallow me whole.
I regretted it!
And just then,
The door creaked open.
I jerked back instantly, heat flooding my face. My chest heaved, breath shaky, and I whirled toward the doorway.
Jan stood there.
Her eyes widened as she took in the scene, her lips parting in silent shock before twisting into something sharp. The silence in the room snapped taut, humiliation crawling over my skin like fire.
I stepped back, my pulse roaring in my ears. My lips still tingled, and my mind raced, but all I could think was...
'What have I done?'
Ciel straightened immediately, his expression still, his gaze locked on me. My heart raced, caught between shame, fear, and humiliation.
The world seemed to tilt, the air thick with a new, unbearable tension.