Regret
Regret
Jan stood frozen in the doorway, her eyes widening as though she had walked into a crime scene. Her lips parted, her face hitched in terror. She seemed to struggle to catch her breath.
While she did, I struggled with embarrassment and fear. And Ciel, he didn't seem to know where he stood at the moment. For a few heartbeats, the room was suspended in silence.
Then, Jan's expression hardened to convey her sharp and bitter emotion. “I knew it!”
That was all she said before she spun on her heel and left, leaving the door banging against the wall as it slammed shut.
It felt like a little sibling catching their elders in a lie.
My stomach dropped, heat flooding my face. Every nerve in my body tingled with shame, my chest tightening until I thought it might crush me. My lips still burned from the kiss, my wolf still howled with restless urges, but my human heart thrashed in my chest, tangled in guilt and humiliation.
I was more worried about having to face Ciel. I turned to look at him, and... I didn't know what to say or do seeing him.
Ciel didn’t move for a long moment. His body was rigid, his face carved into stone, his lips pressed tightly together as he just stared still at the shut door. He was still fazed by everything that had happened.
When he finally recollected himself, realizing I waited his reaction,he just raked his hand through his hair, fingers clawing at the strands like he was trying to rip the memory from his head. He began pacing, slowly. As if moving away from me, from the awkward scene.
The silence pressed down like a weight.
And after two strides across the room, without looking at me, “Ciel…” My voice cracked as I tried to call him, so small it hardly sounded like me. It sounded like how I felt right now– unsure and scared.
He froze mid-step but didn’t turn. A rough breath shuddered out of him, and when he finally spoke, his voice was low, jagged at the edges.
“I… didn’t expect that.” he muttered with a shake of his head.
The words sliced through me, not cruel but heavy with dissonance. He wasn’t rejecting me outright, but he wasn’t reaching for me either.
He seemed to still be stunned, and awkward, not knowing how to deal with what's just happened.
“I’m sorry,” I couldn't help but blurt out, desperation clawing at my throat. “It's–- It's me. You don’t have to-- don’t even think of it as your fault. If anyone should be blamed, it’s me.”
I wanted to say more, to explain the ache inside me, the grief and fear that had twisted into something reckless, but the words tangled uselessly.
I didn't know what came over me. I just felt like I needed to kiss him. I don't know why!
But how could I say that aloud? It doesn't even make sense at all!
Ciel turned at last, but only toward the door. He didn’t meet my eyes. His jaw flexed as though he was grinding the words he wanted to say into dust. His hand lingered on the doorframe for a moment, and then he pulled it open.
And just like that, he walked out.
No parting words, nor reassurance. Just silence.
The door shut softly behind him, and the room felt like it collapsed in on itself.
I stood there, numb, and full of regret not unlike embarrassment. My heartbeat hammered like a drum in the emptiness.
I stumbled back into his bed, collapsing onto the mattress as the full weight of everything crashed over me.
Just what had I done?
...
Third POV
Ciel shut the door behind him with a quiet click, but the silence in the hallway roared louder than any slammed door could have. His steps carried him away from Alyssa’s room, though each stride felt heavier, slower, dragged down by the storm churning inside him.
Her kiss still lingered, one that was quite unexpected, desperate, and burning like a brand he hadn’t asked for. He hadn’t kissed her back, but he hadn’t pushed her away quickly enough either. And that hesitation gnawed at him.
Alyssa was Michael’s mate. His Luna.
His grief-stricken widow, not his.
He pressed a hand against his temple as he moved down the corridor, sharp breaths scraping at his lungs.
He couldn’t even be angry at her. He didn't think of her as being slutty or a whore for what she'd done.
Ciel knew she had been drowning in guilt and sorrow, and for a fleeting, broken moment she had clung to him for air. And perhaps, maybe that had gotten to her, leaving her in a fragile moment where she was prone to temptation. Perhaps she read the way he'd told her that he's changed the way he thought about her a little too deeper than what he implied.
But then, Ciel wasn't too sure either. That alone shouldn't have made her kiss her.
Unless...
' No!' Ciel shook the thought of her mind.
For now, he was going to take the stance that Alyssa had done that to get rid of Jan. Maybe she knew she was coming and that was why the kiss had been so sudden.
Afterall, they'd agreed to act like lovers to get Jan's interest in him to derail.
“Damn it,” he muttered under his breath. Even he didn't believe his wild assumptions no matter how much he tried to spin it.
He rounded the corner, and headed for the window at the end f the corridor. Ciel planned to take a breather by the window for a second to clear his mind.
He pushed the windows open and caught whiff of the damp, heavy morning air. Taking a deep breath to calm himself. Before he got to fully relax, footsteps approached. Two beta fighter who are Michael’s loyal men– came toward him, posture rigid and face grim. One of them was tall, broad, and bald, while the other was of average height, dark hair, and a tank build.
“They’re ready,” the man said without preamble.
Ciel straightened, pushing his prior thoughts aside. He'd deal with that later. Now wasn’t the time.
Ciel gave a curt nod. “Let’s go.”