Chapter 22 THE FIRST DATE
Elias
Elias changed his shirt four times.
The first one was too formal. The second is too casual. The third had a coffee stain he hadn’t noticed before. The fourth felt right until he looked in the mirror and decided it made him look washed out.
He went back to the second shirt.
His sister called at noon.
“Stop panicking,” she said without preamble.
“I’m not panicking.”
“You’re absolutely panicking. What are you wearing?”
“Dark blue button-down. Jeans. Is that okay?”
“It’s coffee, not a wedding. You’re fine.” A pause. “How are you feeling?”
Elias sat on his bed. Looked at his closet where all the rejected shirts hung. “Terrified.”
“Of what?”
“Of screwing this up. Of being too much. Of him realizing the person on paper was better than the person in real life.”
“Elias. He already knows you in real life. He’s been watching you for months, remember?”
“That’s different. Watching and actually talking are different things.”
“Then just be yourself. The self he’s been falling for.”
After they hung up, Elias tried to eat lunch. Managed half a sandwich before his stomach rebelled. He was supposed to meet Alex at two. At the campus bookstore where Alex worked.
Alex’s idea. Neutral ground. Somewhere familiar to both of them.
At 1:30, Elias gave up on staying home and drove to campus. Parked. Sat in his car for ten minutes.
His phone buzzed.
Alex: I’m really nervous
Elias smiled despite himself.
Elias: Me too
Alex: What if this is weird
Elias: Then it’s weird. We’ll figure it out.
Alex: Okay
Elias: See you soon
Elias got out of the car. The bookstore was on the other side of campus. Five-minute walk. He made it in three.
The store smelled like paper and coffee from the café next door. Valentine’s displays were still everywhere. Hearts and roses and romance.
Alex was at the counter, talking to his supervisor. He looked up when the door chimed.
Their eyes met.
Alex’s face went red immediately. He said something to his supervisor and came around the counter.
“Hi,” Alex said.
“Hi.”
They stood there like idiots. Neither knowing what to do with their hands.
“Your shift ends at two?” Elias asked.
“Yeah. Five minutes.” Alex fidgeted with his sleeves. “There’s a café down the street. If you want.”
“That sounds good.”
Five minutes felt like an hour. Elias pretended to browse while Alex helped customers. He watched Alex recommend books to a freshman. The way he lit up talking about stories. The way his hands moved when he got excited.
This was who he’d been falling for. Not just words on paper. This real person who exists in the world.
At two, Alex grabbed his coat and they walked out together.
The café was small. Quiet. They ordered at the counter and found a table in the back.
“So,” Alex said.
“So.”
“This is weird, right?”
“Yeah. But good weird?”
“Maybe.” Alex wrapped his hands around his mug. “I don’t know how to do this. The dating thing. I’ve never…”
He trailed off. His face went redder.
“Me neither,” Elias lied. Then corrected himself. “I mean, I’ve dated. But not like this. Not after writing letters for weeks. Not with someone I actually…”
“Actually what?”
“Care about.” The words came out quieter than Elias meant.
Alex looked up. Met his eyes. “Oh.”
They sat in awkward silence. Elias tried to think of something to say. Something clever or interesting. His mind was completely blank.
“This is harder than letters,” Alex said finally.
“So much harder.”
“On paper, I knew what to say.”
“Me too.”
More silence. A couple at the next table was laughing. Making it look easy.
“Maybe we should go back to letters,” Alex said. Half joking. Half serious.
“Or maybe we just need practice.” Elias pulled out his phone. Opened the notes app. Started typing.
What are you thinking right now?
He turned the phone so Alex could see.
Alex’s mouth quirked. Not quite a smile but close. He pulled out his own phone.
That I want to run but I’m making myself stay
Why do you want to run?
Because this is scary and you’re looking at me and I don’t know what to do with my face
Elias actually laughed. Typed back.
Your face is fine. Better than fine.
Alex read it. His ears went pink. He typed:
You’re still looking at me
Is that bad?
I don’t know yet
They kept typing. Back and forth. Sitting three feet apart but talking through screens because it was easier. Safer.
Tell me something true
Alex’s fingers hesitated. Then:
I’ve imagined this a thousand times. It was never this awkward in my head
Same. But also I’m glad you’re real
I’m glad you’re real too. Even if I can’t look at you without wanting to hide
Don’t hide
I’m trying
Elias set down his phone. “Can we try something?”
“Okay.”
“Ask me a question. Out loud. Anything.”
Alex’s fingers tightened on his mug. “What’s your favorite book?”
“The one I’m reading right now. It changes.” Elias leaned forward. “Your turn to answer. What do you want to do after graduation?”
“Write. Maybe. I don’t know if I’m good enough.”
“You are.”
“You haven’t read anything I’ve written.”
“I’ve read six letters. That’s enough to know.”
Alex’s eyes were dark brown up close. Warm. Nervous.
“My turn,” Elias said. “What made you write that first letter?”
“I couldn’t keep it in anymore. The watching. The feeling. It was too much to just carry around.”
“I’m glad you sent it.”
“Me too. I think.” Alex managed a small smile. “This is getting easier.”
“Yeah?”
“A little.”
They talked for an hour. Real talking, out loud, with words instead of typing. It was stilted sometimes. Awkward. But also real in a way the letters never were.
When they left the café, the sun was setting. The campus glowed orange and gold.
“Can I walk you back?” Elias asked.
“You don’t have to.”
“I want to.”
They walked slowly. The awkwardness from earlier had faded into something softer. More comfortable.
“Can I ask you something?” Alex said.
“Always.”
“What did you think when you saw me? At the rose arch. Before I ran.”
Elias thought about it. “I thought you looked exactly right. Like you were supposed to be there. Like I’d been waiting for you without knowing what you looked like and then suddenly I did.”
“Oh.”
“What did you think when you saw me?”
“That I was going to throw up. And also that you were even more beautiful in person and I didn’t know how to handle that.”
Elias stopped walking. “You think I’m beautiful?”
“Yes. Obviously.”
“It’s not obvious.”
“It is to me.”
They were standing under a street light. Close enough that Elias could see the nervous flutter of Alex’s pulse in his throat.
“Can I try something?” Elias asked.
“What?”
“Don’t freak out.”
Elias reached for Alex’s hand. Slowly. Giving him time to pull away.
Alex didn’t pull away.
Their fingers laced together. Warm and slightly damp from nervousness.
“Okay?” Elias asked.
“Yeah. Okay.”
They walked the rest of the way holding hands. At Alex’s dorm, they stopped.
“So,” Alex said.
“So.”
“That was…”
“Awkward?”
“Yeah. But also good.”
“Can we do it again?”
Alex looked at their joined hands. “Yes.”
“Tomorrow?”
“You don’t have to see me every day.”
“I want to.” Elias squeezed gently. “Is that too much?”
“No. It’s good. I like it.”
They stood there. Neither letting go. Neither wanted to be the first to leave.
“I should go,” Alex finally said.
“Yeah.”
But neither moved.
“Elias?”
“Yeah?”
“Thank you. For being patient. For not running when I did.”
“Thank you for coming back.”
Alex smiled. Real and full and bright.
Then he let go of Elias’s hand and went inside.
Elias stood there for a long moment. Then pulled out his phone.
Elias: I had a good time today
Alex: Me too
Elias: Same time tomorrow?
Alex: Yes
Elias walked back to his car feeling lighter than he had in months.
Tomorrow he’d see Alex again.
And maybe tomorrow would be even less awkward.
Maybe.