Chapter 94 A DIFFERENT KIND OF SADNESS

Chapter 94 A DIFFERENT KIND OF SADNESS


Kennedie

I couldn’t stop thinking about what Graham told me earlier.

“You would never know if you don’t try”

I knew that he had a point there, but the truth was I was extremely scared. There were a million and one ways that this could go so fucking wrong and I could end up potentially fucking up what we had going on.

As pathetic as it all sounded, I did not want to go back to square one with him… that was how much that I loved him.

It felt freeing, the fact that I was even admitting this to myself.

How did I even get here?

From being cheated on by an absolute disgrace of a man and the girl that I once thought was my best friend to finally falling for someone who I thought was absolutely insufferable earlier. I mean if you had told me a few months ago that I would actually like Desmond, talk less of fall in love with him, I would have booked you the quickest session with a shrink.

Oh my days this was actually happening, was I overthinking because I think I am, or is this the right amount of freaked out that I should be by this discovery?

Why was I so fucking rusty?!

I mean it’s not like it was my first time in a relationship-

My thoughts were put to a complete halt when I heard the sound of the doorbell. Without thinking I rushed towards the door and opened it.

“Desmond… hi”

He smiled at me “hey Princess”

A worried frown immediately took over my features. There was something wrong with him, I could feel it deep in my guts.

I mean it was really fucking obvious how tired he looked and then there was his smile that did not even try to reach his eyes.

I walked closer to him “are you alright?” I asked and he blinked “yeah why wouldn’t I be?”

I shrugged “I don’t know, you just don’t look yourself and I know that you had the rut thing and I could not really help you which by the way I am so fucking sorry-”

He cut off my rambling by pressing his lips on mine and engulfing me in a big hug “there is nothing wrong Princess, I just missed you so damn much”

I felt that ghost of a smile linger on my face while I let myself melt more into his embrace, into the warmth of his touch.

I loved hugging Desmond, he always felt so strong, dependable and so fucking warm… it was like I could trust him with anything.

“I missed you too” I murmured into his neck and he dropped another quick kiss on my lips “come on let’s go inside”

Something was definitely wrong.

I could feel it deep inside of my bones and if there was one thing that I knew about my intuition, it was that I was hardly ever wrong, contrary to what it may seem like.

Desmond did not look himself at all, that frown, he had still not gotten rid of it.

And trust me this was not to say that Desmond was not a grumpy old troll ninety percent of the time because trust me he was, always finding something to complain about, but this kind of sadness… it was different.

It seemed like it was eating him alive from the inside out.

“Are you sure that you are alright?” I asked when I felt him inhale for the hundredth time in a span of five minutes, he did not respond to me still lost in whatever thoughts that was dragging him under.

“Desmond!”

He jerked “what?”

“Is anything the matter?” I asked again and he nodded “I am fine” he said.

“I could get you some water or food if you want” I added and he shook his head “I am alright”

Now I don’t know what came over me in this moment because it was either I was possessed, high or simply forgot how to take a hint, because tell me why in heavens name that I thought that my next actions were even a good idea.

I stood up and strutted towards him, tracing my fingers sensually, trailing up his chest before lowering myself to whisper in his ears “or if you want Daddy I could-”

He stopped me “I am not in the mood.”

My cheeks burned and I almost cried form the humiliation that I felt.

Why, just why, did I even do that.

I stood up straight and cleared my throat “ok” I hated how my voice sounded… I just wanted the ground to just open up right about now and swallow me right under.

He heaved a sigh and stood up to meet me “the last few days have been draining for me baby, and I am just tired… none of it is your fault” he said.

I nodded my head “I know, I was not thinking. I am sorry” I said.

He pushed a strand of hair behind my ears looking deep into my eyes, those grey orbs carrying such a storm behind them “you never need to apologize for things like that Princess, you know that”

I just nodded.

My breath was caught in my throat. How could someone be so perfect?

It was scary, a man like him… he was too good to be true, and I knew that. But if this was all a dream, I wanted to remain sleeping forever.

He bent down and captured my lips in his… it was slow, soft and very thorough… this kiss was not like the others that we had ever shared. It was like he was trying to send a message through this kiss.

It was sweet, but at the same time it felt like a poison reaching far into your veins, killing you slowly.

That feeling that I had only got more intense.

“Desmond” I said looking up at him, no other words needed to be said.

“I am tired” he said.

I just nodded my head “alright” I said.

I knew that I would not be able to get much out of him if he did not want to talk, and it would be unfair of me to pick a fight when he just got back.

But I was worried.