Chapter 95 GUILT LIKE A BOULDER

Chapter 95 GUILT LIKE A BOULDER


Desmond

I was avoiding Kennedie.

That much was fucking obvious, and I hated that it was taking a toll on the both of us, and not just me.

It was just that I could not bear to be the same with her, not after what happened.

I watched with jealousy form my window as she talked to Marvin. But even as she did that, her eyes were devoid of the usual sparkle that used to be in them. All of this because I was too much of a fucking coward to even say what had been bothering me.

What I had done.

I bent my head against the desk “all of this is so fucking wrong” I muttered to myself.  My beast had not so much as stirred since that happened, but I could feel it, the agony that oozed out of her in waves.

Everything was just a fucking mess.

I looked up again and I saw her just walking straight towards my office door, like a thief caught doing something that he should not be doing, my eyes widened and my chest began to beat at an extremely loud rate.

She barged in without knocking with a fierce look on her face.

I stood up instantly and walked towards her “is there a problem with you my angel?” I asked.

She looked up at me “don’t shit me Desmond, just tell me straight up if you are mad at me” she said.

I blinked once, then twice “wait, what…. what are you even talking about?”

“You have just been acting so weird with me Desmond” she said.

I dumbly pointed to myself “me?”

She arched a brow at me “don’t start with me Desmond, just give it to me straight… did I do something to upset you?”

Fucking hell, my heart clenched so badly, it felt like I was not eve breathing properly.

The way she said those last words, like she seriously though that she was the problem. Like somehow it was her fault that my head was a total mess.

It was not her fault at all. Quite the opposite actually, it was mine.

I was a selfish coward who could not even put it together long enough to say the truth, all because I was scared… I was so freaking terrified that she might actually leave me.

I finally said it, and somehow admitting the truth to myself in such a moment somehow made the weight on my chest so much heavier. It had finally reached a point in my life where I cannot live without Kennedie, and I never want to.

My beast whimpered at that thought. This secret, it was eating me alive from the inside out.

I guess I must have zoned out for quite a while because I was brought back to reality when I felt warm hands cup my face “baby. Just tell me what I can do to fix this” her eyes were so focused on me and I only felt guiltier.

She would hate me, but somehow I just knew that with how kind she was, she would never hate me as much as I hated myself.

If she found out the truth I would only break her….i could not do that.

I forced a smile on my face and dropped a soft kiss on her lips “I know that I have been a bit distant lately Princess, and I apologize. It’s just the rut really takes a lot out of you and I have been trying to really get a hold of myself. ”

It was not a total lie, but it was not the truth either, and I think a part of her knew it too because she looked at me like I was just pulling a load of bullshit out of my mouth. But it was all that I could offer now, and so I stood my ground.

She stared at me with those sharp eyes of hers not wanting to give up… I kept my gaze straight as she observed me trying to figure out what was really the matter, looking for any clues that would convince her that I was wrong. And then she just nodded.

“If you really say so” she said.

I nodded “I will be better soon I promise”

“Ok” she said and cleared her throat before pointing to the door “I um... I really need to get back to work now”

I grabbed her hand before she could get far and dragged her to me “not so fact little menace” I said.

I hugged her close to me and buried my head in her hair, getting a whiff of the delicious fucking fragrance that she always seemed to carry with her so effortlessly.

“What are you doing?” she squeaked and I just hugged her even closer to me.

“I missed you so damn much” I mumbled.

She chuckled and wrapped her hands around me tightly “I missed you so much as well my baby” she said.

It was just… damn the nicknames, it was my kryptonite.

I took in more of her extremely delicious scent and so for a single minute I could just forget all of my problems and then just enjoy in the wonderful presence that was Kennedie, the woman that I love-

Whoa, where did that thought even come from?

I don’t even know at this point but one thing was sure and it was the fact that when I thought about it, I was sure… extremely confident in my resolve…. It was then, how do I fully move forward with this when there was this heavy boulder of guilt that was weighing my heart down?

Kennedie was just so ecstatic that she could barely notice a change in my mood and I did not want her to…. I was not worth it.

She smiled up at me with twinkling eyes “I will make us dinner tonight”

I arched a brow at her “you don’t need to do that Princess, you are not a maid and we have workers that I pay handsomely for that”

“I want to do something sweet for you babe” she said and I smiled before dropping a soft kiss on her forehead “I can’t wait Princess”

She clapped her hand “it’s settled then”

I nodded.

“I will make the best meal of your life, just you wait”