Chapter 90

Derek's POV

I am so angry with her! I don't even know how to look her in the face. All this time she has been lying to me. I'm not even sure if she really even gives a shit about me. Finding out about the plan that her and Brittany set up to get Britney out of the contract to marry me has set me off. I want to confront her about it, but I want to see if she will tell me the truth. I don't understand how she really thought that I would never find out. She is just like all those other women who used me. I don't know why I really thought things could be any different. All people really do is disappoint you.

Since I left the hospital, I have kept my distance from her. I know that she knows something is going on. She says that she loves me, but I don't believe her. I look at my daughter, and I feel the love I need to feel. Now when I look at her all I can see is Amelia and all I feel is hate. She has the nerve to lie to me after everything that we have been through and all of the things that I have sacrificed for her just for me to find out it was all a game to her. It makes my blood boil. It is hard for me to control myself.

I almost died for her by taking a bullet that was meant for her. I'm feeling so stupid that I would give my own life for hers! I can hardly look at her! All it does irritate me. Lying beside her in bed makes me want to hurt her. I don't give her any kind of pleasure, she doesn't deserve any. I take what I want and leave her unsatisfied and in pain. She has never met this part of me because I was wrapped around her finger. I was lost in her from the day I saw her. For whatever reason she just consumed all of me.

She has turned my entire world upside down. I know now that this whole time it was a plot so that Brittany didn't have to marry me. God, I am so angry with myself that I fell for it all! I fell for her games thinking that she really loved me when all she was trying to do was get my fortune. Her having a child to me was just so she would always have a way inside my life. I'm so angry at how twisted she is and how she manipulated me. I haven't decided how I'm going to punish her, but I am going to punish her for what she has done to me.

There are times when I catch my emotions slipping and wanting to be there with her, especially when I see her with Faithlyn. Our family is what I fought for, and now knowing the whole time that it was an act I wonder how could she be so cruel? How could she think that I would never find out about this? She thinks that she is so fucking smart! I look at her face as she smiles at me with her innocence and all I want to do is slap it off of her.

I know that she got rid of Jill! What probably happened was Jill found out what her plan was. She knew Jill was going to exploit her, so she had to come up with something to get rid of her. The only person who was constantly in my life is now gone. I know that Amelia is hiding the real reason why she left. I'm trying to figure it all out, but the evidence that would help me find Jill is nowhere to be found. I will find out what happened to Jill, I can promise you that.

I know the only way to hurt her is through my daughter, but I don't want to hurt Faithlyn in the process of it. She's done nothing wrong. Faithlyn needs her mother in her life, and that is the only reason I have not taken off with her. I have thought about just leaving Amelia, but I can't do that to my daughter. She loves her mother, even if I don't. I don't want her to grow up in a broken home.

Amelia touches my hand as the plane is getting ready to take off sending chills through my body with her delicate touch. I remember how much I love her touch and what it does to me. I know that she is afraid of planes, so I grip onto her hand, and I kiss it. She looks at me, and I can see the relief in her face as she smiles. What am I doing! I can't show her any kind of kindness! I just want to hold on to her and not let go. I remind myself that this isn't real and that it's all pretend. When we get into the air, I let her hand go and don't look at her. From her body language, I can tell that she is disappointed and sad.

I want to wrap her body into my arms and hold on to her. Her innocence is what catches me off guard. I'm wondering how she is capable of all of this. I make my expression turn cold. I can't allow myself to feel for her. I need to get rid of these feelings because she does not deserve my love. She is a liar that deserves to be punished for what she has done to me. She won't get any kindness from me ever again. As for her punishment, I haven't decided yet.