48

When I regained consciousness, I was feeling slightly better.

My head felt too empty, with the absence of different thoughts and the pain in my stomach continued, despite seeming different, less acute. For a second, I thought I had slept and dreamed about it all, but the smell convinced me otherwise. It was the unmistakable smell of antiseptic that only existed in hospitals and doctors' offices.

That smell meant I was alive and out of the favela.

My heart beat faster when I thought about it.

“She's awake,” said an unknown female voice.

with an accent, talking to someone else in the room.

I heard footsteps and felt someone sitting on the side of the bed. Warm fingers caressed my face.

— How is she feeling, Mariana?

Opening my eyes with some effort, I looked at Ravi's handsome features.

“Like someone cut me up and sewed it back together again,” I managed to say. My throat was so dry and sore that it was an enormous effort to speak. I felt a throbbing pain on the right side of my body.

— Here. — He was holding a glass with a straw. — You must be thirsty.

He brought the glass closer to my face and I obediently placed my lips around the straw, drinking some water. My mind was still reeling, and for a moment the wall between good and bad memories fell.

I remembered the first day we met, when Ravi had offered me his bed to sleep in, and an involuntary shiver ran down my spine. At that moment, Ravi was not the man I loved.

- Cold? — He asks, pushing the glass away and pulling the blanket so that it covers my shoulders.

- Yes a little. — I was outside the favela. Oh my God, I was out of the favela. My mind was spinning. I felt torn, two different people: the terrified woman who insisted this was her chance to escape and the woman who desperately wanted to feel Ravi's touch.

“The doctor said the baby is fine,” says Ravi, brushing aside a lock of hair that was tickling my forehead. — They quickly managed to reverse the situation before it got worse. Isn't that right, Antonia? — He looks to the left.

— That's right, Ravi.

Recognizing the same voice from before, I turn my head to see a beautiful woman dressed in white. Her smooth skin was a beautiful brown, and her hair and eyes were dark, almost dark.

black. To me, she looked Filipino or Thai, but I wasn't an expert on those nationalities.

What I did know was that she was the first person I had seen in almost six months, besides the favela residents, when I “fled” Ravi's house.

I was outside the favela. Oh my God, I was out of the favela. For the first time since discovering that pregnancy, there was a real possibility of escaping Ravi's obsessive madness, even if it hurt me and he would later come after me because of the child. It was a risk I would clearly take. .

- Where am I? — he asked, looking at the nurse. I couldn't believe that Ravi had taken me to receive care outside the slum.

— You're at a private clinic near the South Zone — Ravi replies, when the woman simply smiles at me. — Antônia is the nurse who will take care of you.

At that moment, the door opened and José entered, apparently unarmed, but he knew that there must be something underneath his clothes.

— Ah, look who's awake — he exclaimed, approaching the bed. - How are you feeling?

“Well, I guess,” I say cautiously.

— They said Ravi managed to get you here just in time — he says, pulling out a chair and sitting next to the bed. — It seems like all this time I had a Formula 1 driver by my side and I didn't even notice.

I let out a nervous laugh and immediately groaned as the movement caused a brief internal pain.

—Are you feeling pain? — Ravi gave me a worried look. Turning to Antônia, he ordered: — Give her a painkiller.

— I'm fine, just a little sore — I tried to tell him. — I really don't need medicine. — The last thing I wanted at that moment was something that would alter my mind. I was outside the favela and needed to think about what to do. I did my best to stay calm, but it took every ounce of willpower I had to not scream or do something stupid. Freedom was so close I could almost taste it.

— Of course, Ravi — Antônia completely ignored my protest and approached the bed, moving the plastic bag that fed the intravenous tube.

Ravi leaned over the bed and lightly kissed my stomach.

— You need to rest — he says quietly. — I want you healthy. Did you understand?

I nodded, my eyelids feeling heavy as the medicine began to take effect. For a moment, it felt like I was floating. The pain disappeared and then darkness enveloped me once again.

When I woke up again, I was alone in the room. The strong sun passed through the large windows, where there were several plants. It was a place very cozy. If it weren't for the hospital smell and the various monitors and machines, I would think I was in someone's room. That private clinic was quite luxurious, something I hadn't had the opportunity to appreciate before.

The door opened and Antônia entered the room. Opening a wide smile, she says in a cheerful tone:

— How are you feeling, Mariana?

— Well — I say a little suspiciously. — Where is Ravi? — Something about that woman didn't like me, but I didn't know what it was. I knew she was probably my best chance of escaping, but I didn't know if I could trust her. For starters, she could easily be Ravi's employee, like José.

— Ravi had to leave for a few hours — she says, still

smiling. —But José is here. He just went to the bathroom.

— Oh, great. — I stare at her, trying to gather my courage. I had to tell her that I didn't want to be where I wanted to be, that there were trackers in me that needed to be removed, before I decided to walk out that door. I simply had to do it. It was my only chance to escape.

Maybe she was loyal to Ravi, but I still had to try, because I might never have the chance to be free again.

Antônia approached the bed and handed me the glass with the straw.

— Here — she says in the same cheerful tone. — I'll bring food in a little while.

I raised my arm and took the glass from her hand, shrinking slightly when the movement caused some discomfort.

“Thank you,” I say, drinking the water greedily. I really needed to tell her that I needed to get out of there, but for some reason I didn't say anything. Instead, I drank the water and watched

when she left the room, leaving me alone again.

I grumbled mentally. What was my problem? Freedom was a real possibility for the first time in weeks and there I was, stalling.

Although freedom was tempting, it was also scary. I had been a “prisoner” during those weeks and, in truth, I missed the comfort of “prison”.

Being there in that unfamiliar room made me stressed and anxious. There was a part of me that just wanted to go back to the island, to my routine. But most importantly, freedom meant leaving Ravi. And it was something that

I couldn't do it.

I didn't want to leave the man I believed I loved.

I should have been happy at the idea of seeing the police arrive to arrest him, but I felt horror at the idea. I didn't want Ravi to be arrested. I didn't want to be separated from him, not even for a minute.

Closing my eyes, I told myself I was a fool, a brainwashed idiot, but it didn't make any difference.

Lying in that hospital bed, I finally accepted the fact that I was no longer a “prisoner”. She was simply a woman whose son was a drug dealer. And even if she tried to get away from him, even if she did, he would find me with or without those trackers.

Again, once again, I felt like I didn't have many options other than to accept what fate had in store for me.