47

- Mariana? - Gael holds my arm, with a concerned tone of voice and look - Are you okay?

I inhale deeply, holding the air in my lungs before nodding, believing that it was an illness and that the wet sensation I felt was because I was no longer able to hold my urine like before, because the baby was growing and putting pressure on my bladder.

- I am fine.

- He is sure? I'm going to get a glass of water...- He extends his arm, taking a towel from inside the sink, which he doesn't hesitate to tie around his waist and make as if to fetch the water.

- Gael, there’s no need. I'm fine - I try to assure him, stopping him.

He looks me up and down hesitantly, having a hard time believing if everything was okay or not.

- Then let me prepare something for you to eat.

- There's no need either, I'm leaving - Maybe it was the best thing to do after all, going there had been a mistake, I should have read the signs as soon as I walked through the front door, instead I let my curiosity guided me and there I was, trying to get out of an embarrassing situation.

As soon as I pass Gael, I feel his hand on my arm again, stopping me from continuing.

- I don't want what happened to change things between us.

- And what exactly changed? - I say, trying to convey that that kiss and the almost fucking didn't mean anything in the end, that it didn't even shake my structures and made me forget about the outside world.

It had been nothing after all, just a kiss. A kiss that meant nothing to me and that shouldn't mean anything to him either, since we were two strangers, who were still getting to know each other, after our destinies crossed by chance, on a day when everything went wrong in my life since the moment you open your eyes that morning.

Gael, after all, was just a stranger. Just that.

- Don't worry, it won't change - I guarantee without even being sure. I knew very well how I felt about the drug trafficker who was giving me a house, food and even clean clothes, when clearly the only task he expected of me was to bear his child and keep him safe until he was born.

It was clear that Ravi didn't care if she was in love with him or not, that he dreamed, idealized, that he would touch me the way I wanted to be touched. He simply belittled my feelings, while at that moment in front of me, a man who I had only known for a few days and who understood me better than many people who have passed through my life, understood me one day, I wanted me to be in love with him. .

Fate was full of irony and at that moment, it was rubbing it in my face.

Our “conversation” ends the moment he gently releases my arm and I can return to my golden prison, accompanied by sinful thoughts, including his penis size and thickness, as I walk to Ravi's house, at a different pace than before. Any movement that was too sudden would bring the discomfort back.

It took me twice as long to get to the house, but finally when I got through the gate, I just wanted a shower and my bed. However, I wouldn't have this until I passed Ravi, who was pacing the room, clearly irritated and worried. Maybe more angry than worried.

- Where were you? - He asks as if he were my father and I were a child, who had sneaked out of the house.

- There are no trackers on me. Why didn't you find out on your own? - I say in a bad mood, wanting to make my wish come true.

- You know that if something happens to my son...

- Yes. I know - I interrupt him with a serious voice - You're going to blame me for my entire life and if I'm unlucky, you're going to kill me - I force a sarcastic smile, not seeing any changes on his face.

- Go rest, Mariana, and stop leaving the house as if this favela wasn't dangerous - he says, looking to the side, refusing to continue looking at me, which frustrated me even more.

When I wake up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom, I feel a sharp pain near my belly button. After relieving myself, I washed my hands and went back to bed, lying down and waiting for the pain to go away as it had happened hours before, despite seeing a stain of blood when I went to take a shower, but I didn't worry because it was just a spot.

I soon felt a little nauseous and thought I might have indigestion. Or maybe food poisoning. I tried to sleep, but the pain seemed to get worse by the minute. It descended deeper into the abdomen, becoming agonizing. I didn't want to wake Ravi, but I couldn't take it anymore. I needed a painkiller.

— Ravi — I whisper, in the doorway of his room, watching him lying face down with both arms under his head — Ravi, I think I'm sick.

It takes him a few seconds to wake up immediately , finally ending up sitting down, turning on the lamp. There was no trace of confusion on his face. She was as alert as if it were noon, not three in the morning.

- What is the problem?

I lean over my body as the pain increases. “I don't know,” I managed to say. — My stomach hurts.

He furrowed his eyebrows.

— Where is the pain, Mariana? — He asks quietly, coming towards me.

— Down... down — I moaned, tears of pain beginning to run down my face.

- Here? — He asks, spreading his hand over it. I shook my head no.

- Here?

- Yes! — Somehow, he had managed to find the exact spot where he was in agony.

He stood up immediately, putting on his clothes.

- Joseph! he shouted. — Beth! I need you here now!

Thirty seconds later, the soldier runs into the room, alert as is Ravi.

- What it was?

He looked scared. I was terrified too. I had never seen Ravi like that. He looked almost...afraid.

— Start the car — says Ravi tensely. — I'll take you to the hospital and you'll come with us. It could be the baby.

The baby! When he said that, I realized it was the most likely explanation, but it was very scary. I wasn't a doctor, but I knew that, if I was having a miscarriage at that moment, the chances of us being able to reverse the condition were very slim, since it wasn't the first time I was feeling that pain. And I just didn't pay enough attention.

Ravi must have been thinking the same, as the expression on his face was grim. He wrapped me in a robe and picked me up, carrying me out of the room.

“I can walk,” I protested weakly. My stomach dropped as Ravi hurried down the stairs.

- Of course. — His tone was unnecessarily harsh, but I wasn't offended. I knew he was worried about me, and even though my insides were in agony, I felt warmed by it.

When we arrived outside, José had already opened the car doors and was waiting in the front of the car. Ravi placed me in the passenger seat, buckled my seat belt and I realized that his greatest wish was about to come true.

I was leaving the favela with the security of the world.

I felt a wave of nausea and grabbed a small plastic bag that was conveniently in front of me. I vomited into the bag, my entire body sweating and shaking.

I heard Ravi swear as the car started moving and I felt such shame that I wanted to die.

— I'm sorry — I whisper, feeling my eyes burning. I had never felt so bad in my entire life.

“It's okay,” said Ravi in a harsh tone. - Don't worry about that.

— Here. — José handed me a wet wipe. — It'll help you feel a little better.

But it didn't help. When the car went a little further down the favela, I felt nauseous again. Groaning, I clutched my stomach and felt the pain increase.

“Fuck,” Ravi muttered. —Fuck, fuck, fuck. — His knuckles were white from how tightly he was gripping the steering wheel.

I vomited again.

— How long will it take us to get there? — José's voice was unusually high-pitched.

“Forty minutes,” said Ravi darkly. — If the traffic cooperates.

Those were the longest forty minutes of my life. When the plane hit the runway, I had already vomited five times and was past the point of feeling ashamed. The pain in my stomach had turned to agony and I was aware of nothing but the suffering. Strong hands grabbed me, pulling me out of the car, and I was vaguely aware that Ravi was carrying me somewhere, holding me tightly against his broad chest.

I heard a jumble of voices speaking in a mixture of several muffled voices. Soon after, I was placed on a stretcher and taken down a long hallway to a sterile-looking white room. Several people dressed in white walked around me. A man was giving orders to what must have been the nurses who were there.

I feel a twinge in my arm when they put in an IV needle. Dizzy, I looked up and saw Ravi standing outside that room, his face strangely pale and his eyes shining.

Then darkness enveloped me.