49
I ended up staying in recovery at the clinic for as long as necessary for the baby. Ravi visited me every day, spending several hours by my side. José did the same. Antônia took care of me most of the time, but some
Doctors showed up to look at my medical records and make adjustments to the medication dosage.
I hadn't yet told anyone that I was a former undercover cop, nor did I intend to do so anymore. For starters, I figured the clinic staff were paid to be discreet. No one seemed curious to know what a pregnant woman was doing with a drug dealer, nor did they seem inclined to question me in any way. The only thing Antônia wanted to know was if I was in pain, if I felt thirsty or hungry, or if I needed to use the bathroom. I was pretty sure that if I asked her to help me escape, Angela would smile and give me more painkillers.
I had also seen some soldiers standing in the hallway, outside the door. I saw them when the door opened. They were armed to the teeth and looked like scary sons of bitches, automatically reminding me of Rubens.
When I asked Ravi about the soldiers, he admitted that they were his employees.
— They're here to protect you — he explained, sitting down next to the bed. — I think I told you I have enemies, right?
He had told me, but I hadn't understood the full extent of the danger before. According to José, there was a small army of bodyguards in and around the clinic, protecting us from the threat that worried Ravi.
—What enemies? — I asked curiously, looking at him. —Who's after you?
He smiled at me.
— It's not your problem, my Mariana — he says gently, but there was something cold and deadly beneath the warmth of his smile. — I'll deal
with them soon.
I shivered and hoped Ravi hadn't noticed. Sometimes my baby's father could be very, very scary.
— Let's go home tomorrow — he says, changing the subject. — The doctors said that you have to rest a lot over the next few weeks, but that there is no need to stay here. You will be able to recover at home.
I nod, feeling my stomach tighten with a mixture of fear and anxiety. Home... at home, in the favela. That strange interlude in the clinic, so close to freedom, was almost over.
It didn't take long for Ravi to leave and for me to return to my constant solitude, even though nurses, doctors and even soldiers were always coming into the room, just to make sure I was okay or feeling any kind of pain.
The pain was gone at once, as was the bleeding that was clearly a warning sign. I felt completely fine, apart from my thoughts that often became confusing and even I didn't understand, but that always stopped at the same question: Would things continue the same way after I left there or would they get worse?
I sigh the moment the door opens and Antônia enters the room, initially as soon as my eyes fell on her, I found it strange that she wasn't smiling.
- Is everything okay, Antonia? - I ask worriedly, imagining different situations that could happen to Ravi.
- How did you find me, Isadora? -The question hits me hard, I didn't know because of the tone of her voice or the fact that she was calling me by my first name.
- I do not know what you're talking about.
-Yes, you know-she says, still serious-We both know very well.
- I... I think you're confusing me. Honestly... - I had no idea why he was calling me by my first name, just after hearing Ravi call me by my second name several times.
What was really happening there?
- I knew it was you the moment I read that chart and read your mother's name, even though it seemed like a one-in-a-million coincidence - My brow furrows when the first words are absolved by my brain, coming to the conclusion that We already knew each other and I didn't remember that meeting.
None of it seemed real, it felt like I was having some kind of dream that didn't make any sense. Those dreams that appeared out of nowhere, without a foot or a head, whose meaning we never found.
- Do you know my mother?! - I ask a little loudly, while my heart was no longer beating rhythmically in my chest.
- Since she was born - She pauses briefly - Do you know why? - I shake my head from side to side, waiting for her answer - I'm her sister, I practically raised her and my other brothers, after our father died. There wasn't much left besides us and our mother, sort of at last.
I look for my voice, but I can't find it. My head spun, as several questions appeared at the same time. All that time I was in front of my aunt and it didn't even cross my mind, I had so many questions to ask and at that moment I couldn't think of one.
- So I have uncles and... grandmother? - I ask hesitantly An expression of pain suddenly crosses her face, her eyes wander across the floor until they fill with tears, until, taking a deep breath and raising her head, she tries to push them away.
-Not anymore-she murmurs-They were killed a few years ago and I've never been able to get over it.
I end up having the impression that I feel the same pain as her, the moment I found my family, I knew that they were no longer with us.
- And my mother? Where is she? - There was still a spark of hope, that at least the person who gave birth to me and who gave me life, was around.
-She is buried in Alemão.
At that moment, I felt like a bucket of cold water was thrown over me, Antônia even noticed, as I shivered and moved uncomfortably in the bed. All that time imagining a reunion with my mother and she was dead.
-... how long? - I ask, still in shock.
- You were months old when she was murdered - I immediately fix my gaze on Antônia, perplexed, feeling incredulous and finally understanding why I ended up with Samuel and Rô.
Pregnancy hormones or not, my eyes fill with tears, the hole in my chest that has existed longer than I remember widens even more and I feel like the pain is stronger than me and is starting to suffocate me. .
- Why didn't you stay with me? Did you have to give it to Rô and Samuel?! - The tears quickly ran down my face, while Antônia looked at me confused.
-I couldn't stay with you-she murmurs with regret-I was going through hell at that time, my life was in danger and anyone who stayed by my side would end up dying. I had already lost a lot of people, who were very important to me, because of all the shit I had done and you were the only person left in the midst of all the destruction you caused in our family - She sniffs, pausing briefly, getting back together faster than I could - And I left you very well supported, I gave you enough money so that you had a better childhood than mine and an adolescence too. It was my only request that I made to Katiane and Kauane.
- Who are they? - I question without having any idea who was speaking.
Antônia blinks a few times, forcing a smile.
- Who was taking care of you all this time, Isadora? - Swallowing hard and after not even thinking much about the subject, I decide to give you a summary of all the years of my life, while I was raped by Samuel and suffered domestic abuse from Rô, because I thought I was somehow trying to steal his husband, despite just wanting and showing that I wanted him to stop what he was doing and allow me to be normal. Even though that option no longer exists for me.
- So that bitch is now called Rô? Ro?! -She continues to force a smile, but she could feel that she was trying hard not to explode. Did you know that at the time we were prostitutes the pimp was called Jô? It seems that even after years, she still wants to look like her in some way! - She growls, trying to breathe - And still marry a fucking deputy?! - She walks from side to side, until her eyes fall on me - This doesn't mean that I support you for being with a drug dealer, because I don't, the last thing I ever wanted for you was for you to follow the same steps that I!
- We have nothing - I say quietly.
- You're pregnant with his baby, Isadora - she accuses - This says a lot to me - She walks towards the door, stopping as she grabs the handle - Don't worry, now that I know Katiane's whereabouts, it's time for us to have a conversation - Having said that, she leaves the room the same way she entered, leaving me almost combust with so many thoughts.