Chapter 42 Am I Toxic?
Aiyana’s P.O.V
The moment Gerald’s voice cut through the room, everything should have stopped, but it didn’t.
Jerome’s mouth was already dancing with mine, but not in the gentle way his touches usually were.
Not the usually careful, restrained, always stopping a second too early.
This kiss was deliberate, claiming.
As if the decision had already been made somewhere deep inside him long before this moment, and now his body was simply obeying.
I froze.
Not because I didn’t feel it, but because I felt too much.
Gerald was standing there, rooted to the floor so static that one could mistake him for a statue.
I could sense him without looking as the weight of his stare pressed against my skin, heavy and hot, like standing too close to an open flame.
My heart pounded so loudly I was sure they could both hear it.
“Jerome…” I tried to say, but the word dissolved between us as his hand came up to the back of my head, firm but not painful, fingers threading into my hair with a certainty that made my breath hitch.
It wasn’t force.
It was intention.
A quiet, unmistakable message: don’t pull away.
My instincts screamed conflict. The usual butterflies that settled in the pit of my stomach whenever we came close enough were currently present in full force but at the same time, I felt uncomfortable.
This wasn’t private. It wasn’t something that should be unfolding with another man watching, anger radiating off him in waves so sharp they made my skin prickle.
I could see it from the way his face was set in stone. There was just something about seeing someone who was always so happy and playful, this serious and angry.
While I understood Jerome's actions, I also didn't want Gerald to feel bad because he was good to me even before there was anything about feelings and his recent weird expressions towards me.
I lifted my hands to Jerome’s chest, meaning to push him back, meaning to pause, but he didn’t let the moment fracture. Instead, he turned us smoothly, his body blocking Gerald’s line of sight, and with his free hand he reached back and shut the door.
The sound echoed.
A finality to it.
I gasped as the latch clicked into place, the room suddenly smaller, tighter, charged with everything we hadn’t said.
I pulled away then.
Not abruptly, but enough.
Enough to break the kiss.
Enough to breathe but as soon as I did, I saw the shift in his expression and body language
“Shit”
Jerome stilled.
For half a second, I thought he would step back, but he didn't.
His eyes darkened in a way I hadn’t seen before, not the usual cold, or cruel look that came out when he wanted to put someone six feet under, but raw.
Stripped of the careful layers he always wore around me. The control he clung to like armor was gone, and what stood in its place was terrifying in its honesty.
I took a step back.
He followed.
“Jerome.” I said, my voice shaking despite myself, “we shouldn’t…” I started but his movement cut me off.
He immediately grabbed my wrist, not painfully, but possessively and immediately forgot what it was that I wanted to say because as insane as it may sound, he looked so handsome in this moment.
The look of anger and possession unleashed a new batch of butterflies in my stomach.
‘Am I toxic?’ I asked myself as I caught on to what I was thinking.
Every nerve in my body lit up, adrenaline and emotion tangling together until I couldn’t tell fear from desire, instinct from confusion.
“I’m not sharing you.” He said, breathing heavily like he had just run a marathon.
The words were low, rough, pulled from somewhere deep in his chest. “Not with him. Not with anyone.”
My heart slammed against my ribs.
“I’m not something to be shared.” I said, forcing the words out, even as my pulse betrayed me.
His grip loosened immediately, which startled me more than if he’d held on, but he didn’t step away.
Instead, he slid his hand up my arm, stopping just below my shoulder, like he was reminding himself where the line was, even as everything in him strained against it.
“I know,” He said, voice quieter now with a sigh, edged with something dangerously close to pain. “That’s why this is killing me.”
I swallowed.
The silence between us was thick, stretched tight with everything we were pretending not to feel.
“I didn’t mean to make things worse.” I said. “With Gerald. With you.”
His jaw tightened.
“You didn’t.” He replied immediately. “He crossed a line the moment he thought he could want what I protect.”
The word protect settled heavily in my chest.
I shook my head. “That’s not how this works.”
His gaze softened, just a fraction. “Then tell me how it works.”
I couldn’t.
Because I didn’t know.
Because every rule I’d ever lived by felt flimsy around him. Because the way he looked at me, like I mattered, like I was precious, like I was dangerous to his self-control, made it impossible to pretend this was simple.
“You scared me just now.” I admitted quietly.
The words hit him harder than anything else I could have said.
He stepped back instantly.
The distance felt colder than his intensity.
“I would never hurt you.” He responded with his voice tight as he clenched his jaw at the thought.. “Never.”
“I know,” I replied. And I did. That was the problem. “But you’re angry. And I’m caught in the middle of something I didn’t ask for.”
His shoulders sagged slightly, like the fight drained out of him all at once.
“You didn’t ask for any of this,” He said.
“You didn’t ask to be here. You didn’t ask to matter to me.”
I looked down at my hands, still trembling.
“And yet,” He continued, softer now, “you do.”
I closed my eyes.
The image of Gerald’s face flashed through my mind, the shock, the anger, the hurt. The way something between the two men had fractured in real time, right in front of me.
“This changes things.” I said.
“Yes,” Jerome agreed. “It does.”
When I looked up, his eyes held fire again, but this time it was leashed. Controlled. The kind of restraint that cost something real.
“I’m sorry I didn’t stop sooner.” he said. “But I won’t apologize for wanting you.”
My breath caught.
“I just won’t disrespect by taking you when you're not read” He added. “No matter how badly I want to.”