Chapter 43 A Different Gerald
Aiyana’s P.O.V
Sleep refused to come and no matter how much I tried, It all ended up in tosses and turns.
Giving up, I laid on my back, staring at the ceiling, listening to the house breathe. Soft creaks, distant footsteps, the muted hum of guards changing shifts. Jerome was asleep beside me, turned slightly away, one arm flung across the empty space between us like even in rest he knew where I was supposed to be.
I loved him.
That truth had settled deep in my chest, warm and terrifying and undeniable.
And yet my heart felt heavy.
Because loving Jerome did not erase the fact that Gerald had been my friend. He had trained me, protected me in his own way, joked when everything felt too dark to survive.
I couldn’t pretend his feelings didn’t matter, couldn’t reduce them to nothing just because they complicated things.
Ignoring him felt cruel.
But I knew without Jerome saying a word that he would hate this idea.
Hate the thought of me confronting Gerald alone, of giving him space to speak, to hope.
Still, the restlessness clawed at me until I couldn’t lie there anymore.
Carefully, quietly, I slipped out of bed. I dressed slowly, heart pounding like I was sneaking out of something sacred. I spared one glance at Jerome’s sleeping face that was calm, guarded even in dreams, and whispered a promise I wasn’t sure I could keep.
I’ll be careful.
The corridor lights were dim with the whole house so quiet, one would never guess that it was home to hundreds of dangerous men.
Gerald was in the training room, just as I suspected. He always went there when he couldn’t sleep, turning exhaustion into movement.
I paused at the doorway, just to know whether or not this was a good time to approach him.
He looked different.
Not dangerous.
Not wild.
Just… hardened.
His shoulders were tense, movements sharp as he threw punches at the air, jaw clenched like he was holding something back.
“Gerald.” I said softly as I approached him slowly. His whole body tensed for a second before he turned instantly.
For a second, his face lit up with relief, something fragile and hopeful flickering there. It twisted my chest.
“Aiyana.” He said, standing up to meet me “You shouldn’t be awake.”
“I know…” I replied. “But we need to talk.”
That alone seemed to change the air between us.
He nodded, wiping sweat from his forehead, stepping closer, but not too close. He’d always respected that line. It was one of the reasons I trusted him.
“I don’t want things to be… like this.” I said. “Between us.”
His mouth twitched. “Like what?”
“Unsaid and tense” I answered.
Silence stretched.
“I care about you.” I continued, choosing my words carefully. “You matter to me. You always will, but I love Jerome.”
There it was. Clean and honest.
I lowkey expected anger.
What I didn’t expect was the way his eyes softened.
“Is that what you came to tell me?” He asked quietly, looking down at his feet like a kicked puppy. It tugged at my heartstrings so much that I almost retracted my statement but it was all true so I held back.
“Yes.” I said. “Because I don’t want to lose you as a friend.”
He took a step closer.
I didn’t move.
“I think you misunderstand me.” Gerald said, voice low. “I’ve never wanted to hurt you. Never wanted to trap you between us.”
“I know.” I said. “That’s why I’m here.”
He smiled then. It was small and sad, but it was a smile nonetheless
“You always see the best in people.”
Something in his gaze shifted, and immediately took a step back as I didn't need an interpreter to tell me what he wanted to do from that hungry stare on my lips.
He moved with me, fast, and before I could react, he leaned in.
Not aggressively or forcefully, but unmistakably.
My breath caught as instinct kicked in, helping me turn my head sharply, leaving his lips brushing nothing but air.
“Gerald!” I said firmly, stepping back. “No.” As I spoke, my heartbeat quickened from the thought of what just happened and the damage it could have done.
I really shouldn't have gone out to meet with him.
The room went still.
“I don’t feel that way about you.” I continued, heart hammering, as I thought of the need to out my foot down.
“Not now. Not ever. I care about you, but not like that.”
His jaw tightened.
For a moment, I saw the Gerald I knew, the one who would have laughed it off, apologized, stepped away.
But he didn’t.
“You’re confused,” he said quietly. “Jerome’s world is violence. Fear. Blood. You think he’s protecting you, but one day you’ll realize he’s the reason you’re never safe.”
“That’s not true.” I said, sharper than I intended.
He stepped closer again.
“I’m the only one who would never hurt you.” he said. “You’ll see that one day.”
The words sent a chill down my spine.
“That’s not something you get to decide.” I replied, voice steady despite the tremor in my hands. “And it’s not fair to say Jerome would hurt me. He hasn’t. He won’t.”
“You don’t know that.” Gerald insisted. “Not like I do.”
I shook my head. “I know enough.” I responded as my heartbeat quickened even further from the fear that was rising in me.
This wasn't the Gerald I knew.
The distance between us felt wrong now. Charged. Dangerous in a way it hadn’t before.
“I came here to be honest.” I said. “Not to be convinced.”
His expression hardened, something closing off behind his eyes.
“I hope you don’t regret this.” He said softly, with the ghost of a smile that I almost missed.
“I won’t.” I answered.
But as I turned to leave, my heart pounded with a new kind of unease.
Because the Gerald I’d spoken to tonight
wasn’t just hurt.
He was convinced. Too convinced that he was the one for me, and that frightened me more than his anger ever could.