Chapter 55 An end to this part 2
AXEL
"We need to put an end to an end to this," she told me calmly as she stared right back into my eyes and I blacked out for a minute, willing my ears so I hear what I just heard. "What thing?" I asked her, mimicking her calm tone because she surely didn't mean what I think she meant.
"This thing between us," she gestured to the tiny space between us, "it has to stop, we're risking a lot of things just because of physical intimacy and I can't do it to anyone. My prestige and respect are on the line if I get caught."
Wow! All night long, I almost lost my mind and sanity because of how she was dressed. I've been tethering over the edge of insanity since I saw her in that red gown since I pulled her into my arms since her scent assaulted my nose. I've tried to distract myself by engaging that girl just because I don't want to scare her with how much I needed her back in there. Heck, I couldn't even think straight while looking into her eyes, fuck, I couldn't think at all. She had almost rendered me completely thoughtless with how ridiculously pretty she was and it has been a fucking torture all night long to keep my fucking hands to myself!
And now she was telling me that she wants to put an end to this? Just like that?
"Why?" I asked calmly, my voice betraying the anger and rage I was feeling. Not at her though, maybe at myself because I felt like punching the wall.
"Don't you hear anything I just said? What we're doing is risky, you know there will be dire consequences if our families should catch us. When we started this thing, it was just going to be four fucks or so but now it's dragging on longer and it's getting riskier. We need to put an end to this before they make us put an end to it in the most dramatic way possible."
"So you're a coward?"
She looked as if I just slapped her.
"Coward? What has cowardice got to do with this?"
"Everything, Lisa, every single damn thing, you're putting an end to what you love so much, to what you enjoy doing so much that it scares you because you're a coward and you don't want your family
to find out."
"Oh fuck it, Axel. I can only be a coward if I'm running away from something worth fighting for, this is just sex, just physical intimacy, nothing more, nothing less, am I supposed to risk my life just because I'm getting some from you? When I can easily get it from someone else that won't put my life in jeopardy?"
My hand balled into a very tight fist and it was taking all my self-restraint not to punch the fucking wall.
"So I'm putting your life in jeopardy?"
"Sleeping with you is putting my life in jeopardy," she retorted, "my sister-in-law is on my case and if she gets a piece of evidence that I'm screwing around with you, I'm not sure what she'll do. I have
to put an end to this because it backfires."
"So you're scared of your sister-in-law?" I poked and fresh anger glistened in her eyes.
"You know what? Fuck you Axel, and go fuck yourself. I'm done with you and nothing you say or do will make me change my mind."
She brushed past me and she started to walk away but I'll be damned if I just allowed her to go like that.
LUSTRE
His hand grabbed me and he pulled me back so I was standing in front of him and I was right in his face so I could see his eyes and the anger in them.
Why was he even angry? It was just sex. He could get anyone to sleep with him, like the Barbie girl for instance. A lot of girls on campus will shamelessly jump into bed with him so why was he angry with me for calling this off? Or has his fragile male ego suffered a dent because a girl called their physical arrangement off?
And the audacity of him to actually say I'm doing this because of Angel! I have a reputation to keep and I've already allowed it to soil so much by sneaking around with him.
"You know what, Axel? I don't know why you're acting like this, we had an arrangement, but it doesn't work well for me again and I'm calling it off. You can easily get the whole female population on campus to sleep with you all at once so why are you so hung up on me? It's not like I'm breaking up with a boyfriend that we're in love with or something, it's just sex, just plain physical connection, you can get that from any other girl."
He didn't say anything for a long while, just regarded me with his deep and blank stare that made me feel so self-conscious as if he was poking deep at my insides. Then he jammed his hand into his pocket making him appear harsher and sterner than usual.
"So it's just sex, hmm?" He asked in a voice so low that it sounded so much like a growl.
"Of course, it's just sex, we're nothing more than that, Axel, we're just fuck buddies."
I searched his eyes, waiting for any reaction to my words but he showed nothing, his eyes just remained as blank as usual.
Please tell me it's more than sex, tell me I'm not the only one feeling this connection that has nothing to do with physical intimacy between us, tell me you've been feeling that attraction I've been feeling too. Tell me I'm not the only one feeling this. Tell me we're in this together. Let's do this. Let's see if we could amount to anything outside fucking.
But he said none of that, he just kept staring at me blankly.
"Of course, it's just sex," he maintained his gaze on me and I tried so hard not to quiver, to shatter, to dissolve to the ground.
And right, my heart wasn't breaking because of his words.
"It can't be anything more, it's nothing more than that, we've established that," he kept staring at me as if he wanted me to feel the impact of his words as if he wanted his words to sink into my soul,
and see what it'd make me feel.
He should have a second thing coming if he actually thinks I'll show that his words were affecting me.
Because they were so affecting me right now that I feel like crying.
"Do you think it was something more? That we are something more? It's just sex, Lisa, nothing more."
That stung.
That really stung.
"Of course, it's just sex," I didn't quiver under his intense gaze, "it's sex so I don't understand why you're making a big deal out of me walking away when we clearly agreed that we could call it off
anytime we wanted."
"I wonder why," he wouldn't stop looking at me, wouldn't stop poking deep into my soul, and for one bizarre moment, I saw look in his eyes that made me think he'd beg me to stay, even if it was just
for the sex.
"But I guess you're right, we've been blindsided because we're fucking around and it's high time we called it off."
Wow! My knees went numb again and it was such a fucking miracle that I wasn't dissolving into the ground.
"So have a nice life, Lisa, see you at the other side of the law."
And before I could blink, he raised his hand in a mock wave, turned around, and walked away, leaving me with a bleeding heart.