Chapter 40 Erase

It was as if the whole world had hrown me a huge meteorite. I was frozen. I was stuck. I was... dumbfounded. Parang gusto ko ulit na sisihin ang sarili ko na naisip ko pang bigyan ng tsansa si Claus na makilala ang anak niya, ang anak namin.

He... planned these. For sure.

I let out a smirk. Of course. Imposible naman kasing mahal niya akong talaga. Parang noon ay itinulak-tulak niya ako palayo. He loathed me dahil ako ang pinaniniwalaan niyang pumatay sa sarili naming anak noon.

I may treasure my career so much that time because I was just starting, and modelling is my passion. It was my first love before him, pero noong nalaman kong buntis ako sa anak namin ay hindi ko inisip na magpa-abort. I could never do such thing. And it hurts me na mas naniwala siya sa iba kaysa sa akin.

It broke me into pieces. Alam kong nasaktan siya sa nangyari, but he doesn't have the right to accuse me of something that I didn't do. Mas dumagdag pa siya sa stress ko noon.

I remembered how I beg. Kung paano ako nagpakatanga at nagmukhang aso na sunod ng sunod sa kaniya noon. I remembered it all and it's flashing in my mind so fast.

Mahal ko pa rin.

Putangina. Natawa ako ng mahina sa sarili.

I am really pitiful, huh?

Mahal ko pa rin talaga kahit anong tanggi ko. But no. Hindi ko magagawang pagbigyan ang sarili ko ngayon. Not this time na ang anak ko mismo ang pinupuntirya niya.

Mas lalo lang umigting ang desisyon kong huwag siyang ipakilala sa anak ko.

It's not even impossible that he's doing all of this shits for revenge. I know him. He can go through everything just to mess up someone's life who messed up his. And I'm not an exception.

Indira doesn't deserve to have a father like him. Revenge huh? Oh well. He's playing a game. A very dangerous one.

Oh well. Two heads can play this game better. Might as well join, never mind if I'm hurting inside.

Maaaring mahal ko pa siya, pero mas mahal ko ang anak ko kaysa sa kaniya.

Naunang umalis si Beatriz sa resting area. She had that triumphant smile on her lips that I badly wanted to wash off.

She's cunning.

Ngayon ko lang nakita ang ganitong side niya. She used to be prim and proper. She used to be the woman who's adored by everyone because of her kind heart and gentleness. I used to believe that too.

I clenched my jaw.

Pero hindi na ngayon. I am really feeling something fishy about my twin and I do hope that it's not what I am thinking right now. Or else... makikita niya talaga kung paano ako magalit.

Pagdating ko sa unit ay kaagad akong pumasok sa kwarto. My daughter is still sleeping peacefully. I kissed her forehead bago hinila ang maleta sa ilalim ng kama.

Hindi ako tatakas. Mag-iimpake lang ako dahil hindi na ako makapaghintay ng ibang araw pa para manatili dito. This place is suffocating. If not for the fashion show ay hindi ako babalik dito.

"M-mommy...?" Napalingon ako sa anak ko nang bigla itong magsalita. Kinusot kusot nito ang kaniyang mga mata habang dahan dahang bumangon sa kama.

I sighed.

Tumayo ako at kaagad siyang nilapitan. I carried her in my arms before kissing he forehead.

"Why hmm?" I asked softly. Umupo ako sa gilid ng kama habang kandong siya.

"I dreamed about something, Mommy..." she whispered. Nakita ko ang pag-nguso niya. Dahan dahang tumaas ang kamay nito patungo sa dibdib ko dahilan para matawa ako ng mahina.

Old habits die hard, huh?

She's now pinching my right breast like it was her stress ball. Napailing ako. May pinagmanahan.

"What did you dreamed about? Is it bad?" I asked while caressing her hair.

"No. It wasn't bad. It's just weird, Mommy..." ani nito bago umalis mula sa pagkakasandal sa akin at tiningnan ako ng diretso sa mukha. Gusto kong magtaas ng kilay ng makita kung gaano kaseryoso ang maliit na bata.

"Mommy, what is Daddy?"

***

"I'll enroll Indira this year. She badly wants to go to school already." I slightly pouted. It would probably be hard for me. I really don't like to be away from her. Kahit isang oras ay ayaw ko 'yon. Kung pwede lang na huwag ng pag-aralin si Indira at dito nalang lagi sa tabi ko e. Kaya lang, I don't want to cage her too much. I know that she needs to be out from her comfort zone too. She needs to socialize. And I know that it won't be hard for her. She's already a social butterfly at the age of five.

"Ang tanong, kaya mo bang mahiwalay sa kaniya?" Miya asked with a raised brow. She opened her mouth to eat the piece of cake she's holding on her spoon when Raf caught her wrist. Iginiya ni Raf ang kamay ni Miya na may hawak na spoon with cake and then eat it. Matapos nun ay bumalik ito sa pagtitipa sa kaniyang cellphone na parang walang nangyari.

Napakunot ang noo ko. I throw Miya a dirty and suspicious look. What is that, hmm? This too seems too... suspicious and personal.

Miya only rolled her eyes. Umiwas ito ng tingin at tumikhim.

Indeed suspicious.

What really happened?

I sighed.

"Anyways, aalis na tayo papunta sa isla sa susunod na araw. Be sure to pack the things that you want to bring from here dahil after Indira's birthday celebration ay didiretso na tayo sa airport. We're going back to France as soon as possible." ani ko pa. Nagtinginan ang dalawa bago napakurap at nag-iwas ng tingin, and take note, magkasabay pa 'yon.

Napangiwi ako.

They're really weird these days, I swear.

Hindi ko nalang sila pinuna at bumalik sa kwarto. I spent the whole day playing with Indira. Tunog ng tunog ang cellphone ko pero hindi ko 'yon pinapansin. It was the bastard, texting and calling me.

When I had enough of him, messaging me ay binlock ko na kaagad ang number ko and then I erased all that would remind me of him.

I rolled my eyes.

Hopefully, I can erase him in my heart too as soon as possible.