Chapter 18 Hate

Do people ever wonder what is it like to live with insecurities? To drown with it, to cry for it but nobody ever heard your sobs. To be in the dark and to wait for the sun to rose again but never once did it shine on you.

Maybe everyone would be so disappointed and disgusted at you when they know how much you're so insecure with your sister. She was the only insecurity you couldn't ignore. Your insecurity has always been there but never did it get strong like this.

Never did it bother you to the point that you'd actually blurt it all out. Never did it get to the point where it hurt you so much. Never did it once did make you over think because you were too afraid that the guy you like only likes you back because you look like your sister and his ex. Until now.

"Please don't lead me on. My sister likes you. She loves you!" You said.

You needed to get this through his head to somehow wake him up. To somehow stop what is coming. You wanted to shake him until he realize that you weren't Kara because if he won't, you'll fall and give in to him and you'll only break ang hurt yourself when all this time he just wanted you because you remind him of your sister.

It was the biggest nightmare you never though you'd have.

"And I like you." He smiled like he just didn't hear anything that you said.

Your eyes glimmers as the sun starts to set. You really wanted to hear those words but not with what you've got and what he had before you. Not when everything is uncertain.

"I am not Kara. I am not my sister." You said as you put your hand above his and took his hand off your wrist.

"You think I don't know that?" You saw how his jaw clench and his brows furrowed. He was pissed at what you said.

"You're only saying that because we have the same face." You still tried to tell him things that would've been annoying to everybody else but you just couldn't believe him.

You can't believe him. But what if you should? What if this is your one shot in a lifetime to be happy? What if being with him will make you happy after all those years of pain and agony?

But you still pleaded him at the back of your brain to take back what he said because you knew if he won't change his mind after everything that you got, you'd give in to him.

"What if I don't see her in your face? What if I dont see her in you?" He asked you, reading for your arm as he took a step forward.

He held your arms so lightly like he was so scared of ever hurting you. Like he wanted to convince you with his action. But this hands belonged to your sister. This hands held her, this hands took care of her. And this hands might just know her and only her.

"That's impossible." You sighed.

"It's not impossible. I look at you and I see her face and it feels the same but when I look at you again, I see a whole different person and I dont see her anymore."

Kim Taehyung was lost. Like he couldn't believe what he said either but it was the truth he was ready to share with you. It was the truth that he had been trying to get away from but now embracing it tightly.

And you would've been lying if you told him that what he said didn't take you to the heavens with the joy that you feel right now because for the first time, somebody saw you as someone and not Kara. He saw another individual with the same face as Kara's.

But even after all of that, there's still one thing that he should know. That he should accept. That he should face and realize.

"You should be hating me." You said, your throat was tightening and hurting as you felt your eyes sting.

This is it. He's going to hate you after you make him realize that you murdered your own sister, his lover. He's going to hate you to the point he'd never want to see you again.

"Why would I hate you?" He asked in confusion.

"I killed my sister. She died because of me." You said to him as a tear fell down your cheek.

But maybe you shouldn't get ahead of him and his feelings because Taehyung was far from what you think he is, he was far from what you expected him to be. You thought of him like how a typical person would think.

But this is Kim Taehyung, the guy who seem to be so cold and yet his warm hands would always wipe your tears away. The guy who would always snap at you, only to comfort you. He'd be annoyed at you but still can't push you away from him.

"She died but I never blamed you. I never thought you killed her because I know how much she loves you, that she wouldn't want me to blame you, to hate you. She was that good." He said, his thumb wiping the tear that fell down your cheek.

He smiled at you as he look at your eyes like he is speaking to your soul. Like he wanted you to really understand what he wants to say.

"But if I dont know that fact, I can't still seem to bring myself to hate you or to blame you because I know, Y/n, that it was an accident. She was driving that car and I should've taught her more, I should've taught her well everytime she'd persuade me to teach her how to drive." He said, you saw regret in his eyes.

You held his hand that was on your cheek as you look at him. "I will never hate you, Y/n. Whatever you did or whatever you will do, I will never hate you. Hate is such a strong word and feeling, please don't ever assume that I could ever feel that way towards you, love." He said.

"There will always be a part of my heart that will always belong to her but it's time to move on, Y/n. And I know she would've loved it if I fall in love again because she wouldn't want me to be alone."

"Please stop fighting this. Let's not push each other away with the thought that Kara will be angry at us or that we hurt her." He put another hand on your face, cupping it with his two large hands.

Maybe Taehyung is right. Maybe it's time to stop fighting this. Maybe it's time to give it a shot and see where this will lead the both of you.

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Next update: flashbacks.