Chapter Fifty-Six-1

Chapter Fifty-Six As soon as I see him, the conversation between Daniel and I is over, along with whatever intimate moment of before because in front of me is Lee Richardson. Every time I see him, he's different. This time his hair has grown, dirty-blond locks curling at the nape of his neck, the front gelled back. He's in a jet black suit, a deep blue bow-tie around his neck. It compliments him so well, especially the bow-tie that amplifies the bright blue of his eyes. In his hands are two glasses of champagne and the gleam of an expensive looking watch. His face is baffled as if he's surprised I'm here. "Happy birthday, Lee," I say. I have no clue how I manage to find my voice to speak like my heart isn't ready to fall out of my chest. His eyes sink into me, down me, and quickly back up before they can linger. He shakes off his confused look—What did he expect? He invited me—and forces a smile. "Thank you," he says, sounding just as calm. His eyes flick to Daniel and back to me. "Good to see you again, Ivory." Daniel, oblivious, grins at Lee. "Happy birthday, dude! Honored to be here." Lee nods. He doesn't look as angry as months ago, but still, he could try harder. And in that thought, I realize I haven't seen Lee in months. Which is insane. Flashes of our past blink in my head. How could all that change in just a few months? "You guys sure are weird," Daniel comments. "You're so close and yet you guys don't hug or anything. Come on, Ivory. Don't be rude." He nudges me with his elbow. I look at Daniel and scoff. "Oh, pfft, you know Lee and I. We're just so close we don't need to hug or anything." I pat the area of my chest above my heart. "Our bond is here." Lee looks agitated at my comment, a twitch of his eyebrow signifying his anger. I know his cues. I used to know them...so well. "Quite so," he says. He pauses. "Well, if that's all...I have some business to attend to, if you don't mind." "Nope, go ahead," I say immediately. "Good," he replies. He turns without a second glance. And with him, it's like the atmosphere around me disappears to and I am back into my dark, sulking hole. Sad enough, the past few days, I've felt nothing. Drowning under blankets and bottles of vodka and sleep, I had been doing such a good job of erasing myself. Making myself numb. I was so close to disappearing. "Ivory? Ivory?" I snap out of my haze. Daniel is talking to me, his hand delicately brushing up on my upper arm. It reminds me of the moment that had been occurring moments before. His...words. I feel like he is about to address them again. Shit. "Uh," I say, backing up slowly. "I'm thirsty. I'll be right back. You want a drink? Yeah? Hold on a second." I slip out, quicker than I thought I ever could, backing slowly and then throwing myself between strangers before he can stop me. His face is hurt again. I need to stop doing this. Somehow, I find myself at the bar. And before I realize—I don't realize much these days, it's like I'm on autopilot all the time—I'm three drinks in, sitting on a stool while the party around me crackles. This all feels wrong. Why am I here? What am I trying to prove? I feel like I'm choked all of a sudden. This dress. This party. Get me out. I begin to stand and my brain pulses, sending a wave of nausea over me. I grip onto the stool next to me, alarming a middle-aged man briefly before he returns back to his drink and date. The thought of Daniel briefly encompasses my mind. But why do I find myself walking in the opposite direction of the man who loves me and is probably looking for me? Why do I find his "I love you" more of a burden than a relief? Before I know it, I am out of the room full of people and wandering the hallways of the hotel we're in. Most people do not make any gestures that they are about what I'm doing. I hope I am walking in a straight line. I wander for endless minutes until I stumble past the Hotel Gardens. Hotel Gardens? I reverse. Two locked glass doors outlined in white lead the way to a greenhouse. A sign reads 'Open from 8:00am to 4:00pm'. It's closed. Inside, it looks dark with rays of the moon shining in. That looks like a nice place. No one would bother me in here. The doors are locked but I walk up to them anyway and reach out. I press down on one handle and—it opens. I tilt my head, bewildered. Regardless, I venture forward. It is much more bigger inside. Leaves and the rustle of plants surround me. When I look up, I can see the moon and the tips of certain nearby skyscrapers. I wish all hotels invested in a little herbal garden. For the first time since being affected by the nostalgia of Christmas and the general realization of how my life has spiraled, I feel like I can breathe a little. My thoughts and reality weigh heavy, but still, a little ease courses through my mind like the gentle wind passing through a open window. Suddenly, I hear the scrape of the bottom of a shoe against the floor. I look towards the noise and am almost amazed at this ironic coincidence. The man sips his glass of wine, sighs, and begins to turn back...right to me. "Ivory?" My heart lurches. "Hi...Lee." I just can't seem to get away from this twisted fate. My mind begins to spin, partly from being slightly tipsy and partly from the incredible amount of deja-vu. Except last year on his birthday, we were only foolishly beginning. And now, we're over for good. "I'm going to go," I announce though it is clear we can't be in proximity without upsetting the other. I turn, walking away messily in my heels and tipsy demeanor.