Chapter Fifty-Six-2

"Please stay." I freeze. If it hadn't been but barely a whisper, I wonder if I would've heard it. I wonder what would've happened if I had ignored it and left. But the words catch me. They wrap around my heart—the same words from his 21st birthday bash on the balcony. The first time I'd seen him cry. The first time he'd been the one to kiss me. And I do. No matter what happens, what he says or I say, in the end, a piece of me can't just let it go. Let us go. I turn and stand by his side. He's touching the petals of the random flowers in front of him. One side of his smile tunes up. "Do you remember?" he asks casually, as if we hadn't spoken in months. "Back when I gave you dead flowers? It was the first time I'd given anyone flowers. Especially dead flowers at that." I stare at him for a moment. Just a moment, I tell myself. Then I won't. My eyes run over the man that I loved. His dark as night suit and his tall stance. His firm grip on his wine glass and the gentle pressure of his other hand's fingers on the petals—the two sides of him. His beautiful hair slicked back that I have watched him run his hands through multiple times. How did this happen? I find myself circling back to this too much. "I remember," I say, taking a seat on the floor with my back against the walls of the garden by Lee's feet. "You kissed me in the moonlight on my own porch. And even though my mother was in the hospital, even though Madam Jin was inside blowing away my life into the lie it is, even though my life was a mess—I felt perfectly happy. I never believed we could work out more than in that moment. That everything would be fine." I let out a dry chuckle. "What a fool I was, huh?" "Then that means we were both fools," he replies right away, his voice sounding like it's stuck somewhere in his throat. He lets go of the flower, looking down at me intensely. Nothing and everything has changed about him. He moves, getting on a knee before plopping down next to me. Handing me the wine bottle directly instead of the glass, he lets out a defeated sigh. We're both tired and exhausted from the past few months. "How did this happen?" He peeks over at my expression and I look at him. We both begin to laugh in a chaotic, insane way. We both shouldn't be in this garden and especially together, but we are. It's so us. "Well...I'll tell you," I begin to say. "I was a stupid eighteen year old in high school, which also feels like forever ago. I thought I was madly in love with a boy named Peter who was with Karen, who both never were as evil as I thought in the end. A jealous moment later, I was uttering your name as your girlfriend. The necessity to win made the lie expand till it reached you and everything I'd known. We both needed each other. Me for personal vendettas and you because I looked like Madam Jin's granddaughter, which turns out is exactly who I supposedly am." I take a long swig of wine just from saying barely the half of this story out loud. How did I get into this mess? I sound crazy. I continue. "My mother had a freak accident. She's in a coma. She recently had a aneurysm that worsened her conditions by triple." I take another swig. "She did?" Lee says. "No, who am I kidding? I knew that. Despite our relations, I made sure your mother was being taken care by the best doctors I could offer. I get a weekly report of her always." "You do?" I say, eyes widening. Calm that heart, I order myself. "Thanks." He shrugs but by the flickering of his eyes, I know this isn't just a cup of tea for him. "No problem," he says. "Least I can do. But anyways, continue telling me how we ended up here." "Right, so," I begin again. "Then I found out you had a fiancee, Penny, who seems like the classic evil woman but probably is nice if I got to know her. But we fell in love anyway. I met Mark, your ex-best friend who stole your girl, Anne, who is also in the hospital. Mark and I have a complicated relationship. We don't talk anymore. You both moved into help out. Brent came home. You and I ran away together for a day and you told me all about you. I fell hard for you. I graduated. Penny got pregnant. We broke up because it just wouldn't work. I began college. Mom got worse. I met Daniel, who's been such a beacon in the dark. We met up and you accused me of leaking your past to the press in a fit of rage. Which was great. You shattered my heart. And apparently, my dad is alive because of some crazy rich people drama. And now Mom is the worst she's ever been and Christmas was so fucking lonely and Daniel said he loved me and there's just so much going on and you hate me and I hate me more and I'm pretty sure I have an alcohol problem and I can't breathe—" Lee's arms are around me before I break down into sobs. I'm pretty sure I'm crying by now. I can't tell due to me being deep in my thoughts. "Shh," he soothes, stroking my hair. "You're okay." He sounds incredibly sad. "I'm so sorry. I'm so..." His voice wavers and he hugs me tighter. I blame it on our buzzed states. The dark. This garden. His birthday. Anything to justify our radical behavior. But, nonetheless, I hug him tight and hard. It's like I am trying to swallow up him in my arms and somehow search for answers at the same time. I am sure we hug for hours because by the time we pull apart, I feel sober. "I am sorry, Ivory." Lee's hand comes up and caresses my cheek. "I am so, so sorry." He wipes away a tear, or maybe several tears. "You deserve better. I wish I was better. I wish I could take away all your pain. No matter what I own or how much power I obtain, I can't seem to be better for you. I just keep making it worse. I am sorry I ever accused you of the leaked article. I'm sure there was a reporter tagging me that day. I am sorry for your mother. I am sorry I wasn't there. I am also sorry I ever was." He takes a deep breath, his blue eyes searching the ground for what to say next. "If we had never met, you would be a normal girl." For a second, I realize his statement is true, but I snap out of it. I place my hand over his. Everything feels warm. Is it the liquor? "I'd still be a sad, but maybe duller girl at most." We both laugh. When our laughter hushes to silences, I notice his eyes. They're wet. I take my hand and press it to his cheek instead. My voice sounds stronger than I think it will be. "I am so proud of you. You used to be so...cold. Blocked. Distant. Instead, I've got to witness you flourish. You're warm inside. Incredibly generous and funny and thoughtful. You care about everyone. Penny, who is not carrying your child—your loyalty to her. You supporting me, even when we're not together. You have a big heart, Lee Richardson. I'm just sorry I was too weak to hold it. I mean that." He suddenly grips my hand, holding it tight. "Don't ever say that. You are the strongest woman I know. You are doing so well and you're going to continue being okay. You have my heart, no matter what." My heart catches. It shouldn't. It never should. But it always does. "I forgive you," I say to Lee. As I speak, I feel my chest begin to expand and breathe again. It feels lighter. My breath evens. "I do. And I'm sorry for all I've done too." Lee smiles—a full Lee smile. It is so rare and dazzling I almost begin to cry again. I haven't seen that smile in months. I haven't felt this happy in months. I could cry. "Forgiven." I put down the wine bottle to the side, extending my open right hand. "Friends?" Lee watches me intently, his eyes shimmering with the reflected moonlight and hope. He looks down at my hand and smirks, scoffing, but he takes it. "Sure. Friends." And in that moment, everything feels okay again. And in that moment, as if my life wasn't insane enough, the sprinklers of the garden room turn on suddenly. Lee and I are soaked within seconds and we both can't seem to find efforts to care. We both stare at each other, a reconnected part of both our souls, finally at peace again after what felt like forever. And we smile. Then, Lee begins to laugh and reaches over to drink some wine. I follow, laughing and sipping wine and marveling at our lives with a man I never thought I'd laugh with again. Sometimes, you have to enjoy the happy moments while they last. Twenty minutes later, I get a call from the hospital to inform me my mother has passed.