Chapter 38: Chp-37 - Ex-wife

Xander Pov

Flashback Continue

Clutching a letter in my hand I took deep breaths to stop myself from bursting out in tears. How will I be able to face her after this? How will I be able to tell her this? It will break her.

It's not like truth hasn't been breaking her but still, this is just too much now. It's been two weeks since that incident. And all this time Mia didn't for once talk to me. I don't blame her at least she's not pushing me away as well.

I took care of her with my everything. I wanted to find that bastard but he and his family just disappeared in thin air. After two days of Mia getting discharged from the hospital, I took her to my house.

I tried contacting Maxim even went to his house. I know I have no right to tell him about the child and I wasn't planning to. I just want him to meet Mia. Beg for her forgiveness and if she wants she can even tell him about the child.

But that bastard just disappeared God knows where. I tried finding him. I even asked one of my trusted men to search for him but nothing. The only thing I got to know that he went to another country with his family.

At first, I thought maybe he will come back but no. He didn't. That despicable man didn't even try to contact Mia. Is this really love? He left her and didn't even look back in her hardest time.

She needs him. I can feel it. She loves him beyond anything. And somewhere in her heart she still craves for him and I can see it clearly. It hurts me seeing her ignoring me like I am invisible. But I don't blame her. It's me who's to be blamed.

But today I didn't know what to do. I was beyond terrified to even face her. I can't hide this for long. She deserves to know. But how. I can't break her beyond her enduring capacity.

I got a letter from the post. There was no address. No name. No specific information. Only my name was mentioned in the letter. When I opened the envelope there were two pages. On one my name was printed.

It was from Maxim. "Hello, Xander. I got to know from my people that you're trying to find me. I would advise you not. I have moved away from the country with my son and wife. I don't want to have anything with you and Mia. I know I hurt her. And I don't deserve her. I should have controlled myself. I should have never gotten involved with her. It was my fault in the first place. I am to be blamed for everything. I have no strength to face her. To apologize looking into her eyes. I am ashamed. Too much ashamed. I have promised my wife that I will never turn my back on my son and her again. I can't go back on my words. I can't leave my family. I love my son too much. I can't leave him. He needs a proper family and my wife and I had decided to give him. Please take care of Mia. I know she needs you more than she ever needed me. She will move on. I am sure she will. Kindly give the other letter to Mia."

Maxim

I didn't fight the anger that burst in my veins. I tore the letter in anger. What the fuck he said. Family. Son. Where was his fucking love for his family when he was fooling a young girl? Bastard. Fucking asshole.

Letting out a train of curses and profanities. I had to drink a whole jug of cold water just to cool myself. I felt like finding him and ripping him apart. His child. I scoffed that the thought. His child. Then what about Mia. What about the child she's carrying?

He didn't even try to find the reason why I am trying to find him like a mad man. Why am I ruining my night sleeps just to have a little bit information about him? Bastard.

After relaxing myself I finally decided to give the other letter to Mia. I can't hide this. She deserves to know the bitter truth. That her so-called lover had abandoned her. Because he loves his son. Asshole.

Entering the guest room. I found her sitting in the same place. On the sofa looking outside the window. This is what had happened to her. Sitting near the window all day. She only eats sleep and remains lost in her thoughts.

Can I blame her? No, I can't. This time that bastard the father of her child should be with her. Near her. Holding her. Taking responsibility of their child but no. He's busy being a coward.

"Mia," I called her making her turn to me. She again looked at me emotionlessly without uttering a single word. This is how she's punishing me. Giving me a silent treatment.

"Here." I wanted to say more but I had no words. I handed her the letter making her frown a little. She slowly took it from my slightly trembling hand.

I watched her as she opened the letter and started reading it. I knew there will be the same things. His love declaration. His beggings. Asking for forgiveness. Telling her to move on. Telling her how ruthlessly he chose his son and wife over of her.

Proving her that he indeed played her.

I expected her to at least shed one tear but nothing. Her emotionless and blank expressions broke me further. My lips quirked is displeased.

Look Xander what have you done to her. Look how much you broke her. It's all your fault.

A voice in my head accused me and I did nothing to shut it up. I silently stared at the girl I broke. She placed the letter on the sofa again folding it. I stared at her silently.

I sighed heavily when she turned her head towards the window again. I couldn't do this anymore. I couldn't let her destroy her like this. I can't.

I scooted closer to her making her turn her head towards me. I knew she doesn't trust me anymore. It was obvious from the way she flinched when I grabbed her arms. My grip was gentle but my touch had already left a huge terror in her mind.

I gently pulled her against my chest forcing her head on my shoulder. I knew she was trying to hide her pain. But for how long. Crying doesn't make you weak. It lessens your burden.

This is what my father used to say. And today I knew she needed to let out or she will never be able to save herself from falling deeper.

"Cry, princess. Cry. I know it's hurting you. I know it's painful. Just think the one whose hugging you it's not the man who tormented you but the man you used to call your friend. Just cry. I am here Mia. Just let out."

I felt her shoulders shaking while her body started trembling. She wanted to be strong but finally, her tears started falling on my bare neck. I bit my lip feeling a tear escaping my eye as well.

Her cries at first were almost inaudible but slowly she started sobbing loudly. Her sobbing changed into loud wailing pressing my face deeper in my neck. I did nothing only pressed her against my body trying to give her the warmth of my embrace.

Her cries reminded me of the sin I committed. Reminded me that half of the credit of her pain goes to me. I am as responsible as that bastard was. But I wasn't ready to be a coward like him. I am ready to do anything to redeem what I have caused.

I will do everything. Anything for her to forgive me. Even in doing so, I have to forget about my wishes. Dreams or desires. She's the only one who matters to me. And I will do anything for her comfort. For her peace.

After a while of crying she slept in my embrace I was happy that she at least let her pain out a little. I watched her all night sleeping. For the first time after that incident, she looked peaceful.

The next day I talked to her and to my surprise she replied. I tried convincing her that I will try to find Maxim but she asked me to not. She said she doesn't want to ruin a family. He's happy with his family. So let him be.

I didn't give up. I tried every day to convince her and a month went away. But she never said yes to my advise. And finally, I gave up. I can't force her for something she doesn't want to.

We started communicating more. I did everything to make the pregnancy easy for her. She was still a little distant from me but I didn't mind it. I was ready to do anything to make her life easy at least.

After some days I noticed her being too much quiet. It wasn't like she used to dance all around but still, it was like she always went to her own planet and I had to call her many times to make her listen to me. And it was worrying me.

"Mia what's bothering you. I thought we are doing good. Aren't you comfortable with me anymore? I can arrange another house for you if you want. You can even start your job again. I---" I stopped my chattering when she placed her hand on mine.

"Xander it's just." I looked into her green eyes. And was relieved to find a little bit of shine in them. I hope one day she will get the same brightness she used to have in her eyes back.

"My baby. I don't know what to tell my child when he/she will ask me about their father." I sucked on my breath hearing her words.

I didn't even for once think about this. Even though I wanted to tell her that she doesn't have to fear being a single mother but again. She's just 19 years old for God sakes. She deserves to have a proper life. A normal life, full of happiness.

"I don't want my child to grow up having no father. I don't know what to do. I don't even want to look at another man anymore. I felt like a homewrecker." Her voice broke in the end making me held her both hands.

"Don't. Don't you dare to call yourself that? He's the lying bastard here not you. You just loved a man who was single in your eyes. He's the culprit, not you princess. So don't." I warned her making her chuckle slightly.

I stared at her as her smile faded away and a heavy sigh left her lips. What have I done? Her life had turned so difficult. I stared at her thinking about something. I don't know how she will react but I have no other way in my mind.

"What." She asked me as all I did was stare at her continuously.

"Marry me." As soon as words left my lips she froze. Her eyes widened staring at me with a shocked face.

"Marry me. Let me be the father of this child. And if you ever found someone you want to be with. You can leave me. I wouldn't stop you. But I am still ready to take yours and this precious gem's responsibility."

She shook her head. "No Xander. I can't do this to you. I am pregnant with another man's child. And I." I kissed her hands hushing her.

"I know Mia. And I am ready to accept you with everything. I am proposing you with open eyes." She looked at me with a defeated gaze.

"But. I love. Love someone else, Xander." She whispered making me feel the pain again. But I only smiled at her.

"And I love you and I am ready to do anything for you."

Flashback End

Author Pov

"After my pursuing she accepted the proposal. My father was a little bit hesitant but then I told him that she was pregnant with my child and he accepted it. We got married and it took my everything to pull her sanity back on track. When Alexander born I named him joining my name with our son's. She was so happy that day. After few months of Alex's birth. I noticed how she used to stare at me. I thought it might be only a being grateful look but I was wrong."

Xander stopped wiping his tears. He chuckled rubbing his hands on his tear stained face.

"One night I came back from the work. At that time I was working to raise my company a little. I wasn't that successful at that time. I went to my room only to find Mia still wide awake. She said she was waiting for me and it made me so happy. We talked for a while and then she asked me something."

Xander stopped making Amelia look at him through her teary gaze. "She asked me 'Xander do you still love me.' I said yes. She looked at me with her teary eyes and told me to find someone. I refused. I simply brushed her off saying that it's fine she doesn't love me all I care about is she's happy and that's enough. That night I again apologized for the things I did to her and then she said something I was dying to hear. She said 'I forgive you Xander' It was sincere and real."

Amelia smiled hearing his words. More tears escaped Xander's eyes looking up the ceiling taking deep breaths.

"That night was the first time when she made the first move and let me take our marriage to another level. The first time I touched her. The first time we both entered an intimated relationship." Xander chuckled letting more tears escaped his eyes.

"But I wish that would be enough to lessen my pain. My guilt but it wasn't. Years went away. And one day I came to know that Mia was suffering from a brain tumour." Amelia gasped while Xander sobbed out.

"I fought with her that why she didn't tell me. She said she also came to know when there was no hope for her to get treatment. I tried everything to find a cure for her but every Doctor said the same. There was no hope for her to be saved. I remember how she smiled last time. How she mumbled my name saying to take care of Alex. How she asked me to find a better woman and marry her. To move on. To let her go. To r-remember her but as a f-friend."

Xander burst out in heavy tears. Loud sobs ripped through his lips making Amelia cry out silently as well. She gently wrapped her arms around him pulling him in her embrace. He did nothing except to hold her close. He let his head be buried in her crook crying out like a child.

"S-She died i-in my a-arms Amelia. I w-witnessed her b-being buried. I w-watched her l-leaving me. O-Our son. S-She. I ----" Amelia tightened her grip on him when his sobbing turned louder. He couldn't even be able to say one word without stuttering.

"Enough Xander. Don't do this." She said rubbing his back but he cried shaking his head.

"I did everything she asked me. She forgave me, Amelia. She did. She told me that for million times but my mind. Soul. Heart every fibre of my body refused to let my pain. My guilt go away. I was never able to gain her love. I just. I" He clutched her dress letting out few sobs.

"I just w-wanted to be loved by her. She never said she loved me. Never. I was her sinner. I still am. I-I can't forget it. I can't." Amelia let him cry his heart out in her embrace.

After a while of crying, he finally relaxed a bit. She gently laid him down on the bed while she laid beside him. They both stared at each other in silence.

"Then why your father. And also why don't you go to her grave anymore." She decided to ask him when he relaxed a bit. He wasn't crying anymore but his eyes were bloodshot and puffy.

"I told my father everything when Mia was on the verge of death. My father was ashamed of the things I did to Mia. He asked Mia for forgiveness on my behave but she being kind-hearted told him and how much I did for her and she had forgiven me a long time ago. But my father refused to forgive me. I endured his cold shoulder and anger for the past 4 years. And finally, he forgave me because of you." He said caressing her cheek making her smile.

"I went to her grave on the first death anniversary and that day I remember how much I cried. I couldn't get myself to stand without letting out one tear. It was so hard to look at her grave without crying out and I wasn't strong enough to cry in front of Alex again next year. So I stopped visiting her grave in the presence of Alex. I did visit her on every death anniversary but not with Alex."

Amelia sighed nodding her head. She knew it wasn't the right time to say anything. He needed some time. He needed to be relaxed. He needed to have a little sleep. His eyes were shouting the sleepless nights they had gone through. Why didn't she notice it before? Why didn't she notice the deep pain they held.

She knew the sadness in them and she had seen it a long time ago But the pain she saw today. She couldn't help but feel immense pain in her heart as well.

She slowly wrapped her arms around his neck pulling her head in her embrace. Xander without any protest let himself be comforted in her arms. She smiled feeling him snuggling in her crook.

It was his most vulnerable time and she proved to be his comfort in all times.

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There are some things I wasn't able to explain as I didn't know where to add them so here they are.

1- Mia had no family. She was an orphan. She used to live with her one aunt only but she died when Mia turned 17. After that she started studying and doing job together. Xander helped her financially a lot.

2- When that incident happened Xander was working on his Company's betterment. He wasn't a billionaire that time. So that's why it wasn't easy for him to find Maxim.

3- Maxim never came back. Neither Mia tried to know about him nor Xander ever tried to find him.

4- Mia loved Xander but as a friend. She tried to love him. She even tried a real marriage life with him but her heart never accepted him.

5- Xander wasn't madly in love with her. Or crazily in guilt. His actions and emotions were a mixture. He loved but regretted the things he did at the same time.

6- Must be like why Mia had an intimated relationship with Xander. Why she let him touch her and all. Because she wanted to try a real marriage with him. She wanted to give him the love he deserved but fate had decided something else and she was diagnosed with Brain tumour. Plus you can't expect a grown up man to not have his needs espeacially who works so much. So she made her mind to try a new life with him. After all she had forgiven a long time ago.

7- Lastly I know you want to know why Xander wasn't able to have Alex custody when he's the legal father. I will explain it in next chp. ;)