***Chapter Sixty-Nine***
"Anna, you dirty dog," Cameron smirked at me.
School was back in session, ramping up a bit as there were only a few weeks left until another break. Cameron, Dillon, and I were sitting in the library trying to study. It was hard because all we wanted to do was talk to each other. Cameron wanted to hear about what was happening with Drew. I told him everything and he couldn't believe his ears. What was he expecting?
Laughing, I shake my head at him. "It's no big deal," I play it off.
"No big deal! You did it!" He yelled before we were told to hush by the librarian.
We stopped talking until she walked away. "She's not so innocent anymore," Dillon teased.
They were annoying. "Can we not make a big deal out of this?" It felt weird even talking about it.
More importantly, we didn't need anyone to know anything. Not Julie, not any of their fans they had here on campus. We needed to keep this as quiet as possible so no one else would find out. My actions aren't regretted, but that didn't mean not to proceed with caution. There was already too much going on. We didn't need more.
Still, it did feel good to finally get that feeling out of my system. I've been wanting to do that for a long time. It was the perfect opportunity and it paid off. Well, for the most part. I'm not able to keep him the way that I want to. That alone sucked, but at least it was something. Now where would we go from here?
Cameron rolled his eyes. "You're no fun," he pouted. "Is now the time to say I was right?"
I didn't want to however, he was. "You...were right," I sighed.
Dillon laughed. "Can we switch topics for a second," she suggested. "Christmas...what are we doing?"
Cameron and I looked at her confused. "Going home," we both say.
"No, you idiots, I mean before going home." Her eyes rolled.
Come to think of it, we didn't make any plans before going on break. Half of us would be together when we got home anyway. The only people that would be missing are Cameron, Kayla, and Keegan. It would be nice to celebrate the holiday together. A friend's Christmas. There was such little time left though. What could we possibly do on such short notice?
Not fond of the idea myself, Dillon thought we should do Secret Santa. The limit was going to be 30 dollars since we were all pretty broke. I barely knew what to get my mom for Christmas and now I had to get one of them something as well. It's a lot with a few weeks to spare but I'll do it somehow.
Dillon was thrilled about it, planning every last detail. "We'll do it the week before leaving so we can celebrate early," she says.
"We'll have to pick names and make sure we don't pick ourselves," Cameron added.
I agreed. "And soon...like tomorrow," I added.
It was the beginning of December with 3 weeks until Christmas. Meaning we technically had only a week to get our gifts and then hand them to each other. On top of that, we also had finals to worry about as well. Nobody seemed to be struggling too badly but it should be taken into consideration. There is always something going on with our friend group.
Leave it to everyone else to be on board though as Dillon sent out a text to everyone. We were going to meet in our dorm to pull names. It’d be interesting to see who draws what. We spent a lot of time together but did we know what to buy one another for Christmas? We haven’t exactly talked too much about our interests. Despite that, our connection to each other was just that…a connection.
Either way, we finished up our classes, and everyone, with Kayla and Keegan, met in our dorm. I wrote everyone’s name down on a piece of paper and threw them inside a hat. Going around, everyone picked a paper making sure it wasn’t their name. Once that was done, everyone seemed content with what they pulled. Except for me.
See, I was the unlucky one and pulled Juliana’s name. That girl is so hard to please. I was hoping to get Dillon so it would count as my Christmas gift already, but no. The world didn’t want to keep me away from Julie for some reason. It’s like we were two peas in a damn pod. 30 dollars wasn’t nearly enough to spend on her. What could there possibly be that she’d like for 30 dollars? Fucking hell.
“Alright, remember don’t tell anyone who you have,” Dillon reminded us.
Juliana was giddy. “This is so exciting. I know exactly what I’m getting!” She squealed.
Drew sighed. “Lucky you, my person is hard…for me anyway.”
“When are we exchanging?” Keegan asked.
Dre came up with a game plan. “The last day of finals so it’ll give us a week to shop. Then that last day we get together here, spend the night with one another, and then we’ll leave right after.”
It sounded like a smart idea. This will also be the first time we essentially have a sleepover. That’ll be fun all things considered. Next semester could be different for us. With their band taking off, there’s no telling what’s going to happen. It was the perfect opportunity to get at least one good memory in with us all together. Who knows if we’ll get this chance again?
Satisfied with that, we chilled for a little while longer before everyone left to get some sleep. Julie was the only one who didn’t leave right away because she wanted to talk to me of course. There wasn’t anything that needed to be said between us at the moment. It’s easier to avoid troubling conversations than to deal with them.
Stepping into the hallway, we say goodbye to everyone before beginning our talk. I knew what she wanted to say. There isn’t much to be told unless I outed myself. Imagine me telling Juliana I slept with her supposed boyfriend. She’ll outright kill me where I’m standing.
“You talked to Drew?” She wasted no time getting to the point.
My arms crossed over my chest. “What about it?” I question back.
Her voice raises. “What do you mean? He’s still acting weird,” she said. “You didn’t do a very good job.”
The annoyance in my tone was hard to hide. “I can’t control how he’s acting Julie and quite frankly, I don’t care.” What else did she want me to do?
However, I did care about him acting weird. What was I supposed to do? We’ve solved our differences in indescribable ways, now what? She thought that if I talked to him again he’d be back to showering her with love and attention. That was not the problem as Drew and I were fine now. There is something more going on with him to stop catering to her every whim. Julie was either too egocentric to see it or just dumb.
Julie sucked her teeth as I prepared for a snarky comment back. Instead, she surprised me and made me feel bad altogether. “You just don’t understand Anna.” Her head bows. “I know I can be controlling…”
“Mhmm.” I agree.
“Possessive…”
“Definitely.”
“But it’s because I love him,” she finally says with a lot of emotion in her voice. “We’ve been together for years now and though it started as puppy love, I truly do love Drew yet we can’t be any more incompatible.”
My heart sank hearing her say that. Not because I know how she feels because I do. But because something in me said that Drew did not reciprocate her feelings. Instead, he bestowed them upon me and I couldn’t do anything about that. It’s one thing for him to stay with her and feel something. This seemed like Juliana was doing all the feeling and Drew was simply there. Whether because he had to be or whatever their situation is. Somebody was going to be hurt at the end of it. As much as I felt like it was going to be me…it was Julie.
There wasn’t anything I could say to her though. Knowing what I know, that’ll only crush her more and prove her suspicions right. There’s also the problem of Drew and I conceding to remain friends only. Could I tell her how we both felt about each other? Yeah, sure but that’ll only lead to more heartache for Julie. We were doing the right thing by ending our situation-ship but Drew was not keeping up on his end. Evidently.
Every part of me wanted to rejoice in the thought of having a chance with Drew. Unfortunately, I couldn’t bring myself to do it. As much as my heart yearns, betraying Julie even further would crush me.
Sighing, there wasn’t much solace I could provide her with. “Did you explain to him how you feel? Like truly feel.” I couldn’t help but wonder.
Her face scrunched up. “Well…not exactly,” she admits.
“So tell him.” I shrug. “The least he could say is he doesn’t feel the same way.”
She blows a breath. “That’s what I don’t want Anna,” she complained. “Are you even listening to me?”
I couldn’t help but laugh. “Yes, and it’s obvious you and Drew know how to communicate with one another. Now take the first step.”
I don’t know why I was giving her advice to win Drew over. That seemed like the opposite of what should be happening. Seeing her anguish reminded me of myself. Juliana was being sincere about this. Despite how their relationship started, it’s clear that Juliana was past that. She wanted something more. I’m not sure if Drew could provide that to her though.
Regardless, I did what I needed to do. Now Juliana would either repair what was broken or for the first time in her life get rejected. Either way, the results of this would be bad no matter what happens.