***Chapter Seventy***
A few days later, I found myself with Dillon and Cameron trying to shop around for gifts. It wasn’t something we should be doing together but it’s not like we know who the person is shopping for. Especially with such a low budget, the things we buy could be for anybody. Having the hardest person to shop for didn’t make this any easier either.
Speaking of my person, I was informing them about what happened with her. I’m not sure if she had said anything to Drew yet but I encouraged her to express her feelings to him. Something that might cost my relationship with Drew. If he hears what she has to say then it’s possible he wouldn’t look twice at me. Maybe even flake out on our date. It pained me to be so supportive but could anyone blame me?
They could because they thought I was being dumb. It wasn’t necessarily dumb just me not thinking clearly. The main thing for me was getting Julie off my back. If it meant her getting a little more serious with Drew then so be it.
“You’re going to regret this,” Dillon informed me.
My eyes roll at her silliness. “You guys forget that we’re not the ones in a relationship.”
“You may as well be.” Cameron scoffed.
I shrug. “Well, we’re not.” I got a little snippy. “Whatever happens let’s just be happy for them.”
Dill crossed her arms. “You’re going to be happy seeing someone you love with someone else?”
My heart pangs in my chest hearing her say that. The situation wasn’t ideal but it never was to begin with. Our whole relationship started with deception. Now that things were catching up to us, it was time to pull back. Everyone kept telling me to watch out for Julie and now that I was, suddenly it was the wrong thing to do. There were already so many lines crossed that caution should be thrown out the window. Call me a sucker, but there was still no telling what Julie was capable of and I didn’t want to find out.
Unfortunately, the one thing I didn’t want to happen happened. Drew showed up along with Dre making this harder than it needed to be. Seeing his face made me want to know if he talked to Julie yet. Did she go through with what we talked about? And if so, how did it make him feel? None of it should be my concern since we agreed to put the past behind us. It was a lot easier said than done given my feelings.
Spotting us, I immediately try to make myself invisible. We were on good terms and still had a date planned but irrational fear took over me. I don’t want to fear that Drew might want to be with his girlfriend. HIS girlfriend! It was ridiculous and I couldn’t be mad about it. Jealousy was such an ugly thing.
“Hey, you guys getting some shopping done too?” Dre asked wrapping himself around Dillon.
Cam shrugged. “More or less. The budget sort of confines things.”
“And depending on the person you have it makes it 10 times harder,” I say leaning against the wall near me.
Dillon sucked her teeth. “We all agreed to this. No complaining now!”
Dre laughed. “Can we at least complain over there?” Dre winked at her.
I’m not sure what that was code for but I didn’t want to find out. They went on their merry way while Cameron decided that he was hungry making his way to the food court. All that was left was Drew and I. None of this felt awkward but we didn’t know what to say to each other. It’s been a minute since we’ve been alone like this. Trying to keep our relationship friendly was hard. After everything how do you just be friends?
Drew’s hands found themselves in his pockets as he looked at me with those piercing eyes. The way my body reacted to a simple look killed me. Drew knew his affect but not the extent he affected me. My heart yearned for him in indescribable ways. I’m sad that we may never be able to experience those feelings of love the way that we want to. I guess it’s just life.
Coming off the wall, I offer him a small smile. “Drew—“
“This weird thing happened last night,” he cuts me off like he’s been waiting to tell me this.
I look at him confused. “Really? What’s that?” My ears didn’t want to hear.
He chuckles, contemplating how to tell me. “Well…Julie, for the first time…told me how she feels about me.”
He sounded just as shocked about it as one would expect. It was obvious Julie never expressed herself to him with words. Her actions do a lot of her talking but her actions are sometimes over the top. Now that she was able to put her actions into words this could be a turning point for them. A turning point that I didn’t want to see. I’ll be put on the back burner that’s for sure.
Feeling nervous, I tried to hide my emotions on my face. “Ho-how do you feel about that?” I needed to gauge his response.
His lips curve into a smile but a nervous one. “Confused…” he trails off. “Julie would never do something like that. I mean it was nice to hear but unexpected.”
“I can only imagine,” I say. “It’s a good thing, right? You guys can finally move in a positive direction.”
“Yeah…” he trails before giving me a side-eye. “What did you tell her?”
My cheeks turned shocked he would even realize it was me who encouraged her. “Me? Nothing she was just sad.”
I couldn’t tell him exactly what we talked about it. There was still a code to be had even if Julie suspected something going on between Drew and me. We were still sort of friends and she wanted advice in the moment. It’s not like I could’ve told her what else could be going on with Drew. She’d kill us both if she knew all the details. The main thing is maybe she’ll dial those jealous tendencies back a little. That’s gotta be music to his ears not having to argue every time he so looks at a girl.
Still, Drew didn’t want to accept that answer. Sure Julie letting her feelings be known is great, but neither of us thought about what Drew might think of it. What if he didn’t want Julie to tell him she loved him? As selfish as it may be, Drew’s heart has been split in two as of late. Speaking to Julie seemed to only cause him more harm than good.
Looking distressed, his fingers glide through his shaggy locks putting the pieces together. “Don’t meddle in my relationship Annabelle,” he sounded upset.
That only made me upset. “I wasn’t meddling, I was helping my friend,” I argue.
“Helping her stay with someone you want too?” His face turned sad. “I…I thought you loved me.”
His words and face startled me. “I do love you.” My eyes search his.
“Then why are you just handing me over?” He questioned completely overtaking by his emotions.
“Because you were never mine to begin with!”
The surrounding air got thick as I yelled at him. It was true. Drew was never mine for me to fight over. We had some wonderful moments but if Julie had all this control over him then why would we risk being together? At the end of the day, she had him first. I was nothing more than a side fling. A secret fling that shouldn’t have happened in the first place. We agreed to friendship so we had to try our best to stick to that.
Looking at Drew, he didn’t want to accept it. He’s been playing his cards right and sticking to our deal but he wasn’t handling any of it well. Something he should’ve been happy about he was devastated. This could have been a happy moment but instead, he was moping like a sad puppy. Drew wasn’t one to express his feelings well either but he’s gotten better. At least with me. Maybe he should be taking all this energy and sharing it with Julie. That’s probably why their relationship is how it is now. They don’t communicate and Julie doesn’t demand it.
Sighing, I looked to the ground not sure what he wanted me to do here. “We both know what our relationship was. It’s no secret anymore.”
“Do we know what our relationship was? ‘Cuz it seems to me you’re still confused.” He was not letting this go.
He did stump me though as I don’t see what I was missing. “What am I confused about?” I looked for a little insight.
Drew didn’t want to get into that though, changing topics to avoid arguing. “Point is, how am I supposed to respond to her feelings when mine are all over the place?”
I heard his dilemma and felt bad that I even gave her advice. If she didn’t get the response she wanted I wouldn’t hear the end of it. Not only that, it seems I’m setting Drew up for something he doesn’t even want. Maybe a little meddling was done but I was only doing what I felt was right. They should have been together because they have been since high school. I’m the one that interfered and now Drew was confused.
I walked closer to him rubbing his arm gently. His body immediately tensed up as he froze to look down at me. All I was doing was comforting him because it was all I could do. Inadvertently, I caused this mess and this was the only way to fix it. To let him know it was okay. The fate for Drew and me has been sealed from the get-go. We weren’t meant to be together clearly. What could we possibly do about that?
Without further ado, Drew’s arms engulf me squeezing me tighter into him. I was so shocked that it took me a minute to hug him back. This hug was no different than any other only now our feelings were a lot more clear for one another. Being embraced by him always made me feel at ease. His scent slowly trailed through my nostrils filling my body with comfort. He was everything I couldn’t have. It truly sucked.
Giving me one last squeeze, his hand rested on top of my head with a soft smile. “What would I ever do without you guiding me?” He asked with more glee in his tone.
I laugh feeling more giddy. “You’ll still be the amazing person that you are,” I gushed.
His hands made their way under my chin as he chuckled. “Hmm, I think I’m only amazing when you’re around.” He winked before leaving a slow but quick kiss on my lips.
I bit down afterwards feeling conflicted on the matter. “Drew…we can’t,” I say honestly hoping for more.
“I know, I’m sorry.” He apologized.
I wanted to tell him not to be and kiss me again, but that’ll get us too carried away. Instead, we focused back on shopping and finding the others. Being friends was so hard for us both. Tip-toeing around our feelings was agony. As long as my friends were happy though that’s all that mattered.