Chapter 40 Alone With Thoughts
Lana's POV
I couldn't sleep last night and the fruit stayed down. I looked at my phone as I continued to lay in bed. Arden had been calling and texting me non-stop but I ignored it all. I got up to get ready for the day. What I wanted to do was just watch movies, my siblings would be going to school and I would have some peace and quiet.
As I dried myself in the en suite bathroom, I looked at the termination pills on the vanity cabinet. I took the little bag that it was in and I placed it inside of the drawer. Taking a deep breath, I just forced myself not to think about it.
I got dressed and there was a knock on my bedroom door. "Come in," I called out.
The door opened and it was my dad. "I wanted to let you know that I have gotten you in at university, you will be starting on Monday. You will have a lot to catch up on," he said.
All of a sudden, my world was spinning and I was in darkness.
"Lana," I heard my dad's voice coming in from a distance. I felt like I was being held and shaken lightly. I groaned and then I opened my eyes. I was on the ground, looking up at my dad. He was concerned. "I'm going to take you to the hospital," he said as I sat up.
"No, I just fainted, I guess," I said.
" Something is going on with you. You have been throwing up, being light-headed and you just fainted. Are you pregnant?" he asked me.
"No, I am just under a lot of stress and pressure," I snapped at him as I stood up.
"You need to go and check yourself out at the hospital. I am concerned and you need to eat," he said.
"I will be okay, dad," I replied and he stood up straight. "I have too many things on my shoulders to deal with right now," I said before I walked out of my bedroom.
I was going to start university on Monday, the fear and stress of that is the fact that I'm pregnant. I just need to do what I have to because I do not want to be a disappointment and I do not want to delay things with my life and helping my dad.
I sat in the lounge and I searched through the channels to watch a movie. I hate chick flicks and romance right now because a happy ending does not exist. Well....acccording to me.
After the talk that my mother had with me, that was what I wanted. But at the end of the day, I made my decision to leave Arden. My dad walked down the stairs. "I'm going to the office, call me if you need anything," he said before he left.
I know that I might be a handful at times with him, but this is just me dealing with my sh^t. After the movie, I just went inside my bedroom, and I heard my phone vibrate. Cynthia was calling me. I answered, "Hello."
"Are you at least safe at home?" she asked.
"Yes, I am. Thank you for calling." I replied.
"I miss you already. Sorry that I wasn't there when you left. I thought that you were leaving in the evening," she said.
"My dad got done at the hotel earlier than expected, we didn't wait for anything so we just left," I explained to her.
"You should visit when you get a chance to."
"Maybe I will. I start university on Monday here in Seattle, so that means that I have things to catch up on." I let out a breath.
"You will be great. Oh, speaking about university, professor Moses no longer teaches at NYC Stern. Apparently he was having a s^xual relationship with a student to get extra credit. He was always around you though, perhaps he wanted a piece of you too," she said with a sigh.
She didn't know that the student was me. "I heard about it," I lied.
"Now we are stuck with an old and slow professor, talking about dragging the whole day."
"Well, I don't know what is ahead for me, but I hope for the best," I replied.
"You have been improving though," she said.
"I really just sat with my books and learned a new method and it helped."
"I hope that method was not sleeping with professor Moses," she said.
"No," I lied.
"Well, I miss you and it's lonely here. I miss going out with you." she sighed.
"I miss it too," I replied.
"I have to go study and talk again soon," she said, and then we hung up.
I decided that maybe a swim would be a good thing for me. It was hot outside and anything to keep myself busy. Perhaps I can have a clear mind to think. I changed into my bikini and flip flops. My hair was loose. I still ignored Arden's calls.
I placed my hand on my belly, "What do I do with you?" I said aloud.
I went to the pool. Our dog passed away. He was Weston's best friend, as he used to call Rufus. I sat down on the edge of the pool, just dipping my feet in the water. I watched the blue water and I felt like I could just drown all of my worries in the water and come up with none of them.
It would be like washing away everything that was bad and being a new person, being reborn, but that doesn't wash away the biggest one of it all...a previous life that was so innocent. The lump in my throat formed and I tried to keep it together because I am done trying to be strong, but I have to be. My body feels numb as my emotions come back that I tried to suppress.
When does all of it just go away?