**LUKAS**
Clare seems to be under the impression that I’m more composed than she is right now. I am absolutely not. I can barely think. It’s a miracle I managed to get that last little speech out because holy hell, my brain is not working properly. The only reason I pulled it off was because I’ve been rehearsing it for a while now. Since the first time I kissed her. Maybe even before that. And even now, with all that preparation, I’m struggling. Because Clare is still sitting on my lap.
Her weight is warm and solid against me, the soft fabric of her dressing gown pressing into my forearm where it rests against her waist. She hasn’t moved away. I thought she might rush off after that kiss, sometimes she gets so full of nervous energy that she can’t sit still and starts flitting around the room in a whirlwind of energy. Not to mention I just told her to do whatever she wants to do. But she’s still sitting in my arms, and that’s… A good sign I think. I can still feel her. The ghost of her lips on mine, the way she melted against me when she finally gave in, the way she responded and the absolute relief I felt when she did. I should probably be more collected than this. I’m the one who kissed HER after all. I even planned it out. It’s ridiculous how much of my mind revolves around her. I’ve been trying to get Clare to notice me since the very first time she spoke to me in her mind. Or, at least, the first time she did it on purpose. She woke me up with her thoughts, and sure, it hurt because I had a splitting headache, but that wasn’t the part that mattered. What mattered was that it was the first time anyone had ever done something like that. Not by accident. Not because they had to. She chose to do it. That moment changed everything for me. I barely even knew her then, but I made a decision, right then and there, that I needed to get closer to her. She was still hesitant about my ability, a little frightened, even. But she was so… Accepting. Instead of trying to figure out all the ways to avoid making contact with me, to avoid getting caught up in my magic, Clare did the exact opposite. She started finding ways to incorporate my ability into her life. To understand it. To make the best of it. And, somehow, she did it in a way that didn’t make me feel like she was using me. She encouraged me to use my magic, but appropriately.
She made it okay for me to exist in my own head without feeling like I had to filter myself, like I was some kind of burden or danger to the people around me.
And the last few weeks? Being able to read Clare’s mind so freely, to not just catch the occasional thought but to be able to take the time to understand them, to understand her… It’s been amazing. I’ve never had this kind of freedom before. And the more I get to know her, the more I realise I can use my abilities to help her. To figure out what she wants, what she needs, what she doesn’t know how to ask for. It was easy, too easy, to let her become the center of everything in my mind. That’s why it bothered me so much when she said she had no idea what I was thinking earlier in the car. Because how could she not know? I thought I made it painfully obvious. Honestly, if we didn’t have Solem to deal with, if we didn’t have our families to worry about, I’d still be making excuses to follow her around everywhere. And right now? Right now, I am way too aware of her still sitting in my lap. The warmth of her body pressed against mine. The way her fingers are idly brushing through Princess’s fur, completely unaware of the fact that my entire brain is short circuiting… So, aside from the fact that I am ridiculously satisfied with how completely dazed she is after our kiss, I also appreciate the fact that I get a little bit of time to pull myself together too. I definitely need it.
Eighty three breaths. That’s how long it takes for Clare to speak again. I know because I was counting. She was clearly making an effort to steady her breathing, and somewhere along the way, I started matching mine to hers, counting each inhale, each exhale. One. Two. Three. Eighty-three.
“So… What did you learn?” She finally asks. Her voice is a little quieter than usual. And in her mind? She’s still kind of confused by everything. Actually, she’s actively debating whether or not she should move off my lap. For a second, I brace myself for the inevitable moment she shifts away, because of course she’s going to. But then, she makes her decision. She follows my advice and she does what she wants. And what she wants is to stay. A thrill runs through me, but I force myself to focus on what she’s saying, not just the words floating through her mind.
“At the casino…” I start, trying to drag my thoughts back to the actual important information.
“Right. Well, first, you should know that Vianey, she was onto us. She knows we aren’t who we said we were.” I inform her. Clare freezes.
“Wait, what? But she didn’t-” Clare looks alarmed, her eyes wide behind her glasses.
“She won’t say anything.” I rush to assure her.
“Aside from the fact that she actually DID like you, she hates Solem. A lot.” I explain. Clare frowns.
“She’s working for him, though.” She points out.
“She’s stuck working for him.” I clarify.
“I didn’t catch exactly what her deal is, but she figures that whatever we’re doing is going to cause him trouble, and she doesn’t want to interfere.” I tell her. The amount of hatred that woman has for Solem is quite frankly terrifying. I didn’t catch what kind of supernatural she is, that’s not the kind of thing people actively think about. It would be like thinking ‘I am a human.’ Sure it might occasionally happen, but not often. Clare considers that for a second, then nods slowly, gesturing for me to continue.
“She was… Hoping we’d ruin his plans. Which she then conveniently thought about…” I trail off deliberately, waiting for it to click. It takes half a second. Then Clare’s eyes widen.
“Please tell me you caught that part.” She pleads. I let a small smirk tug at my lips.
“Yep, I did.” I say proudly. She sits up a little straighter, excitement replacing hesitation. Instinctively, I adjust my hold on her waist, keeping her steady.
“Tell me!” She demands. I exhale, letting the weight of the information settle before I speak.
“It definitely wasn’t good.” I admit.
“But it was about what we expected. Solem wants Wren to raise the dead, but specifically, he wants him to do a big ritual. Not just one person. A dozen at a time.” I frown, trying to picture the timid teen doing such powerful magic. I know he probably CAN but he’s so… Withdrawn. It’s hard to picture him as powerful or dangerous. Clare’s expression darkens.
“And that’s not all, apparently, Solem is going around… Arranging the deaths of key people in powerful families.” I scrunch up my face distastefully. Clare’s mouth parts slightly, horror flashing across her face.
“What?” She whispers.
“Vianey is under the impression that he plans to bring them back and then use them to manipulate their families. Like he did with mine.” I force out that last part, but the words sting. Like swallowing something sharp. The pain is still fresh. Clare’s horror shifts, twisting into concern.
“Oh, Lukas…” She murmurs, voice softer now.
“Please tell me he didn’t… I mean, we thought your father’s death was natural…” She trails off, but I already catch her thoughts before she even finishes the sentence. She thinks Solem might have arranged my father’s death, too. I let out a long, heavy sigh.
“I can’t be sure.” I admit.
“But… It seems like Solem hasn’t started the planned assassinations yet. My father was just… A situation he took advantage of. A trial run, of sorts.” My tone is flat. Clare doesn’t respond immediately. But I can hear her thinking. Turning it over in her head, debating whether or not to push me to talk about it more. I must still sound off, because after a moment, she lets out a quiet sigh, then, without hesitation, rests her head against my chest. I stop breathing. My heart stutters. Then, the moment she fully settles, my pulse starts again, still fast, but steadier. I close my eyes for a second, focusing on the warmth of her against me, the way her weight feels so right there. I don’t think I ever want to move from this spot.