I avoid the man; I choose to get up late even though my spirit is awake again. Am I childish? But I feel like I was being sensitive. No matter how my children wake up, it doesn't work for me, especially when they tell me that we all eat together. It's like my stomach turns over whenever I hear those words. But as much as possible, I avoid being with them.
"Mom, wake up! We can't eat together with you; Dad is despondent." Even what kind of remorse they say will not be revealed to me. I ought not to listen to them and just focus on my goal, and that's why I didn't listen to them no matter what they did.
After they left the room, I removed my blanket and opened my eyes. I have been avoiding him for two days. I was going to avoid him as much as possible. I am childish, I know.
Every time they join me, I immediately take out myself or make an alibi with Hiro: no, not today, not this time. I can't express my feelings because I don't know. I wanted to talk to him but recalling how I hit him down there? I was sitting at my bed and messed up my hair.
I swear to myself that I will never stick with him, however it looks like the wall that I've built will be shattered because the door suddenly opens and it's too late for me to hide.
"Got you," he was serious while viewing me. I closed my eyes because I was doomed this time. "Are you avoiding me?" He directly asked when he was taking steps closer and closer to me.
"Of course not," I awkwardly smiled, "why would I Raven? I'm just tired and just woke up." I even yawned to cover my pretense. He shook his head and looked disappointed at me, which made me pay attention even more.
"Don't lie to me, Cbiara; you can to others, but not to me."
I just kept my mouth shut and stood up, pretending to be mad. "So what now, Raven? What if I am avoiding you now, huh? Is that a big deal to you? Do you have to know the reason why?" I spit out to him. I went to the bathroom, but he held my hand before I could enter. That's why I'm completely lost at his touch.
Damn, this man is making me do the hardest things in my life. I'm trying to act normal but how can I when he's like this?
"Of course! I have to know why you have to avoid me when I didn't do anything to you. Why?" The man was gentle with his words. I see how he is trying, but I am hot-headed, and I want to just scold him all the time.
"Shut up!" I furiously glared at him, then marched towards the bathroom and screamed without a sound after I slammed the door. "Fuck him!" I mouthed at the mirror while holding the sink, gasping for air.
I went outside and discovered him there still sitting at his place earlier after finishing my routine. I merely smiled at him, even though it seemed like he was about to kill me with his dark gaze.
"Now tell me you aren't avoiding me." I got dressed in front of him; if he doesn't leave, then I can't do anything.
"I'm not Raven; let's go!" I even pulled him so that I could really stand up to him and say that I was not avoiding him. "What? Why are you like a stump there? Let's go!"
"Okay," his stoic expression spread all over his face, and I didn't know if I was doing anything bad.
It was odd enough that it was just the two of us eating, but we stopped talking as the kids were almost done. I wish I had done something differently so that this isn't how things turned out, but I can't help but accept the consequences.
I ask them, "Are you not going to eat anymore?" trying not to act like I don't want Raven at the table by himself.
Since Hiro appeared to be my kids' speaker, he immediately responded on behalf of the kids. “They're full, Cbiara; maybe their stomachs will hurt.” I wanted to respond that it's okay as long as I'm not with this man, but I'll be a poor mother, so I just accepted being defeated.
Since it's here, there is nothing I can do about it. The man was in front of me, so I just sighed heavily and ate. Besides, I shouldn't give him the impression that I avoided him from the beginning.
He's talking about the pickled meat with condiments and says, "You want this? I cooked it because I know this is one of your favorites." Even though I could deny it, I was sealed and reached for my plate.
"Thanks." The whole area was filled with silence, and I don't know why. Since the kids and Hiro were out, we were speechless and took a secret glance at each other. How dumb.
After we were done, I offered to wash the dishes, and he continued to assist me despite my insistence. I experienced a sensation of lightning coursing through my body each time our fingertips made contact. I have to act like it's not scary, even though I find it funny.
The whole area was filled with our silence, I didn't move even though I could sense that he wanted to talk to me but I made it clear that I didn't notice it. I don't want to think anything else, and besides I don't want the two of us to interact. The shameful scene deviated in my mind. There is a part of me that I want him to pull me to be with him, however I kept on doing my best to stay away from him. Yeah, I know, I'm complicated.
I was wiping the glass when he asked me, I didn't even know the answer to, "Do you want to be my wife?" My world stopped, suddenly the glass I was holding fell because of his question.
How could he ask me that casually?