I've been noticing something about the four men I live with for a few days, but I just ignored it. Red even almost slips, but Hiro manages to cover the baby's mouth. They seemed to be careful not to open it up to me, so I just let it go. As long as it is not illegal, then it would be fine for me.
I'm glad Rayden is fine, and Raven seems to have gotten his heart back, and that's a good sign for me. I always caught Raven taking a glance at me like he had been waiting for me his whole life; I could tell by his eyes were like he was eager to be me his whole life. Or is that just my illusion?
Am I imagining things after he asks me that question?
"Mom, Dad is saying I love you." Rayden and Red giggled as they reported it to me, I pinched their cheeks.
"Babies, it's bad to lie." I told them, but they pursed their lips and looked like they were asking for help from their dad.
"But he always says it at night, just like you." I immediately covered his mouth when I heard that. How could this kid always get me in trouble?
"Okay, stop it. Let's eat." I volunteered to cook because the two were too busy with what they were doing and didn't seem to want to be disturbed, so I didn't even bother.
"Wow! Vegetables." I don't remember anyone being allergic to vegetables except seafood, so that's what I've cooked. I don't know, but since Raven came into our lives, these two were always active in everything, and they ate what they hated before.
"How was it?"
"Good mom," they both gave me their thumbs up. I was glad that slowly they adapted to any of it. It seems that they are gratified whenever their father says good things to them. How cute.
They went back to what they were doing and looked like they were going to leave because they were dressed. I went to them, my forehead knotted and raised my eyebrows.
"Where are you four going?" I was still in awe while looking and asking at them. I narrowed my eyes at them when the kids laughed, "I'm not kidding here, Rayden and Red."
"Mom, it's a boy bonding. Will go ahead now." I was surprised by Rayden's words, so I couldn't help but warm my eyes. What was that? Are they abandoning me? "Bye, Mom," they bid their farewell, but I could barely hear them because the words he said kept going back and forth in my mind.
"Why am I being too emotional these days?" I haven't been eating well for a few days, and I vomit quickly. Maybe what we did once could not bear a baby, so I ignored it.
I just continued cleaning because I felt like I wanted to do something, but then I wasn't allowed, and suddenly I started crying. I don't know why I suddenly became like this and hardly recognize myself anymore. I mean. I shouldn't be like this; everything is just too different for me. I pouted and tried to divert my attention to something, but still it was no use. I also quickly become sensitive to smells. I feel like everyone is just so stinky that I can't take their smell. I also become emotional with words that are only superficial.
I just got ready and decided to go to the garden to clean up. I seem to need to be alone to think clearly so I can't meditate properly. What if I'm pregnant? What would fvcking happen? Raven is not sure, and he didn't tell me anything, so I don't know what to do. I squeal once again.
There's a lot of what-if in my mind, and I don't know what will happen this time. But I remained calm; I can't be swayed by many things right now. I need to progress slowly to confirm everything. But what if I am really pregnant? Raven will leave us, then what? What we had was pure co-parenting; there was no intervening love. I think I'm the only one who still loves him. I don't know, fvck everything is such a mess. Darn it! I cursed myself several times before deciding to water the plants.
"You should be alive," I mumbled to them. "When you wither, my grandma will be sad in Heaven." I added. I don't care if they are calling me a crazy woman.
I was pacing back and forth a few times before I decided to go to the doctor to make sure and to expunge what I was doubting. I can't let go of the child in my womb if ever there is one. If Raven doesn't accept the baby, then it's fine. I accept my child wholeheartedly, and I will never leave my baby. I held my stomach and told the driver to go to the nearby hospital.
I can't wait; I have to get them home before they can. I can't lie in their faces, especially to Raven. They're going to notice if I'm lying or not.
"Faster driver,” I commanded, “and one more thing my children, Hiro and Raven, or even anyone, must not know about this, okay?"
"You can count on me, ma'am," the driver replied and even winked, I nodded my head. If I had to pay him triple, then I would gladly do that; I wouldn't hesitate to do that. Just for him to shut his mouth.
When we arrived at the hospital, my heart was pounding so fast that it seemed like my heart was about to break free from my body. I tried to act normal because I had to confirm my condition, but just like I said, I didn't expect what I expected.
"You're three weeks pregnant, Ms. Ashton. Congratulations," he announced it with a wide smile, while I was dumbfounded. How will I fvcking tell this to everyone?
I was speechless the whole ride; the driver was looking at me, but I couldn't make up my mind. I was glad, but fvck, I was doomed. Everything is fvcking sucky.
"Are you okay, ma'am?" The driver asked, and I shook my head, knowing that I would fvcking slip in my words. I need to slow down.
Just as I arrived and walked towards the door, four men arrived too. I grinned at them because they were still like that, looking like they were doing nothing and shopping, but they were there for a long time. So I started to be suspicious.
"Why is it taking you so long?" I cross my arms at my chest. My eyebrows met as I looked at the four of them. They looked at each other and laughed secretly but it didn't buy me.
"You'll be surprised, best friend, once you know." I narrowed my eyes at him, but he just laughed.
"What is it? Rayden? Red? Raven?"
"Get some rest, Mom; we'll take care of you tomorrow." My two children even winked, and the two men in the back fist bumped.