Raven went to us and hugged us tightly when he came back after two weeks of not being around. He was busy with his business.
The kids are holding Raven's two hands; the left side is Rayden, and the other one is Red. He gazed at me, but I just smiled. They started walking, and Hiro and I, who were behind, walked as well.
"Why are you smiling? Because you'll feel the heaven once again?" I kicked him because he was being green-minded again, but he still didn't stop. "What? I'm telling the truth anyway!"
"Can't I be glad that he's here and fine?"
"No! I'm glad that I found out that he is fine," he said, rolling his eyes and starting to walk. He's always good at walking behind me and blocking my words. God, that man always makes me feel embarrassed and boils my blood. I rolled my eyes because he was really good at hunting me, even if it wasn't true.
They act like a family while talking to each other since he moved ahead of me and left me behind. Being a mother to the children was Hiro's career, and I was relieved that Raven didn't object, unlike some men who detest homosexuals, like his brother Roux.
"Daddy, I bought a lot of toys. We'll play well, right?" The children said, looking so thrilled to see their father that I decided to overlook their reprimand.
"You look worried Raven is tired," Hiro went beside me and commented while we were staring at them, just standing. He leaned closer to me. "Don't worry, he will make you tired tonight." Hiro has the guts to make fun of everything, even in this kind of situation. I kicked him because Raven and the kids might hear and put some malice in their minds. Damn this man; he can't really be trusted and reveals secrets at any time.
"Shut up, Hiro! Whatever else you're accusing me of, your boyfriend just left you." He fell silent as I made fun of him. I wanna stay silent for his peace, yet he pursued me to say it for him to shut his mouth. This time, I laughed so hard that I realized I truly wanted life and that I should focus on something else. All I can say is that I'm relieved that Raven is alright.
His angry expression said, "Just shut up!" so I chose to remain silent. Even though it was he who mistreated me, I chose not to open my mouth once more. I wanted to make fun of him, but instead I just laughed silently.
Speaking of my kids, who have reached this far, their laughter while playing with their father. My heart melted hearing that to them; that just meant one thing. They are comfortable with their dad, and I'm fvcking being emotional right now.
***
"Let's have lunch, guys." I called them because they suddenly got quiet. Hiro and I were in the kitchen, and we prepared our lunch. As I get closer to my kids' room and the door is ajar, "Kids, Raven," I call them, and when I open it, I see the most perfect scenery ever.
Raven was dozing off and was quite exhausted as he stood between Rayden and Red. I looked at them and grinned. They appeared to have just fallen asleep, so I walked to them and just scowled. I gave my kids a quick kiss on the forehead and moved silently there to keep them from waking up.
When I walked to the kitchen after getting off, Hiro filled the utensils and gave me a perplexed look. "Where are the kids and Raven?”
"They're peacefully sleeping; they're even snoring," I reported to him, so he just laughed. "Let's just eat first since I was hungry and I didn't want to disturb the three of them."
"Fine, do I have a choice?" He just returned the other plates while I put out enough food for the two of us.
We eat in silence, but sometimes we talk about something, then eat, and then talk about something again. A simple thing that we always do in life—well, a simple life is more important than having a life that is full of tragedy and even danger.
It's three in the afternoon, and Raven and the kids woke up. I invited them to eat, and I prepared the food at the dining table.
"How about you and Hiro? Did you two eat?" Raven asked.
"Yup, we were hungry that's why we ate first. Just feel eat with the kids." I wanted to watch the children, but I felt awkward, so I just left them with their father.
Rayden used to not want to be close to his father, but now he can hardly be separated from him. And I take them time to bond. I have a lot of questions for Raven, but there's time for that, so I set it aside and let my kids cherish their father.
I fell asleep when I curled up in my room because I didn't have anyone to talk to. When I woke up, Red was staring at me with my eyes wide open. He suddenly hugged me and planted a kiss on my face.
"Hi Mom, I love you!" Red yelled at my face. I groaned and stretched, but he still didn't leave until Rayden disobeyed him.
"Mom is waking up, so get off there." Red followed, so I sat down and loaded them both.
"You two are heavy now," I commented to them. They both giggled and seemed happy that they were getting heavier. "You two will be big boys,"
"Aren't you going to be sad, Mom, if we transform into big boys?" Rayden seriously asked me. Why is he raising inquiries about such things now?
"Why are you asking me like that, baby?"
"Nothing; I just want to know." They pinch my face, so I just laugh. I tilted my head and looked at them carefully. Years from now, these two won't be clingy like this to me, so sometimes I just keep most of the time being with them because I know everything will fade.
"I'll be sad and happy; growing up is part of your journey, Rayden. You two will be like me and Dad in the future; you'll find your loved ones. A lot of things will happen in your life, and you have to embrace it. Just trust God in everything because what happens today, tomorrow, and in the future has a purpose, okay?" I want them to have faith because when the day comes they will be tested by opportunity, and I don't want them to lose their way.
"Yes, Mommy, your words are always in our hearts." I kissed them on the head before going down. "Mommy, it's time for dinner. Daddy's the one who cooks for us!" They even clapped their hands.
"Do you like it when Dad cooks?"
"Yup! Super!" they both answered, and they even giggled like they were excited to taste it once again, and just like them, I miss it too. They both pulled me towards the kitchen.
"Slow kids," I warned them because they were too overwhelmed and their father was here, but they were really nasty and only obeyed my orders once. They are growing up, indeed.
Sometimes I feel jaundiced by Raven, but every time I reminisce about how I deprived him of his right to the children, I feel disgusted with myself. I shouldn't have done that; sometimes I just ask myself. What if I didn't leave and I trusted Raven? Can all this change? Maybe this wouldn't have happened if I had just fought everything, but it was too late because I had to accept the whole truth. It's too late to blame others or myself, things happen according to their fate.
"So delicious." We all ate together today. The children were ecstatic while we shared a meal; it was a special day for us, every day was a miracle whenever we were complete. Hiro, Raven, the kids, and I are together. "We're complete, yay!" They both clapped their hands, and I furrowed my brows.
"Don't talk-" they cut me off before I could complete my sentence.
"When your mouth is full." The two of them said it before and then ate. I kicked Hiro when I heard him giggling. But I must have kicked the wrong person because Raven suddenly looked at me with surprise.
God, can the earth swallow me now? I'm tired of making myself embarrassed in front of him. Every time I was with him I'd get involved like this and how much I hate it.