Raven's Pov.
I'm upset. Right now, I'm furious—not with anyone else, but with myself. How can I overlook her tardiness? I did the math and made sure she would become pregnant before I left, so how could I fvcking miss that? Why didn't I learn about that immediately? That's the missing part—why didn't I realize that Hiro's report was missing something? My children!
I simply waited for her to return to my arms, I wasn't even there while she was craving something. I'm not the one who encourages her, the one who holds her hands when she is delivering the baby. The one who assists her when she's better. How stupid had I been? That time, I fvcking just let her all do it. I was a useless man, I didn't even notice it. How could I have missed that part? I know I will be better as long as she welcomes me again in her arms, even though she doesn't deserve me because I was foolish.
I lick my lips and frustratedly hit my head on my steering wheel. How could I? I'm fvcking an idiot! I cursed myself a lot of times that night; now my kid, Rayden, is distant from me. I never blamed her for not telling me, because even I would have kept my son away from someone who was confused like me. But…didn't she consider my feelings all along? How could she easily trust them but not me?
Though I can't hold it against her, why didn't she inform me sooner? Why? I want to get mad at her but I would hurt her if I yelled at her. And I don't want to give her a hard time.
I could not be upset with her, not even in my mind. I know that I would never injure such a delicate woman as her as I have loved her from the beginning and I swear she is the only one.
Knowing that I wasn't there for her when she needed me most, I silently screamed in my head. She was unable to hold me when she delivered the babies, even though I was her only hope that time. Fuck it! I love her so much.
I made an effort to be decent in practically everything, including how I treated her, but I was still not a good man. I did everything for her, and I never imagined that I would become worthless in the end. I went above and above to provide her with a good existence. Even with my deep inhalation, it was insufficient.
"How could I be a good leader and CEO when I can't be a good father?" I was punching my chest rustler.
***
I did everything in my power to get my child's attention, but he was too powerful and never even looked at me. I'm still not getting his interest no matter what I do. He and I both take a long time to win someone's trust, and when he says he doesn't want something, he means it just like me.
Why will he inherit that behavior from me among others? I was obstinate, easily irritated, easily distracted, and not very good at following through on things. I would fucking crawl to bring him and his mother back to me, though.
"Rayden, what do you want?"
"Go away!" He shouted and ran away from me like he was so scared. I tried everything to win his heart just like Red but he just gave me a treatment that I was like a wind.
When Cbiara witnessed that, she went close to my place. "If you give up-"
I didn't let her finish her words because the word give up isn't in my vocabulary.
"I would never do that; I will always chase him until I win his heart. Damn, I would do anything just to be with him so I won't give up on him. And don't tell me what to do," I muttered, she stayed silent and just shrugged her shoulders. After all, everything is not in my control; whatever my kid wants is what I will follow.
I allowed him to become enraged with me, and I got nasty and condescending remarks from him. It went well; I couldn't embrace him straight away, but I will show him that I will tolerate all of his rage for now. What he feels is valid.
He glared at me angrily and hissed, saying, "You stay away from my mom! Don't take my mom away from us!" How I wish I could tell him that their mother will never be gone with me and I never desire to take Cbiara away from them. Honestly, all I ever wanted and asked for was to be a part of their family, so I hoped he would give it to me.
"I would never take away your mom, Rayden; she won't choose me even if I kneel down. You and Red are her life, so you don't have to worry about it. And…all I just want is to be part of the family. " Whenever I assured him that their mother would not leave them, he just gave me a dark look.
"You're a liar!" He burst out. "You left us! And you already have a family! Get lost!" He was hitting me with his little hands. I want to cry because how could he think of such a thing? My baby shouldn't think this way.
"I'm sorry, baby." I tried to catch his hands, but he just let them slide and avoided me, then left me there alone.
God, what did I do to deserve this kind of treatment?
"He'll learn to understand you in time, Raven." I felt her cold hand on my back. "He just can't accept that you just came, and it's my fault. I wish I had introduced him to you right away. Yet I was afraid of what might happen, so I didn't do it; I was a coward."
"I know what your reasons are; it's fine; you don't have to explain because I know you know my family, and I understand that." I ran my hands over hers. We're not the same as before but I was glad that at least we had this kind of conversation.
I know that someday everything will work out, the day when Rayden embraces me. There's definitely a way to resolve this, so I'll attempt to pursue my son before his mother. Even though he shoved me away, I will always be eager to get his attention even more.
Whenever his mother scolds him for being rude towards me, I always intervene to prevent my kids from believing that I am taking away their mother.
"It's okay, he's just a kid." I smiled softly at him and played with Red.
Red claimed, "Daddy, I want some kites!" and since I'm a father who wants to fulfill what I am missing to them. I gave in to his request right away. In less than an hour, I arrived and brought him two kites, the other one was for Rayden. I could see that Rayden remained expressionless, as if nothing happened, while Red seemed amused at the kites I made. Red's gratitude gave me his beautiful smile, "Thanks, Dad, you're the best!" and sprung up to give me a hug.
I looked across at Rayden. I'll make sure that I'm your favorite Rayden.