"Is that what you really believe? That I can cheat on you?" I rose and glared at him.
“Aren't you a cheater? You know when to break someone's heart, and I've heard you love breaking girls' hearts since then. You love the attention of what you got and when you're done, you dump them!" I spit out, and he looked at me, wondering.
"I do; I love doing it, but when you are the one we're talking about, Cbiara. Darn it!" Suddenly the world stopped spinning. Damn, would you be fvcking soft when it comes to him, Cbiara? "I won't take advantage of you,I will never cheat on you, and if I did, I never came here and showed myself to you. Cbiara Blair, you know me. I told you to trust me but even then…it's fine, it's my fault, blame everything to me but just come back to me.” He was sincere in his words; how expressive and genuine his eyes were, and I was starting to break.
"You are a great liar!" I growled and glared at him trying to ease my feeling. "You're going to make my head spin again! You're good at it, making me fvcking foolish!”
"Is that what I did to you, Cbiara? Damn, I would never be that excited to be with you after work if I was just playing with you." He pointed out, even after how I threw words at him, his voice was still calm, no Cbiara Blair, you won't fvcking fall from his juicy words.
"You're a great actor, just like your father, who's acting like he cares for everyone, but deep inside he despises all of us!" I groaned. He grabbed my wrist, I looked at him carefully and harshly removed his hands. “You can't fool me once more, Raven. No, never!” But his eyes always make me feel like I am weak; whenever he stares at me like that, I feel like I just want to surrender myself to him.
"I never lied to you, I never betrayed you, I never cheated on you, Cbiara! Shouldn't I be mad at you because you took my children away from me? You denied me the right to be with them; look at Rayden. He hated me. But I won't blame you for that, I was just stating the fact that if you listen to me and trust me that time. We will be perfectly fine, everything will be alright." He pauses a bit and I press my lips together. That's true, how cruel am I to do that?
"Is it my fault what I saw? You know what I went through, and it's hard for me to trust a man, especially that you are Roux's brother. So I believe that you could do this to me and the same girl. And…you had a lot of girls, I know your parents hated me, that's why I hid Rayden and Red from you!" I gasp for air to maintain my confidence.
"I never did anything to you; I told you to trust me, but you never did. You believe in that picture.” He licks his lower lip and looks so upset, “damn it! You know what I can do for you. I don't want to be a hero, I just want to be with you. I can fvcking abandon the world for you.”
"Is it my fault now? Am I to blame because I fvcking saw that?" You won't give in from just his words, Cbiara, remember how manipulative they are.
"No! Wait, fvck!" He harshly combed his hair and bit his lower lip. "Let me explain everything, okay?"
"No! You don't have to say anything else because I will never believe you!" I growled at his face and marched out there.
We are like a dog and cat fighting over nonsense, but who could blame me after what happened? I tried to trust him but my guts think otherwise. My heart was pounding so fast and his words echoed in my mind.
How could he tell me those words when he is engaged? Fvck it! And he can't even deny it?
I went to my bed to rest my brain, but I couldn't because what we talked about is where I ended up. I wanted to throw more lines at him, but I couldn't and just chose to shut up.
The next day my face couldn't paint when I saw it in the mirror. It was horrible. I wasn't in my mood when I saw Rayden downstairs reading his books, but Hiro, Red, and Raven were still chit-chatting and playing with Moon, our dog.
Raven's gaze is intense through me, but I'm averting my gaze. I left them there and proceeded to make myself some coffee so I could get back to normal. I'm not sure how long Raven will stay here, and I want to get rid of him so that Raven won't be a cause of conflict between Rayden and me. He didn't want to join them when Raven was there, so Hiro and Red had left him out too often.
I need to talk to the man but I need to chill down first.
***
"Let's talk, Raven," one time when I have the guts to interrupt their thing. He pointed to himself, but I just looked at him.
"What?" I looked behind to make sure they didn't follow us, but I saw how those two sneaked a peek at us. I widened my eyes at them, so they left immediately.
"Leave first,"
"We talk about this." I cut him off because I'm not done yet.
"I am explaining, so don't interrupt me." He zips his mouth and lets me talk first. "Rayden is becoming left out; you are the one to adjust, not him. I don't want him to think that because you are here, he is missing from the family. Remember, you're just hanging out with us." I saw how a glimpse of sadness crossed his eyes but disappeared immediately.
"I know. But I want to make up with him." He was trying to explain his part but I don't want him to vocalize his feelings, maybe because this favors me as well. When he's not here I can do everything properly, it makes me uncomfortable starting the night we argued about us.
"And you are not doing it right. What are you doing? Making him jealous? Do you think it is effective? Learn how to distance before Rayden distances himself to you and to us. I don't know how long he will be like that, but don't stay here too long. Limit yourself, Raven." You have a family waiting for you. I want to add it up but I simply just didn't say anything.
"I don't understand." Confusion was all over his face. I knew he would question my decision but it was for the kids.
"Rayden is a smart kid just like us. He understands and feels swiftly, so I'm just asking you to limit yourself to socializing with us. We won't leave; visit us every day, but with time, you have a company to run Raven. Don't make your world revolve around us.” Before I could continue my word, he scoffed and gave me a wandering look.
"Do you hear yourself, Cbiara? I wasn't there since they were born, and now you want to limit me? For what? Tell me!" I felt a tension between the two of us, which I'm trying to avoid, but I think he takes my words negatively. "I want to be with them; I want to recover, so why are you like that? Why do you seem to deny them to me?"
"I'm not Raven! Look!" I lick my lips frustratedly. "I'm trying to make everything good, okay? I want the four of us to get along!"
"No! You made everything worse; why do I have to avoid and limit myself?” His voice raised, maybe he was just confused and startled by my decision. “They're my kids too Cbiara, not just yours! I get that you want to take this slowly, but...damn! You wouldn't understand me, Cbiara. I'm the one you've been deprived of for a few years!" Our various emotions poured out in our conversation, and he frustratedly messed up his hair while I looked at him hopelessly.
"I want everything in good condition."
"No! You want to take them yours, Cbiara."
"Raven! You know that's not what I want to convey! Let's fvcking understand Rayden and not yours, okay?!" I couldn't hold the grudge I feel inside of me anymore and let go of the word that I should have kept to myself. I violently released a breath after venting it all out.
"Didn't I tell you that I would only leave here if you stayed at my condo?"
"Fvck! I don't know about you!" We only have rage and don't understand one other, so I marched away from them.