Chapter 24: Mommy

“SANDY!”

“Mommy!”

I gasped when she almost tripped while walking towards me. Good thing my Russian friend, Yekatirina held her hand. Sandy continued walking until she reached my arms. I hugged her so tight.

We’re here at Yekatirina’s acting school.

“You almost tripped, baby, be careful next time, okay?” I kissed her nose. “Thanks, Kat,”

“You’re always welcome.” She smiled. “When will you start attending castings again? I miss working with you.”

“Mommy is taking care of me,” wika ni Sandy.

“Sandy… Aunt Kat and mommy are talking. What did I taught you, baby?”

“Sandy not talking when elders are talking.”

“Correct baby, goodjob,” I thumbs up.

She hugged me. “Mommy I want ice cream,” she pointed to the ice cream eaten when a kid passed in front of us.

“Later baby,” I looked back at Yekatirina. “I want to take care of my child, Kat. I don’t want to make her feel incomplete. You already know why, Kat.”

“Jordan!” Napukaw muli ni Sandy ang atensyon namin ni Kat. Tinawag niya kasi iyong isang batang dumaan sa amin. Kaklase niya ‘ata iyon.

Humiwalay sa kamay ng mommy niya iyong batang lalaki na kulot at kulay brown ang buhok. Kulay asul ang mga mata nito at sobrang puti ng kutis.

“Hi Sandy! Why are you here?”

“This is my aunt’s school!” sagot ni Sandy rito.

“Really that’s so cool! Your family must be rich.” The boy’s eyes widened. He suddenly looked at me. “Hey, I think I’ve seen you somewhere,”

I just smiled. Hindi ko alam ang sasabihin.

“Oh my, your name is Millane Crosette, right? If I’m not mistaken?”

“Yes!” si Sandy na ang sumagot. “My mommy is a model!”

“Sandy…” awkward akong ngumiti roon sa babae.

“Wow, can we take a picture? I would be really grateful. I’m a fan. My name is Leah Peters, I’m Jordan’s mom.” Tinuro niya ang anak niya.

“Oh sure, sure,” nginitian ko ito. “But please don’t post it on social medias. It’s for both of I and Sandy’s privacy.”

“Don’t, Mil. She may say yes but she still can post it or ask for money from you to delete it. We hid Sandy for 5 years. What if people find out?” Yekatirina whispered. I looked back at Leah. She smiled at me. She’s waiting for my permission.

“Sure,”

I already told my agency about this. I don’t care anymore. They made me hide my own child and I would never do that again. I’m proud of Sandy so I don’t care anymore what they’ll say about me. They can say what they want to say to me, not to my Sandy. Aakuin ko lahat.

Nakita ko pa ang pagp-protesta sa mga mata ni Kat. Nginitian ko na lamang siya para sabihing okay lang iyon.

“Mommy! Me too! Selfie!” nagpabuhat si Sandy para sumama sa camera. Binuhat ko naman siya. Sabay sabay kaming nagpeace sign sa camera nang mapindot na iyon ni Leah.

“Thank you, Ms. Millane.” Walang pasabi niya akong niyakap. “I’m very grateful. I never knew you had a husband---and a five year old kid…”

Oh ano naman kung may anak ako? May anak ka rin naman. Porket ganoon ang trabaho ko, hindi na ako pwedeng magkaroon ng pamilya?

Pinigilan ko ang bibig ko na sabihin iyon kahit gigil na gigil na akong ilabas iyon. Iniisip ko rin ang mararamdaman ni Sandy kapag sinabi ko sa iba na wala akong asawa. Baka isipin nila na iniwan kami ng lalaking iyon…

Peke ko na lang siyang nginitian.

“Pasalamat ka talaga nagpipigil ako sa ‘yo,” bulong ko. Alam ko namang walang makakaintindi noon kahit si Sandy pa.

Tinuturuan ko siya ng tagalog pero bumabaluktot ang dila niya.

“Sandy let’s play?” Jordan asked Sandy.

Sandy looked at me. Asking for permission.

Hinalikan ko ang nuo niya bago ko siya binaba. Nagtakbuhan agad silang dalawa ni Jordan.

“Sandy be careful!”

“Yes mommy!”

“Millane,” tawag sa akin ni Kat.

“Can you pease take care of my daughter for a bit, Ms. Peters? We’ll be fast, I promise,”

“Sure! Sure!” Ngumiti pa ito sa akin bago sinundan iyong mga bata.

“Why did you do that, Mil?” bulaslas ni Kat sa akin. “Have you told our agency about this?” I couldn’t figure out if she’s nervous or concerned or what.

“Sandy is growing up, I can’t keep her a secret forever.”

She sighed. “You’re right. But the people…”

“I don’t care, Kat,” I answered as I watch Sandy playing with her friend. “I have a life too. We’re human, too. It’s not up to them always…”

-

5 years ago

“So you’re a mom?”

“Y-Yes,” ngumiti ako.

The scout stared at me for a second.

“How old are you?”

“I-I’m twenty year old, ma’am,”

“You’re really beautiful… too bad you already have a child.” She clicked her tongue. “How old is she?” She looked at Sandy in a stroller.

“Five months old,”

She gasped. “W-What?”

I nodded.

“It’s bad for your health, can you do it?” She glanced at me for a bit then she continued looking at Sandy. “How about this little cutie?”

“I’ll handle it well, ma’am,”

It’s been seven months since I last seen my friends and my boyfrie---ex boyfriend. I moved from Mexico to US since there are more opportunities here. I want to try and experience modeling. It’s not too late but I’ll try.

Naghahanap lang ako ng damit isang sikat na clothing store nang makausap ako ni Victoria, isang modeling scout ng isa sa pinaka-kilalang modeling agency sa buong mundo.

Noon ay hindi pa ako makapaniwala. Ibinigay ko sa kanya ang number ko kahit medyo duda ako sa kanya noon. Dahil gusto ko talagang maging modelo at ng pera dahil wala kaming pinagkukuhanan ng pera ngayon, ibinigay ko sa kanya. Sa kabutihang palad, napunta ako sa tamang kamay.

O hindi.

“What’s your name?”

“Hello! My name is Millane Crosette. I lived in Mexico but later on moved here to take care of my child, find a job and pursue modeling. I’m currently twenty year old---”

“Wait, wait, Ms. Crosette. Did you say ‘take care of my child’? Did I heard it right?” The staff said. I don’t know what are they called but I assume he has a big position here.

The modeling agency wants to meet me. Victoria said they want to have a meeting with me and take pictures of me as well.

“Yes, I’m a mother to a six month old kid. You heard it right, sir.”

I was devastated when they told me to hide my own daughter. I don’t know what to do. I have no friends.

Models there even look at me with disgust. Some of them flirts with business men, old creeps to get money. They’re so beautiful, they look perfect. I never imagined that this industry has a lot of dirt.

I feel like an outcast there. I cried several times when I get rejected to castings. At first, I didn’t agree to their career plan that includes hiding my own child but I have no choice because it’s so difficult to find job here. I’m not even an American citizen. There’s a lot of racist. Hurtful words. I accepted it all just to get the job.

I hear comments about my body, my face—my appearance. I want to cry whenever they say things like I’m a ‘skinny’ or ‘asian’ but in a bad way. I wanted to give up.

“Hi,” someone poked me.

I removed my earphones. “Oh hi! My name is Millane Crosette. Nice to meet you!” I offered my hand to the model. She seems very nice.

She’s a blonde who has a medium layered hair, slim figure, small perfect nose, blue almond eyes, full heart lips and a perfect eyebrows. She’s about 5’11 tall while my height is about 5’9 and a half. She looks Russian. Wow, is she even real?

She accepted my hand awkwardly. “Yekatirina Cheköv, I’m new here.”

“Oh, would you like me to show you around?” I asked.

“No! No! It’s fine but thank you. I just wonder if it’s normal for them to…” Tumingin siya sa isang American model na masama ang tingin sa aming dalawa. “Look at us like that…”

Pigil na pigil ang tawa ko sa sinabi niya. Baka mas lalong umusok ang ilong ng modelong iyon. “No! It’s just… maybe… I don’t really know to be honest! But you could say that.”

She smiled. “You’re so beautiful! Where are you from?”

“I’m a Filipina and I lived in Mexico for several months but I later moved in Illinois.”

“Oh! So you’re the Filipina girl they’re talking about? So I’m right! Oh my! They’re right! You look so perfect!”

I blushed. “What? Thanks! You, too!” I smiled.

“Thank you. Again, I want to introduce myself. You’re the only one here who I can talk to so…” She chuckled. “My name is Yekatirina Cheköv but you can call me Kat. They always call me Kat so… yeah. I’m nineteen year old and I live in Moscow but we moved in Florida when my dad got married to another girl here. I should be in college but I dropped out because I want to pursue modeling.” Her Russian accent is so cute.

I found a friend.

“Wow! I never thought you already have a child! Respectfully. This is really unexpected. Why did you agreed to hide this little girly?” She carried Sandy. “She’s indeed your child! She’s so beautiful like you! It’s just so unexpected.”

I chuckled. “It’s fine. They told me the same when they first met me but I don’t find it offensive. But I don’t want to keep her a secret forever. I’ll tell everyone someday.”

“I’ll be there when you do that,”

“Promise me that!”

“I promise girly!” She kissed Sandy’s cheek. “Druzʹya navsegda!” Friends forever!

Everything is fine. We already accepted that some models do act that way and we can’t avoid that even though we don’t really know what their problem was.

Then one day…

“What the actual fuck!” Kat screamed when she saw the email on my laptop. “You got listed! Sana all! When kaya?!”

Ganoon na lang ang lakas ng tawa ko dahil sa baluktot niyang pagtatagalog. Nakakatuwa dahil gusto na niyang matutong mag-Tagalog. Noong nakaraang buwan ay nalaman kong nagka-boyfriend na siya ng isang Filo-American.

“Can you believe it? I got accepted! It’s my first runway show. I’m so excited! I hope I don’t embarrass myself.” I feel shivers. I’m so nervous.

“When?”

“What? What ‘when’?”

“The show? When?!”

“Two weeks.”

“I’m so happy for you bestie!” She hugged me. “I’m so proud of you! You deserve it!”

“I know sooner you’ll have your first runway show! I believe in you, Kat,”

“Yes! Hopefully.” Hinanap agad ng mga mata niya ang anak ko. Nang makita niya ito ay para siyang nakikipag-unahan na kumuha ng premyo sa paglapit dito. “Your mom is rich now, Sandy-baby!”

“No! I’m not! I’m broke!” I defended myself. I barely receive my pay.

“So what do you call me? A dog?” Kat rolled her eyes. “But seriously, you deserve this! The famous singer Clint Woods even follows you! He’s hot and he only has 23 followings! That Canadian! I like his music so much. You’re so lucky. You guys will get along.”

I sighed. “You know I’m not interested in anything serious right now…”

“I know! Maybe we can use him for his popularity---”

“Kat…”

She sighed. “Okay, I know. I know. I’m just saying. You need him. You need more populatity. More popularity, more brands, right?”

“But it’s wrong to use someone, Kat,”

“Yeah, but you can return the favor to him. You don’t have to do anything. Just interact with him. Surely, all eyes are on you.”

One year in modeling industry. I’m proud to say that I’ve been through a lot. I’ve reached one million followers on Instagram when I started following Clint Woods. Several gossips, fake news---they’re even writing things that is impossible. What creeps me the most is when they saw Sandy with me and Clint.

I’m only friends with him. He’s literally a part of LGBTQIA community and he’s not interested on dating someone like me. He already told me that he started talking to me because her sister, the famous model Clementine Woods is friends with me. Clementine mentioned me and said I’m nice.

I did Clementine a favor once when she told me to pretend the girl she’s with in a restaurant. That girl is her girlfriend. She know people will judge so she decided to hide it. I never said she owe me one but Clint told me that she wants him to give me the ‘popularity’ by being the part of his new song’s music video.

It went so fast. Several castings, listings, shows, I accepted it all.

I never expected that I’d be this far.

“Mommy!”

“Holy—” I gasped when Sandy said her first word. “Did you just said ‘mommy’, baby?”

“Mo-mmy!” She smiled cutely.

I covered my mouth in shock. “It’s your first word! Say it again, baby!” Dali-dali kong kinuha ang iPhone ko sa lamesa at vinideohan siya. “Say it again, Sandy!”

“Mommy!”

Muntikan nang mahulog ang cellphone nang pumalakpak ako. Tuwang-tuwa ako noong araw na iyon. Hanggang sa sumagi ulit sa isip ko si West noong mismong gabi na ‘yon. Sila Landrice tapos Ravenne.

Kumusta na kaya sila? Sana, buhay pa sila kagaya ko.

I miss them everyday. I miss you everyday, West.

Okay naman sana ang pagtakbo ng lahat hanggang sa isang nakagigimbal na balita ang nakarating sa akin. Sinabi ni Clint sa isang interview na may relasyong namamagitan sa aming dalawa. Isa kasing epal na reporter ang nagsabing kumpirmado na may dine-date siyang babae.

Iyak nang iyak iyong babae noong nakikiusap siya sa aking magpanggap na girlfriend ni Clint. Isa kasing masamang damo ang kanyang ama na lagi silang pinaghihiwalay.

“Are you serious, Clint? That’s a huge fucking risk!” I couldn’t help but to burst out. “You even brought your girlfriend with you! I can’t say anything! It’s so awkward!”

“I know, Millie! It’s so fast!”

“Fast my fucking ass! You want to risk my career too?” I angrily said. “You know I have a daughter, right? What if they find out? What can I say? You’re the father? I don’t want my daughter to expect something!”

“I can be a father of her if that happens!”

Malakas ko siyang sinampal. “I can’t believe this.”

Present

“Ms. Millane!”

I glanced at Charlotte, my lawyer’s friend. She’s also a model in our agency.

“Qué, Charlotte?”

“Have you seen the news?”

“What? Why?” Bumilis ang tibok ng puso ko nang marinig ko ang salitang news. Iyon lang ang laging nagpapakaba sa akin. Tumingin agad ako sa cellphone niya. “What does it say?”

“There’s an attachment… a picture of you… and…”

“And..? Charlotte, what? You’re making my nervous!” I even laughed despite of the nervousness.

“Your daughter, Ms. Millane.”