Chapter 81 Hangover

Chapter 81 Hangover
A piercing pain wakes me up from my sleep. Wincing, I open my eyes and look at my dimly lit surroundings. I freeze in my place when I see Antonio next to me. Panicking, I look under the blanket, and thankfully, I'm still fully clothed, and so is Antonio. The sight gives me a bit of relief. Well, if both of us are still in our clothes, then nothing probably happened, right?

"You're awake."

In my drowsy state, I shift my gaze and stare at Antonio. Despite still being half-awake, knowing I'm awake too, he forces himself to be fully conscious. With a grunt, he pushes himself up to sit. Still dizzy and sleepy, I can only lie there next to him as he pushes some strands of hair away from my face. The smile on his face doesn't hide the fact that he's still tired. I was probably a mess last night, and he had to deal with whatever I did.

"How are you feeling?" Antonio asks.

Once the question leaves his mouth, another pain pierces through my head. I curl up as another pain hits my stomach and chest as if something pushes my insides upward to my throat. Gripping my chest, I stay there hunched up to Antonio.

"Awful," I say.

I feel like throwing up. Even the smallest movement I make worsens my nausea. The awful feeling doesn't leave my body as I lie there with my eyes closed. Antonio's touch calms me down a bit, but doesn't make the pain and nausea go away.

"There's some water and meds on the nightstand," Antonio says.

"I'll take it later," I say with my eyes closed. Antonio continues to soothe me with his gentle strokes over my head, chuckling a little.

"The faster you take the med, the faster you'll feel better, don't you think?" Antonio asks.

Well, he's right, but now that I'm still kinda nauseous, it'll be a waste of meds if I end up throwing up everything in my stomach later. So, no. I'd rather sleep for a bit more and let the nausea disappear first. If it still won't go away, then I'll take them.

"I know, but I'm too dizzy to get up," I say.

"Alright. We'll wait a few more minutes," Antonio says.

My awareness begins to slip away once again as I focus on Antonio's comforting touch. At the moment, even though my mind's screaming at me that I shouldn't get too comfortable with him, I ignore it and let him do what he's doing. Besides, this will only last for a moment. It won't hurt me to enjoy this for a bit.

"So, can you tell me what was going on last night?" Antonio asks.

"I don't want to talk about it," I say as I bury my face into the pillow.

When I thought everything was going to be all right, Antonio suddenly asked about this. How should I answer him? Telling him the truth is not an option. I can't tell him I'm fucking confused now that I like two men at the same time. Why would I admit that to him?

"Is it because of what I do? Did I do something wrong to you?" Antonio asks.

The first thought that comes to mind is what happened yesterday afternoon. My anxiety attack probably frightened him a bit and made him question things. After all, it's the second time I stopped Antonio from going further with me. It's expected if he's getting suspicious. By now, he probably thinks there's something wrong, and in reality, that's the truth. With Dante always in my mind, and my relationship with Antonio being considered fake, doing anything sexual with Antonio feels strange. It even feels like I'm cheating on Dante despite us not being a couple just yet. But at the same time, I want to do it with Antonio, even though I'm scared of it.

Ugh. I sound like a desperate and greedy whore right now. I might as well just kill myself and leave both of them than choose one of them. But not really, though, I'll definitely choose Dante over Antonio. However, if Antonio turns out to be the good guy, then I'm fucked. Poor Antonio will get his heart broken once I decide to be with Dante instead.

"No. It's not you. You've been more than wonderful. The problem is me. I've been having a lot on my mind lately," I say.

"Then talk to me about it. Please," Antonio says.

"It's nothing important," I say.

"If it's nothing, why did you get yourself drunk knowing very well you have alcohol intolerance?" Antonio says. I stay quiet, unsure of what to tell him.

What will I say to him anyway? That I like Dante and him? That I'm cautious with him because of what his father has been doing? That my family is suspicious of his family? That I never truly wanted to be with him before I started liking him? That I'm just using him for my family's interest? That I'm confused if he's good or bad? All of those would make me sound insane.

"Please. Tell me what's going on. I want to help you. Don't you trust me enough?" Antonio asks. Well, now that we're talking about it, I don't really trust Antonio. With the fog of lack of information, trusting him now will be suicide. Who knows what he'll do with what he gets from me? At worst, anything I say to him will backfire on my family and me. He'd use my words against me.

"To be honest, no. I'm sorry," I say.

"It's fine. I understand," Antonio says.

"Well, honestly, I can't think clearly when I'm around you. Everything just reminds me of my past. I- I'm scared that the past will repeat itself," I say.

It's not the whole truth, but it's true. Whenever I'm with Antonio, without realising it, the thought of past occurrences related to Paolo and others before him always creeps into my mind. What they've done to me, even though I said that they don't really affect me, actually affects me. Those thoughts cause this irrational fear inside of me that Antonio would turn up just like them, despite how good he's been to me all this time. The small part inside of me also still thinks that Antonio hides everything too well by behaving differently from the others. I feel like he would change anytime soon once he's had enough playing with me.

"I know that you're still traumatised from what happened in your past, but let me assure you, I promise I won't do what they did to you. If you want to leave, then you're free to do it. I will never force you to stay," Antonio says. I look up at him, and he's already smiling softly at me.

Is this one of his mind games? I think so. Even if he's genuine about what he's said, I still don't want to trust him yet. It would be dumb and comical if I ended up getting my heart broken in the end because I trusted him too much when he was only playing with me. Until there's more proof, he's guilty until proven innocent.

"I know. I trust you, but no matter how hard I try to forget about them, the thought of them just keeps reappearing in my mind," I say with teary eyes.

When did I start crying? Damn. I guess I'm still under the influence at the moment. Why else would I be this emotional? Gosh. I'm a fucking mess. This is the second time I'm crying in front of Antonio. How embarrassing.

"Then, will you let me replace your bad memories with better ones? One at a time every day?" Antonio asks, wiping the tears away from my cheeks.

"Yes. Of course," I say, sniffling quietly.

Damn. I hate that he has ways with his words. The way he said it sounds so convincing. We'll see how he'll do it. Well, him giving me gifts whenever we go on dates is proof enough that he means what he just said. However, let's see if he'll do something more for it. Let's see the lengths he'll go to convince me that he likes me.

Antonio lies back down with me and pulls me into his embrace. I hug him back. The scent of his musky and woody perfume fills my nose as I bury my face in his neck. I love how comfortable it is being in his arms. All his actions and words are genuinely messing with my mind, in both good and bad ways. If I ended up getting heartbroken, that's my fault for letting Antonio into my heart.

"Do you remember what happened last night?" Antonio asks.

What happened? Oh no. Something bad definitely happened. I can't remember anything after dinner. Well, I vaguely remember Antonio carrying me from the car into the villa, but that's it. There's nothing after that.

"What happened?" I ask, staring at him nervously. Antonio smiles widely, and my cheeks turn hot at all the possibilities that might've happened last night.

What happened? Did I do something stupid? Did I embarrass myself in front of everyone? Like jumping on the table and singing my heart out? Or did I throw up on someone? Or-

"You kissed me a couple of times. Even when I refused it," Antonio chuckles.

That's even worse than I thought. Is he lying? Why would my drunk self do that? That's so fucking humiliating. It makes me look even more desperate for him. But thank goodness I don't say Dante's name as I did that. It'll be 100 times worse than it already is. Antonio will probably start questioning my relationship with Dante right now.

"What?! Oh god. I'm so so sorry," I say.

"It's okay. Some people said when someone's drunk, they're showing their true self, so I'm glad to know you actually like me," Antonio says with a grin. I put my face in the crook of his neck again as embarrassment spreads throughout my whole body. Antonio only laughs and holds me closer.

"That's so embarrassing," I say. I feel like I want to cry. That is so embarrassing. I can't believe I really did that. Now I know that subconsciously, I actually do like Antonio despite all the logical thoughts my brain always spews right at me.

"Don't be," Antonio says, laughing.

"Then stop laughing," I say.

"Okay, okay," Antonio says.

Antonio finally quiets down. I put my head on his chest, and a wave of dizziness hits me once again. I shut my eyes and stay there in his arms, letting the dizziness fade away. I feel his body shake, and then laughter bursts out of him. Whining, I bury my face in his chest again.

"You're laughing again," I say.

"I'm sorry. It's just- you were strong even when you were drunk. You literally pulled me into the bed-"

Mortified about what Antonio's going to say next, I cover his mouth with my hands. What I do is only muffle his laughter, but not stop it. He's definitely never going to live this down. That's it. No more getting drunk in front of him.

"Don't say it," I say.

"Okay. I'll stop," Antonio says through my hands.

Sudden nausea hits me, and I quickly crawl over to the other side of the bed where the bin is. Antonio holds back my hair as I keep throwing up my last night's meal. Everything leaves my stomach, leaving me empty. As if my energy has been sucked dry, I suddenly feel exhausted, even more than when I just woke up.

"You should take the meds now," Antonio says.

"Right," I say. I should take them now unless I want to get sick throughout the rest of our vacation. I look at the bottles, and they're only painkillers and something for the nausea and dizziness. I take one each from the two medication bottles and flush them down with a glass of water.

"You should go back to sleep now. I'll wake you up for breakfast," Antonio says.

"Okay," I say.

I lay back down with my head on Antonio's chest. He drapes the soft blanket over my body and holds me close as I shut my eyes. In Antonio's warm embrace, I let myself fall into the void of unconsciousness.