Chapter 19 The cage
CAITLYN'S POV
Two days later I was sitting in the doctor's office with Collin waiting for my appointment. He had taken time off work to come with me, which should have been sweet, but instead it felt suffocating. He sat next to me holding my hand and smiling at the other pregnant women in the waiting room like we were the perfect couple.
"Mr and Mrs Hayes," the nurse called out and we followed her back to the exam room.
The doctor came in a few minutes later and checked my vitals and measured my stomach. Everything looked good and the baby was growing right on schedule. I felt relieved because at least that was one thing that was going right.
"Do you have any questions?" the doctor asked.
Before I could say anything Collin spoke up. "Actually yes. Caitlyn has been working at a school and I am concerned about whether that is safe for the pregnancy."
The doctor looked at me. "Are you having any complications? Pain or bleeding or excessive fatigue?"
"No," I said. "I feel fine."
"Then there is no medical reason for you to stop working," the doctor said. "As long as you are comfortable and not overdoing it you can continue your normal activities."
I felt a small victory, but when I looked at Collin, I could see he was not happy with that answer.
"But is there any risk?" Collin pressed. "Even a small one?"
"There is always some risk with pregnancy," the doctor said carefully. "But working at a school is not particularly risky unless you are doing heavy lifting or being exposed to illness."
"The kids are healthy," I said quickly. "And I am not doing any heavy lifting."
The doctor nodded. "Then I see no problem with you continuing to work. In fact, staying active and engaged is good for your mental health during pregnancy."
Collin did not say anything else but I could feel the tension radiating off him. We finished the appointment and got back in the car. The drive home was silent and I knew he was angry even though he was not saying it.
"The doctor said it was fine," I finally said.
"The doctor said there was still risk," Collin replied coldly.
"The doctor said there is always risk," I corrected. "That does not mean I should stop doing everything."
"I want you to quit teaching," Collin said and his voice had that tone that meant he was not going to argue about it anymore. "This is not up for discussion, Caitlyn. Your job is to focus on this family now."
"That is not fair," I said and felt tears starting to form. "Teaching is important to me."
"And this baby is important to me," he said. "You need to get your priorities straight."
We got home and I went straight to my room. I was so angry I could barely see straight. Who did Collin think he was telling me I had to quit my job? I was not his property. I was a person with my own life and my own choices.
But even as I thought that, I knew it was not really true; I did belong to Collin in a way. I was his wife, and I was trapped in his house, and he controlled everything about my life. The job was the only thing I had left that was mine, and now he was taking that away, too.
Over the next few days, Collin kept bringing it up. At breakfast, he would talk about how I needed to focus on preparing for the baby. At dinner, he would mention how tired I looked and suggest that work was too stressful. He never directly ordered me to quit but the pressure was constant.
"You could volunteer at the church instead," he suggested one night. "Something less demanding that does not require you to be around sick children all day."
"The children are not sick," I said for the hundredth time.
"You know what I mean," he said. "Just think about it Caitlyn, for me and our family."
I wanted to scream that this was not about family. This was about him wanting to control me but I just nodded and said I would think about it because arguing was exhausting and never got me anywhere.
Then I started noticing other things. Small things that made me realize just how much Collin was watching me. One day, I mentioned going to lunch with Rachel, and he asked what time and where we were going. When I got home he asked detailed questions about what we talked about.
Another time I told him I was going to the bookstore, and when I got there, I saw one of his drivers parked across the street. The same driver followed me to the grocery store the next day.
"Why is your driver following me?" I asked Collin that night.
"I told you I was worried about your safety," he said like it was perfectly normal. "He is just making sure you are okay."
"That is called stalking," I said.
"That is called protection," he corrected. "You should be grateful that I care enough to make sure nothing happens to you."
I checked my phone and discovered that he had installed some kind of tracking app on it. When I confronted him about it he did not even deny it.
"I need to know where you are," he said simply. "What if something happens? What if you get in an accident or go into early labor? I need to be able to find you."
"You could just call me," I pointed out.
"This is easier," he said. "And safer, I do not understand why you are making such a big deal about this."
Because it felt like I was being watched every second of every day. Because I could not go anywhere or do anything without him knowing about it. Because I felt like I was living in a cage even though the cage was a beautiful house with everything I could possibly need.
Rachel called me one afternoon and I almost did not answer because I knew Collin would ask about it later. But I needed to talk to someone who was not part of this nightmare so I picked up.
"Hey," I said and tried to sound normal.
"Hey yourself," Rachel said. "I feel like I never see you anymore. You are always busy or tired or something."
"I know," I said. "I am sorry, being pregnant is more exhausting than I thought."
"Are you okay?" Rachel asked and I could hear the concern in her voice. "You sound different."
"I am fine," I lied. "Just adjusting to married life and pregnancy and everything."
"Collin is treating you well right?" she asked. "Because you can tell me if something is wrong."
I wanted to tell her about how Collin was controlling and watching me constantly, how I felt trapped and alone, and the baby not being his, and all the lies I was living with, but I could not say any of that.
"He is great," I said. "Really. I am just tired."
We talked for a few more minutes but I could tell Rachel did not believe me. When we hung up I felt even more alone than before because now I could not even talk to my best friend without lying.