Chapter 20 Lifeline
CAITLYN'S POV
I waited until Collin left for work before I pulled out the old cell phone I had hidden in the back of my closet. It was my phone from before we got married and I had kept it charged just in case. Collin did not know about it and that made it the only private thing I had left.
My hands were shaking as I turned it on and waited for it to boot up. I needed to talk to Rachel without Collin listening or tracking the call. I needed to talk to someone real about what was happening even if I could not tell her everything.
I sat on the bathroom floor and dialed Rachel's number. She answered on the third ring.
"Hello?" she said and sounded confused because she did not recognize the number.
"Rachel, it's me," I said quietly.
"Caitlyn? Whose phone are you calling from?" She asked.
"My old one," I said. "I needed to talk to you without Collin knowing."
There was silence on the other end for a second. "Why would Collin care if you called me?"
I took a deep breath. "He tracks my phone. He knows everyone I call and where I go, I just needed some privacy for once."
"Wait what?" Rachel said and I could hear the concern in her voice. "He tracks your phone? Caitlyn that is not normal."
"I know," I whispered. "Nothing about my life is normal anymore."
"What is going on?" Rachel asked. "And please do not tell me everything is fine because I know it is not. I have been worried about you for weeks."
I wanted to tell her everything but I did not even know where to start. How could I explain that I was trapped in a marriage to a man who controlled everything I did? How could I tell her about the baby not being his? How could I make her understand without putting her in danger too?
"The marriage is not what I expected," I finally said. "Collin is different from what I thought he was."
"Different how?" Rachel pressed.
"He is very controlling," I said, and felt tears starting to form. "He wants me to quit my job. He has people following me, he monitors everything I do. I feel like I cannot breathe."
"Oh my god Caitlyn," Rachel said. "You need to leave. This is not healthy."
"I cannot leave," I said. "I am pregnant. Where would I even go?"
"You could come stay with me," Rachel offered immediately. "Or go to your parents. Anywhere is better than staying with someone who treats you like that."
I shook my head even though she could not see me. "It is not that simple. You do not understand."
"Then help me understand," Rachel said. "Because from where I am sitting it sounds like you are in a really bad situation and you need help."
"I just need to get through the pregnancy," I said. "Then maybe things will get better."
"Things do not just get better on their own," Rachel said gently. "Especially with men like that. They only get worse."
I knew she was right but I could not admit it out loud. Admitting it would make it real and I was not ready to deal with how real it was.
"I know you are worried," I said. "But I am okay. I just needed to vent for a minute."
"You are not okay," Rachel said firmly. "And I am not going to pretend like you are. Caitlyn, you are my best friend, and I love you. Please let me help you."
"You cannot help me," I said and felt the tears spilling over. "Nobody can help me. I made my choices and now I have to live with them."
"What choices?" Rachel asked. "Getting married? That does not mean you have to stay married to someone who treats you badly."
I wanted to tell her about Jason and the baby and everything else but I could not. It was too dangerous; if Collin found out I had told anyone the truth, he would do something terrible. I knew he would.
"I have to go," I said. "Collin will be home soon and I need to hide this phone."
"Caitlyn wait," Rachel said. "Promise me you will call me if you need anything. Even if it is the middle of the night, I will come get you no matter what."
"I promise," I said even though I knew I probably would not call her.
"I mean it," Rachel said. "You do not have to go through this alone."
But I was alone. That was the truth of it. I was completely and totally alone in this mess I had created.
"I know," I said. "Thank you for listening."
"I love you," Rachel said.
"I love you too," I replied, and hung up before I started crying too hard to talk.
I sat on the bathroom floor holding the phone and letting myself cry. It felt good to finally admit to someone that things were not okay. Even if I could not tell her everything at least I had said some of it out loud. At least someone knew I was not happy.
After a few minutes, I pulled myself together and washed my face. I hid the phone back in the closet under some old sweaters where Collin would never look. Then I went downstairs and tried to act normal.
Mrs Chen was in the kitchen preparing lunch. She looked at me, and I could tell she noticed I had been crying, but she did not say anything. She never said anything about the things she saw in this house.
"Are you hungry Mrs Hayes?" she asked.
"Not really," I said. "Maybe just some tea."
She nodded and started making tea. I sat at the kitchen table and watched her work. I wondered if she knew what kind of man Collin really was. She had worked here for five years, so she must have seen things, but she never talked about it, and I never asked.
"Mrs Chen," I said quietly. "Do you like working here?"
She paused and looked at me with surprise. "It is a good job, Mrs Hayes. Mr Hayes pays well."
"But do you like it?" I asked again.
She was quiet for a long moment. "I do my job and I do not ask questions. That is the best way to survive in this house."
The way she said survive made my stomach hurt. This was not a place where people lived. It was a place where people survived and I was just starting to realize that.
She brought me the tea and left the kitchen quickly. I sat there drinking it and thinking about everything Rachel had said. She was right that things were not going to get better on their own. They were only going to get worse as Collin tightened his control over me.
But what could I do? I was pregnant and married and trapped in a house that felt more like a prison every day. Even if I wanted to leave where would I go? My
Parents would just tell me to work it out with my husband. They had no idea what he was really like.