KABANATA 52

Madison’s POV.

Russel stopped the car in front of the university and then turned to me with a smile on his face. I unconsciously let out a deep sigh as I looked outside the window. Many students are already running around to catch up on their respective classes. I felt Russel put his hand on my thigh, so I turned to face him smoothly. His gaze is now steady and serious.

“What’s the matter, honey? Anlalim naman ata ng buntong hininga mo,” he asked with mixed concern on the tone of his speech. Russel’s eyes search mine, trying to find the truth I kept on hiding from him for the past few weeks.

I thought that as long as I kept silent from the threats I received every day from his mother, I would get used to it. But now I realize that as time passes by, I can no longer cope up with the threat messages she keeps on sending to me. Every single night, I cannot help not to have a mental breakdown inside the bathroom near the hamper.

“I-I am fine, baby. Madami lang kasi siguro akong iniisip sa scho- “ Russel did not let me finish what I was supposed to say when he suddenly stopped me from speaking.

“Magdadahilan ka na naman ba sa akin, Madison?” he said with dead seriousness. My legs threatened to buckle when the tone of his voice catches me off guard.

“What?”

“Akala mo ba ay hindi ko alam na gabi-gabi ay umiiyak ka ng mag-isa sa loob ng banyo? Akala mo ba hindi ko napapansin iyang pagiging matamlay mo? Ano ba kasing problema? Naiinip na ako sa paghihintay na ikaw mismo yung magkusang magsabi ng problema mo sa akin. I patiently waited for you to come over and share what’s bothering you, but you still kept it all by yourself,” he said. There is an earnest seriousness in the tone of his voice. My tongue suddenly grew so thick to formulate a verbal answer. I was not able to give him an immediate respond since I was not expecting a sudden confrontation.

“If ever you were carrying burdens on your shoulders right now, you should allow me to carry half of its weights because I am your other half, Madi. Huwag mong sosolohin lahat lalo na at alam mong nandito naman ako. Iyan yung naging malaking pagkukulang ko kay Giselle noon. Hindi ko nagawang bitbitin yung kalahati sa mga responsibilidad at obligasyon na ipinatong sa kanya ng pamilya ko. Once is enough and I don’t want that to happen again,” saad niya sa akin. Bakas ko sa mga mata niya na determinado siyang malaman kung ano man yung itinatago ko sa kanya. Pero paano ko sasabihin sa kanya yung problema ko kung ang problema ay wala iba kundi ang kanyang pamilya?

"Alam kong gustong gusto mo lang akong tulungan, Russel. Pero hayaan mo muna akong hanapan ng solusyon yung mga problema ko ng mag-isa. Kapag pakiramdam ko ay hindi ko na kaya... sisiguraduhin kong hihingi ako ng tulong sayo," mahinang paliwanag ko sa kanya.

His mouth cocks to the side as he crossed his arms. He drew a deep breath like he wants to say more but he just let his protest to drift away on the breeze of wind instead. I am glad that even though I declined his offer to help me, he still chose not to get ahead of his emotions. He is still polite and a very understanding person. I could not agree no more.

"Ngayong lang, mahal ko. Hayaan mo lang muna akong solohin ito hangga't sa kaya ko. I have been into multiple silent battles within myself for the past years already. Kung nagawa kong malagpasan yung madudugong digmaan na hinarap ko ng mag-isa noon, sigurado akong malalagpasan ko rin ito ngayon," dagdag ko pa habang seryosong nakatitig sa malalim na mga mata ng lalaking pinakamamahal ko.

"I understand that you just want to be independent in handling your own burdens, Madi. Nirerespeto ko yung desisyon mo pero gaya ng sabi ko sa’yo, hindi ka na mag-isa ngayon. We are each other's half, baby. A military captain can never win a war without his troops. Kaya kung haharap ka man sa kahit na anong digmaan mula ngayon, huwag mong kakalimutan na isama ako. Hahawakan ko ng mahigpit yung kamay mo hanggang sa matapos natin ng sabay yung laban mo. I may not be the best sidekick you will ever have, but at least I am trying," aniya. Hindi ko alam pero tumagos hanggang sa ilalim ng aking mga buto yung bawat salitang binigkas niya sa akin.

Si Russel ay isang napakalalim na tao. Siya yung klase ng tao na punong-puno ng words of wisdom at hindi ka mauubusan ng aral na pwede mong matutunan mula sa kanya. Lahat ng salitang lalabas mula sa bibig niya ay alam mong hinugot pa niya mismo sa kanyang puso at garantisadong lahat iyon ay totoo.

"I... I don't think if I can ever unloved you again, Russel. Mahal, palagi mong tatandaan na hinding hindi kayang tumbasan ng kahit na anong salapi o kayamanan yung pagmamahal ko para sa’yo,” I said as tears rolled down and flooded my eyes.

“I know, honey. Palagi mo ring tatandaan na ikaw na yung pinakamagandang tala na nasungkit ko mula sa kalawakan. Wala na akong balak na pakawalan pa yung nag-iisang tala na nagbigay ng kulay sa madilim kong mundo. Your smile is actually the most perfect artwork for me. Every single time I see you smile, my heart skipped a beat, my stomach backflips and I can’t even take my eyes off you. I am willing to make million ways just to see you smile, sweetheart. Magmula noong maging tayo, ipinangako ko agad sa sarili ko na hindi ako gagawa ng bagay na magpapaiyak sa’yo. Nasabi ko sa sarili ko na, ‘itong babaeng ‘to, pinaiyak na ito ng madaming beses ng mundo, kaya wala akong ibang gagawin kundi tumbasan ng mga ngiti yung bawat mga luhang ipinaluha sayo noon,’” he said then he leaned over and squeezed my hand, with a sympathetic smile on his face.

Hindi nagsisinungaling si Russel noong sabihin niya na wala siyang ibang gagawin kundi tumbasan ng mga ngiti yung mga luha ko noon. Sa ilang buwan na pagsasama namin ay talagang pinatunayan niya yung pagmamahal niya para sa akin. Everything would have been perfect except that he came from a very wealthy family who doesn’t want me to be with him. No matter how much he reciprocates the sadness in my heart with joy, but if his family is still against our relationship, all his efforts will be in vain.

******

“I will see you tonight, sweetie. Let's watch the show that we weren't able to watch before,” Russel said as he opened the door for me. He gave me a silly grin on his face. I cleared my throat and he leaned forward like he knows exactly what I am thinking.

“S-sure… Have a great day ahead, baby,” nautal na saad ko tapos ay tumingkayad ako sabay hinalikan siya sa kanyang pisnge.

I was just few steps away when I already left Russel at the parking lot and I noticed that some students had been staring at me for a long time after seeing Russel drove me to school this morning. I shook my head, chose to ignore their stares and shrugged my shoulders as I entered the university. My heart skipped a beat when I heard the whispers of the female students in front of me.

“Girl, namamalikmata ba ako? Si Russel Silverio ba yung nakita natin sa parking lot kanina?” Nadinig kong pagtatanong ng isang babae sa dalawang kasama niya.

“Hindi ka namamalikmata, girl. Iyon nga si Russel, ang nag-iisang tagapagmana ng Silverio’s Silver Corps. Ex-husband siya ng anak na babae ng mayor ng siyudad na ito,” sagot ng kasama niya.

“Absolutely! Siya din nga yung binansagang ‘the young Leonardo da Vinci’ ng France. Fine arts students tayo. Kaya sinong hindi makakakilala sa kanya?” sabat pa ng isang kasama nila.

“Eh teka, kung hiwalay na siya… ibig bang sabihin ba ay girlfriend niya yung babaeng nasa likod natin ngayon?” Napalunok ako at pakiramdam ko ay huminto yung pag-ikot ng aking mundo noong madinig ko na sa akin bigla nabaling yung kanilang usapan.

“I guess so. Hindi naman niya ihahatid iyan gamit yung mamahaling sasakyan niya kung wala silang relasyon,” sagot naman ng kasama niya. Umiling-iling na lamang ako sabay huminga ng malalim para iwaglit sa isipan ko yung aking mga nadinig.

“Oh fuck! Nakita niyo na ba yung bagong post sa facebook page ng university?!” sigaw ng isa niyang kasama na halatang gulat na gulat habang nakatutok ito sa screen ng telepono at hinahampas yung mga kaibigan niya.

“Post? What do you mean?”

“Tignan niyo. Bilis! Malaking issue ‘to!” utos niya na mukhang aligaga at hindi makapaghintay na malaman ng kanyang mga kaibigan yung malaking balita.

I was surprised after hearing the phones of the students around me rang one by one, a sign that they had received a notification in the said Facebook post. I heard more whispers when other students stared at me sharply. I just frowned as my eyebrows met because I didn’t have any idea on what is going on.

“Yuck. Pokpok!” malakas na sabi ng babaeng nasa harapan ko noong lingunin niya ako sabay umirap siya sa akin. Naglakad ng mabilis papalayo mula sa akin yung tatlong mga babae na animo ay pinandidirihan nila ako.

“MADISON! MADISON!” Nabaling yung atensyon ko kay Gabbie na kumakaripas ng takbo palapit sa direksyon ko. Si Gabbie ay malapit na kaibigan ko at kaklase ko rin sa Arts and Appreciation subject.

“G-gab? Why are you in such a hurry?” pag-aalalang tanong ko noong tuluyan na siyang makalapit sa akin. Her chest heaved in and out and her breath clouded the air in front of her face.

“H-have you seen the post?” pagtatanong niya habang magkasalubong ang kanyang mga kilay.

“Post? Hindi pa. Bakit?” I asked her in a puzzled facial expression.

“Go and check it. The post is all about you!” sigaw niya. Awtomatikong kumunot yung noo ko dahil sa pagtataka kung papaanong naging tungkol sakin yung post na pinagkakaguluhan ngayon ng mga estudyante.