KABANATA 51

Russel’s POV.

After I left the restaurant, I immediately sent a text message to Madison that I will go and see her in front of the Basilica hospital. She pays a visit to her tiya Lany, whose daughter is currently confine at the hospital while seeking for medical assistance. Tiya Lany is almost like a second parent to the girl I love. Now that she is having a hard time, I know Madison has been worried sick about her. I wanted to do everything just to comfort Madison, so that she doesn’t feel alone.

I was just strolling around the hospital lobby for a few minutes when I the elevator clicked open and I saw her inside. When our eyes met, my lips lit up with delight while looking at her approaching to me.

"Hey, baby. What's up? Nagkausap ba kayo ng maayos ng tiya mo?" I asked her. My eyes widen when Madison suddenly jumped off herself into my arms. I didn’t back off from that hug because I know that she somehow needs it. I wrapped my arms around her waist as I slightly lift her above me. When I got a close look on her face, I noticed that her eyes become puffy and red.

"Umiyak ka ba? Bakit namumugto iyang mga mata mo? What happen, baby?" I asked her as I drew my brows together in concern.

These past few weeks I have noticed that Madison was not on her usual happy state. Ilang linggo ko na ding napapansin yung pagiging matamlay niya sa buong maghapon, lalo na at kung pareho lamang kaming nakatambay sa bahay sa tuwing wala siyang pasok sa school. Ni wala na rin siyang ganang kumain hindi katulad dati. Noon ay kahit na anong pagkain na ihinanda ko sa kanya ay nauubos niya. Ngayon ay madalas na siyang walang ganang kumain at tila ba malayo ang iniisip sa tuwing magkasama kami. May mga iilang gabi din na nadidinig ko siyang umiiyak sa loob ng banyo ng mag-isa.

Sa tuwing tatanungin ko naman kung anong problema ay gagawa lamang siya ng palusot at magsisinungaling sa akin. Kaya naisip ko na hayaan ko na lang siya na solohin muna yung problema niya at hintayin yung oras na siya na yung magkukusang ibahagi ito sa akin.

"Wala lang 'to, mahal. Ano kasi... nagkaiyakan kami kanina ni tiya Lany kaya namugto yung mga mata ko ng sobra," sagot niya sa akin. I leaned forward and carefully wiped the tears on her crimson cheeks.

"So, how was her daughter? Is her daughter, okay?" pagtatanong ko sa kanya noong iangat ko ang kanyang mukha at iharap ito sa akin.

She shrugged her shoulders then shook her head. “Her daughter’s situation is hopeless. Naaawa ako kay tiya, Russel. Si Irene na nga lang yung mayroon siya ay mukhang babawiin pa sa kanya,” she said to me sadly. I reached over to tuck the hair behind her ear and looked into her eyes with sincerity.

“Madi, gustuhin man natin o hindi, alam nating ipinahiram lamang sa atin ng Diyos yung mga mahal natin sa buhay. Darating at darating talaga yung panahon na babawiin sila sa atin dahil hindi sa habang buhay ay makakasama natin sila,” pagpapaliwanag ko sa kanya.

“Honey, that is the sad reality of life. Everything is temporary. But you know what? Hindi man natin sila habambuhay na makakasama, ang importante ay napuno nila ng masasayang mga alaala at pagmamahal yung puso at isipan natin,” dagdag ko pang sabi tapos ay marahang pinisil ko ang kanyang baba.

“Katulad natin?” pagtatanong niya. Hindi ko siya agad na nasagot. Bakas ko sa mga mata niya yung epekto ng mga nasabi ko. Huminga ako ng malalim bago uli nagsalita. “Oo. Katulad natin,” sagot ko sa kanya sabay bahagyang ngumiti.

“Then what is the point of all of this, Russel? Bibigyan tayo ng Diyos ng mga taong magmamahal sa atin, tapos sa huli ay babawiin lang din niya? Para lang niya tayong pinasaya ng kaunti, tapos ay paiiyakin din pala sa huli,” saad ni Madison. Everything she said was right and on point.

“That is what defines life, sweetheart. Life is full on uncertainties, trial and errors, sweetness and bitterness along the way. That is what makes life beautiful. Ika nga nila, ‘we sometimes need to experience the rain, for us to appreciate sunny days.’ Just like in life, we sometimes need to go through painful death of our loved ones, for us to more appreciate life. We sometimes need to be in the dark, for us to see the light,” I answered.

******

I asked Madison to have a walk with me around the playground near the hospital. Napansin kong mas naging malungkot siya mula noong bisitahin niya yung tiya Lany niya sa ospital. Habang naglalakad kami ay tila ba ay nasa kabilang kalawakan na yung isipan niya. Noong abutin ko yung kanang kamay niya upang hawakan ito ay saka lamang siya naibalik sa kanyang ulirat at lumingon upang tignan ako.

“Malulunod na ata ako ah? Mukhang singlalim kasi ng karagatan iyang iniisip mo ngayon. Wala ka bang balak na sabihin sa akin yung kung anuman iyang bumabagabang sa’yo?” seryosong saad ko sa kanya.

“Wala. Binabalikan ko lang yung alaala ko noong unang gabing nakilala ko si tiya Lany,” she answered. We sat down on a park bench beside each other.

“Tell me in details. I wanted to know how you met her,” I said as I widen my arms to wrap her underneath my embrace.

“Nagsimula ang lahat noong matanggal sa trabaho si papa sa kumpanyang pinagserbisyuhan niya ng halos labinganim na taon ng buhay niya. Matapos iyon ay nalaman namin na dinapuan pala ng malubhang sakit si mama at dahil sa kakulangang pinansyal ay hindi namin siya nagawang ipagamot ng tuloy-tuloy,” mahinang pagkukuwento niya habang nakayuko. Hindi ako nagsalita bagkus ay hinayaan ko lamang na unti-unti niyang buksan sa akin yung iilang mga kabanata sa buhay niya na matagal niyang isinarado at itiniklop mula sa mundo.

“Namaalam si mama when I was just nineteen years old. My dad started to blame himself right after my mom’s death. Iniisip niyang kasalanan niya ang lahat dahil kung hindi lamang siya tinaggal sa trabaho noon ay magagawa pa sana naming maipagamot ang mama ko. Huminto na din ako sa pag-aaral ng senior high school dahil hindi na niya magawang matustusan yung pag-aaral ko. He got depressed and soon after that he… he c-committed suicide.” My eyes widen in disbelieve when I heard about her father’s story.

“S-suicide?” pag-uulit kong tanong dahil nais kong masiguradong hindi ako nagkamali sa aking nadinig. Madison managed to give me a curt nod as her respond.

“Hindi ko makakalimutan yung gabing umuwi ako ng bahay at nakita ko na lamang na nakabitin ng wala ng buhay sa kisame yung… yung k-katawan ni… ni…” Napansin ko na hindi magawang ituloy ni Madison yung dapat sana ay sasabihin niya.

Marahil ay noong masaksihan ng kanyang mga mata yung pagpapakamatay ng kanyang ama ay nagsilbi itong malaking sugat sa alaala niya. Agad kong hinawakan ang kanyang kamay at naramdaman ko ang sobrang panlalamig ng kanyang mga palad.

“It’s okay, sweetheart. Huwag mo ng ituloy kung hindi mo kayang ikwento. I am very sorry to hear that. Y-you don’t deserve that kind of pain,” mahinang bulong ko sa kanyang tenga noong yakapin ko siya ng mahigpit sa bisig ko.

Naramdaman ko yung mabilis na pagpintig ng puso niya. Napansin ko din yung paputol putol niyang paghinga na animo ay nahihirapang makahinga dahil sa masakit na insedenteng pilit niyang binubuksan para sa akin. I sucked in a great lungful of air as I run my fingers through her hair and wiped the tears on her crimson cheeks. She withdrew herself from my arms and her tantalizing eyes looked up to meet my gaze.

“I’m fine, babe. Actually, I almost also did what my father did to himself two years ago.” Nang madinig ko sa kanya iyon ay awtomatikong napakunot yung noo ko.

“Wait. What?” I lifted a brow.

“I also tried to kill myself before, Russel. I was only an inch away to death when tiya Lany found and saved me. I was about to jump off the bridge but luckily, she came and rescued me. Tiya Lany is not just a special person to me, Russel. She is my lifesaver. She became my second life. Kaya pakiramdam ko ay mamatay ako sa sobrang sakit sa tuwing makikita ko siyang umiiyak at nahihirapan,” pagkukuwentong saad niya sa akin.

“I told you, Russel. I am a broken piece. My whole life is ugly and sad,” she added but I immediately shook my head to disagree. Madison has a lot of sad stories to tell but I’d rather not unfold them any further if that would make her uncomfortable.

“You know what, baby? I am going to share something with you tonight. There is this kind of Japanese art in Japan that is called Kintsugi. It is an art used to mend broken pieces of objects using gold or silver epoxy. The Japanese people believe that when something has suffered severe damage and has history, it becomes more beautiful, and they also believe that there is beauty in imperfection.” giit ko tapos ay hinaplos ko yung magkabila niyang mga pisnge sabay tumitig ng seryoso sa kanyang mapupugay na mga mata.

“If I would describe you, you are like a broken piece of artwork for me, Madi. Although you got broken multiple times already, I could say that every piece of you is still beautiful. Your brokenness is what makes you remarkable and unforgettable. I want you to remember that not all scars will make you ugly, sweetheart. Sometimes… scars are what make you beautiful and unique. So, your life isn’t ugly as to the way you think it is.” Noong madinig niya ang mga salitang iyon mula sa akin ay nakita ko yung unti-unting pag-agos ng kanyang mga luha mula sa gilid ng kanyang mga mata. I leaned forward to give her a kiss on her forehead.

“I love you despite of all your flaws and imperfections. I love you with all your broken pieces, sweetheart,” I said.