Kabanata 8: Kamandag

"What are you doing?"

Bahagya akong napalingon ngunit napanguso nang maramdaman ko ang ang dahan dahan niyang pagsakop sa aking baywang mula sa likuran. He gently caressed my exposed swelling stomach. He put his chin on my left shoulder. Hindi ko maiwasang mapangiti habang nakatingin sa repleksyon namin sa malaking salamin.

"Ang laki na..." Mahina niyang anas. Pinigilan ko ang sarili kong mapaiyak nang makita ang adorasyon sa mga mata nito habang nakatingin rin as repleksyon namin sa salamin.

"You're now in your 28th weeks, babe. Two weeks more and they'll be finally out from your tummy. Are you... excited? Because I am. I am very excited to see the four of them." The excitement in his voice is so visible. And seriously speaking, I feel really... warm. Him, acting like this is what makes me fall for him even more and I don't even know how to stop this. I don't know. Because everytime that I try to, mas lalo lang akong nahuhulog sa lalaki.

Sino ba naman kasi ang hindi mahuhulog dito? He's caring and a gentleman. Sobrang bait niya talaga e, at kahit ni isang beses ay hindi ko ito nakitaan ng kahit na akong mali. I always visualize him as someone really perfect. Pero alam ko namang walang perpekto sa mundo, at gaya ko, I know that he has flaws too... That, I will gladly accept with all my heart.

Kasi bakit hindi? Nagawa niya nga akong tanggapin e. Tapos... he's even treating my kids as his. Hindi pa man lumalabas ay ramdam na ramdam ko na ang pagmamahal at pag-aalaga niya sa mga ito.

I sometimes feel guilty. Really. Hindi naman 'yon maiiwasan e. He's a good man. He's not perfect but he's the best man that every woman wished to have. Minsan, naiisip kong sana ay... Sana ay siya nalang ang nakabuntis sa akin para wala na akong iisipin ngayon. Para... para libre kong masabi na akin siya.

And it saddened me even more. Kasi alam kong wala akong kapit sa kaniya, wala akong hawak sa kaniya at mas lalong hindi siya akin.

Nanghihinayang ako e. Pero... pero hindi ako nagsisisi na nabuo ang apat na bulinggit sa loob ko.

"Are you really... sure about this, Luke?" I whispered. I finally had the courage to ask him and I know that it took me almost two months to ask him about... all this kind acts he is making.

I don't even know if I can consider his treatment for me a boss-employee relationship when in fact, ako 'yong pinagsisilbihan niya sa araw araw imbes na ako ang gumawa nun as kaniya. Kasi di ba? I'm now he's personal assistant too?

Minsan, hindi ko talaga maiwasang makita sa mga pinapakita niya e. And because, I am afraid to know his answers, I didn't bother asking. I just go where the flow will take me. And I don't know if it's a good thing or a bad thing.

Humigpit ang pagkakayakap sa akin ng lalaki, but it wasn't that tight na talagang naiipit na ang tiyan ko. Sapat na ang higpit nun para maramdaman ko ang init ng kaniyang katawan.

"What do you mean by that, babe?" he answered. Napayuko ako at napanguso.

"I want to sit. Sakit na ng paa ko." I heard him chuckled at that poor hindi ito nagsalita. Inalalayan naman ako nito papunta sa gilid ng kama. Pinaupo niya ako doon at kaagad naman siyang pumwesto sa bandang likuran ko.

"Lean on me, babe, para hindi ka mangalay..." he softly said. I only hummed as a response before doing what he told me to. "And kindly explain what you just said a while ago." he added. I pouted before sighing.

"Tanong ko lang naman kung... kung sigurado ka na ba sa ginagawa mo?" nguso ko pa.

He snaked his arms around me. I felt him kissed the top of my head before sighing.

"I don't understand, babe." He told me which confused me even more. So, nag-gagaguhan ba kami dito?! I pinched his arm pero mukhang wala itong epekto sa kaniya so I curled the hair on his arm before pulling it harshly. I heard him groaned and I know that he was really in pain.

"Baby, damn. That hurts." mahina nitong saad bago hinaplos ang braso kung saan ko binunot ang kaunting balahibo niya roon. I pouted and felt guilty immediately.

"Ayusin mo nga sagot mo kasi! Iyan tuloy!" Inagaw ko ang kaliwang braso nito at ako na mismo ang humaplos non.

"I am at fault, huh? I was the one who's hurt, baby." Kahit hindi ko tingnan ang lalaki ay alam kong nakanguso ito ngayon. But his voice, I know it. He's teasing me.

"Kasalanan mo kasi nga! Ayusin mo kaso sagot mo!"

"Maayos naman answer ko eh. I don't understand your question and that's the truth..." he pointed out. Binitawan ko ang braso nito at padabog na sumandal sa kaniyang dibdib. Nagmamaktol na pinag-krus ko ang aking mga braso. I stared at the white ceiling.

"What I mean is these! Itong lahat ng ginagawa mo. Hindi ko alam kung bakit nandito ka ngayon sa bahay ko at pinagsisilbihan ako kahit na I should be the one to do it for you kasi nga PA mo pa rin ako! Tapos, tinatawag mo pa akong babe... samantalang hindi naman... hindi naman tayo mag-jowa..." I whispered the last words. I played with my fingers nervously.

"Babe." He held my hands. "I'm sorry if I confused you. I'm sorry if you think that I was too fast. I'm sorry if you think that I'm taking advantage on my position. I'm sorry if this frustrates you, but baby, I'm not good with words. That's why I'm showing what I truly feel for you through my actions. But, I guess, it wasn't enough. So, don't worry. I will fill you with my words, starting from now."

Napakurap ako ng ilang beses bago bumuntong-hininga. I still have so many unanswered questions. And what he answered didn't really satisfied that.

"It's impossible for you to... fall in love with me the first time we met, Luke. It's impossible for you to immediately catch feelings for me when I first walked in inside your office."

Because that's the truth. Imposible naman kasing na in love na kaagad siya sa akin sa unang kita pa lang. Alam kong mala-diyosa ang ganda ko pero...

Grabe na talaga siguro ang kamandag ko at nabingwit ko pa ang isang Lukariah Zaugustus Estopia Mosheyev.