Chapter Fourteen

He stared at the ceiling. Alas singko na ng madaling araw pero kanina na siya gising. It wasn’t because of a nightmare o hapdi ng mga sugat niya but he was excited. He was excited dahil alam niyang ang araw na ‘yon ay napaka-ispesyal sa kanya, o sa kanila ni Hardin. It was their one month being lover. Naalala niya ang bilin ng huli noong umalis siya, anito magdiwang daw sila.

Nangilid ang ilang butil ng luha niya. It was tears of joy. Sa kabila nang lahat ng masasakit na naranasan niya sa huli ay nakaramdam siya ng saya. But it wasn’t the end, like those in the movie, happy ending, his life is tragic and he expected more bitter day in his life. Like how he was ignored, binugbog, rejected, at iba pang pisikal, emosyonal, at mental na pang-aabuso. And still he didn’t give up. Kieran protected his love for Hardin. Gano’n din ang huli. Hardin was proud of having Kieran at kung ‘di dahil sa gusto ni Kieran na itago ang relasyon nila ay malamang si Hardin ang unang mag-anunsyo niyon sa publiko.

One thing that confused Kieran, iyon ay wala siyang na-received na message from Hardin. Hindi siya sanay na biglang naputol ang komunikasyon niya kay Hardin. Ipinagtataka talaga niya na hindi man lang nag-text si Hardin and even his Facebook and Line account are offline.

Isang bahagi ng utak niya ang biglang nagbibigay ng konklusyon, that since Hardin was aware of Mr. Pornthip’s presence and hate for Kieran ay hindi nito naisipang tawagan o imensahe siya. He remembered the day na binugbog siya ng daddy niya at no’ng hapon nang araw na ‘yon ay biglang bumait si Mr. Pornthip sa kanya.

He can’t believe it. Sana hindi ‘yon pagkukunwari. Hopefully, his dad accepts him and his relationship with Hardin. Sana totoo ang ipinakita ni Mr. Pornthip. Pero hindi niya maiwasang isipin kung saan nagpunta ang daddy niya noong araw na pagkatapos siya nitong bugbugin. Umuuwi itong naging mabait. Naging isang malaking tandang pananong ‘yon kay Kieran.

Bumangon siya at agad tinungo ang study table kung saan niya iniwan ang cellphone niya kagabi. Huminga siya nang malalim bago nagawang tawagin ang numero ni Hardin. Cannot be reached ‘yon. Bakit kaya? Limang minuto ang pinalipas niya bago muling tawagin ang numero nito and the same thing happened again, it was cannot be reached. Something happens, or did Hardin just prepare something for him? Baka nga susurpresahin siya nito sa araw na ‘yon. Hardin is romantic at hindi malayong gagawin nito ‘yon.

Ayaw na niyang maging negatibo lalo na’t ang existence niya ay negatibo para sa ibang tao na publiko o pribadong hilingin na bakit hindi na lang siya mawala. Ibinaba niya ang cellphone niya. He needs to fix himself. Kailangan ay charming siya sa araw na ‘yon.

Pero paano siya lalabas kung makikita siya ng daddy niya? ayaw muna niyang isipin ‘yon. Hindi ba’t mabait na sa kanya ang daddy niya? Maghahabi na lamang siya ng kasinungalingan mamaya. Pumasok na siya sa loob ng banyo at nagliligo. Mabilis ang kanyang pagliligo. Kailangan niyang magmadali para agad makuha ang sagot sa sa mga iniisip niya. Lumabas na siya ng banyo at kaagad naghahanap ng susuutin. He wears shorts and an oversize T-shirt na kinahihiligan niya at sneakers ang sapatos niya. Guwapo naman siya kahit ano ang susuutin niya. He grabbed the paper bag na ang laman ay chocolates and sweets para kay Hardin iyon.

Malas! bulong niya sa sarili nang makita ang daddy niya na nasa sala. Wala na siyang magawa nang makita rin siya nito. Ngumingiti si Mr. Pornthip.

“Khun ja pai nai?” (Where are you going?) tanong nito at ibinaba ang cellphone na hawak nito.

“Sa labas po Daddy.”

“Hmmm, take care.” He smiled.

He heard it right? It was his first time na marinig yon sa kanyang daddy. It swooned his heart. It drained all his disappointments away. Ang sarap niyon sa kanyang pandinig, like a sweet tune. Malaki ang naging ngiti niya. “Thanks, Dad.”

Mr. Pornthip nodded in response. Kieran excuses himself and went out. He heave a sigh of relief, and he wants to scream with joy but his voice remains in his chest. Pangiti-ngiti pa siya habang naghihintay ng taxi. ‘Yon pala ang feeling once your dad shows concern.

He suddenly thought about Pharm and Ayne. The two didn’t even send him a message too. Ano’ng nangyari? O baka kasabwat ang dalawa sa surpresang gagawin ni Hardin? Ayon kung mayro’n man. May surprise man o wala ay masaya siya at muli niyang makita ito. Two days lang naman na hindi niya ito nakita at nakausap but he feels that he badly misses Hardin. Every day Kieran going to be in love with Hardin. He won’t stop loving Hardin no matter what.

Paano siya masasawang mamahalin ang lalaking handang gawin ang lahat. The man who is willing to give up everything even his happiness, dahil wala itong ibang iniisip kundi ang kasiyahan niya. Hardin loved Kieran and protect him at the same time. There will no lie between them as they slept together or coldness when they hugged each other. Their loved is genuine. A love forbid by other people who don’t fully understand them.

Why is love forbidden when the intentions are good? Their love seeks good. Pero sakit minsan ang natanggap niya o nila. He promised himself that he won’t stop loving Hardin. That’s a promise. It’s still him even though the world is uncertain. He is willing to gives up everything, money, precious blood, and happiness just to be with Hardin. His love is eternal. It’s still Hardin, and no one can replace the placed of Hardin in his heart.

Be mine, Pee, and I’m yours let’s kept falling at each other. We were meant to be, I won’t stop loving you. It’s a promise.

He let out a sigh nang huminto ang sinasakyang taxi. He was in front of the house where he, Hardin, Ayne, and Pharm lived. Where the combination of love, passion, and lust happened in a king-size bed. Bumilis ang tahip ng kanyang dibdib habang lumabas ng taxi. Dalawang araw lamang siyang nawala roon at parang estranghero na ang lugar sa kanya. It feels strange and unfriendly.

The gate closed. He has the key naman kaya kaagad siyang pumasok. The door locked kaya gagamitin niya ang key niya. It was Saturday at walang klase sa araw na ‘yon. Kaya nasaan sina Ayne, Pharm, and even Hardin? Sa tingin niya ay walang tao sa loob. Naghari ang katahimikan sa lugar na ‘yon.

Nang nasa loob na siya ay napansin niyang walang kalat. Maayos at tila mahabang panahon na walang nakatira roon. Bakit kaya? Nasaan ba sila? sumisiksik ang iba’t-ibang katanungan sa kanyang isipan.

He went upstairs. When he opened the door sa silid nila ni Hardin ay nagliliwanag ang iba’t-ibang kulay ng ilaw. Ang iba’t-ibang kulay ng ilaw ay tila mga paruparo na sumasayaw sa parang. He cried again, it was tears of joy. What a surprise for him. The room was well designed. There was lettering lying in bed. Happy one month in love, baby.

Napaka-romantic. Inilibot niya ang kanyang tingin. Lihim niyang hinanap kung nasaan si Hardin. There was a big box and a small one. He opened first the small one. Necklace ang laman niyon with a star pendant.

It’ll lead you home when you are lost. Just have faith in yourself.

‘Yon ang nakasulat and Kieran kissed the pendant. Muli niyang ibinalik ‘yon sa loob ng maliit na kahon. He opened the big box, libro ang laman niyon. Pride and Prejudice, Call me by your Name, It Ends with Us, All Your Perfects, A gentle reminder, and Start with why. He loved all the books. Hardin was romantic indeed. Pero nasaan ito? Bakit hindi pa ito lumabas sa kinatataguan nito.

Now, Kieran was here and saw the romantic surprises. Pero bakit hindi pa ito nagpakita sa kanya. Nag-alala siya. He lay in the bed dahil bumigat ang talukap ng kanyang mga mata. Gusto niya pagdating nito ay gigisingin siya nito, and Hardin will carry him.

Nang gumising siya ay wala pa rin si, Hardin. He been waiting in vain, and Hardin still didn’t show up. Why? he checked his wristwatch, pasado alas singko na pala. Dumating siya roon kanina ng alas nuwebe. He shook his head. He stood up para lumabas at hanapin si Hardin sa ibaba.

He stopped when he noticed a white paper inserted inside the book Call me by your name. Kinuha niya ‘yon. Liham iyon, sulat kamay ni Hardin. Nanginginig ang mga kamay niya na hawakan ‘yon. Kieran read...

Dear Kieran,

I love you! It was supposed to be the happiest day of our entire life. To separate our ways from now on, which is the thing that doesn’t make me sad. It’s you, and your presence that makes me cry the whole day. It’s the feeling that missing you for the rest of my life. Who knows if we are meant to separate so that we could find each other again? We will find each other back again, no matter where our feet bring us. I will treasure you always. But I have to give up. It’s not the love that I give up, it’s the opportunity to be with you for six years. And, when I come back everything will be fine. We will happy to be together again. We will hold each other hands or kiss each other in the public without thrusting our relationship into the shadow, and out of the public eyes again. The last time I stayed in the house where our love begins I didn’t wait for you to come. How sad, but even if you come, I will push you away even my heart wants you to bring you closer. It makes me sad with the thought that I’m walking away while you’re not around, it makes me sad walking away while you weren’t behind me. But surely, I’ll be happy once I come back and have you again. Who else I can love? Nothing, only you, Kieran. You’re my life.

I love you, Kieran, My love.

Take care always.

I’ll be seeing you.

Kieran squeezed the paper in his trembled hands. He dropped it on the floor and what follows was the tears that flooded his eyes and his shrieking.