Chapter Twelve

Masayang nagmamaneho pauwi si Hardin. Hindi niya kasama sina Ayne at Pharm may pupuntahan ang mga ito. It seems that something is going between on the two. Bakit niya ba ‘yon iniisip? He shook his head and grinned. He was curious about them since the first day. Pasado alas-sais na ng gabi.

He wonders why Keiran doesn’t even call or send him a message like he usually did. Alam niyang hindi siya matiis ni Kieran. Pero sa hapong iyon ni isang message ay wala siyang natanggap. Isang malaking tandang pananong ang yumakap sa kanya.

He stopped the car in front of Bangmot Pies. Bumili siya ng dessert for Kieran. The lady at the counter winked at him. She’s beautiful. She had slender eyebrows and glossy skin. Her halo-white teeth and an enticing smile lit up the area. He takes his eyes off to her.

“Taô rài?” (How much?)

“Three hundred Baht,” she said in a soothing voice. Is it her normal voice, or just part of her ‘kaartehan’?

“Here.” Ibinigay niya ang pera sa babae.

“Thanks. Want to ask my Line ID?” she seems bold. Well she is, she can lure any man. She seems good in bed as well.

“Sorry. I’m in a relationship.”

“Oh, she’s lucky then. That woman is lucky, whoever she is. You’re kind and I feel it in my bones, and gentle enough to make your girl want to come home and stay,” she pointed out.

“She’s not a she. He’s a he.” Hardin stated. Wala na siyang paki-alam kung magkomento ito ng masama. He’s proud of having Kieran as a lover.

“Arai na krhub?” What? usisa nito. She rephrased it again. “He’s a He? So, he’s a guy?”

Tumango siya bilang tugon sa tanong nito. Alam niyang walang mali sa relasyon nila ni Kieran. The thing he wants to broadcast worldwide is people shouldn’t judge them because of their sexual orientation or what’s between their legs, bagkus ay dapat pansinin ng mga tao ang kanilang pagmamahal, pagmamahal na pilit itinago dahil sa takot sa mapanghusgang lipunan at takot sa pamilya nila. Dapat pansinin ng tao kung gaano sila katatag sa kabila ng mga negatibong humila sa kanila paibaba, ngunit manatili nilang mahalin ang isa’t-isa, magtiis, at lumaban, hindi ba’t mas mabuting punain ang moral sa pakikibaka na patatagin ang isang relasyon, relasyon man ng babae sa lalaki, lalaki sa lalaki, o babae sa babae.

“Man to man. Handsome to handsome. There’s nothing wrong with that. Love is love.” She blurted.

“Thanks.”

She smiled and give him what he has ordered. “Here. Go home he was waiting for his gentle and handsome husband.”

Hindi niya mapigilan ang tumawa. “I got to go now.”

Ngumiti ito. “Thanks, come back soon.”

“Chai khrub.”

Hardin heaved a sigh of relief when he reached home. He wonders if Keiran is inside or not, the door opened. When he stepped into the living room the clock chimed six in the evening. Bakit kaya hindi naisipan ni Kieran isara ang pinto kung nasa loob man ito? Or is he in the yard? Sa bakuran at pool kasi ang paboritong place ni Kieran sa bahay na ‘yon.

Hardin went upstairs. Hindi niya kaagad nakita si Kieran dahil hindi bukas ang ilaw. Kahit sa labas ay dumilim na. Masama ang panahon alam niyang sa ilang sandali ay bubuhos ang ulan. Inilapag niya ang dala niya sa circle table. He switched the light on. Tumambad sa kanya si Keiran na nakahiga sa kama. Nakatalikod ito sa kanya.

He smiled. Nagkukunwari ba itong tulog? Well, Hardin is home now and he wants to cuddle with Kieran. Is he sleeping? Hindi na niya iniisip ‘yon at naghubad na siya. Dumiretso siya sa loob ng banyo. Nagligo siya. If Kieran is not sleeping bakit hindi ito bumangon? Ayaw ba nitong umuwi siya? Ayaw ba nitong kausapin siya? Napailing siya at mabilis tinapos ang pagliligo.

Pagkatapos ng kinse minutos ay lumabas na siya ng banyo na walang suot kahit underwear man lang. Gano’n pa rin ang posisyon ni Kieran. What was wrong with him? He was not even moving. Mahimbing siguro ang tulog nito. Mabilis siyang nagbihis at pinatuyo ang buhok gamit ang blower. He went outside the room and went downstairs. Dumiretso siya sa kusina at binuksan ang fridge. Kumuha siya ng beer in a can. Binuksan niya ang lata at lagukin ang beer.

He went upstairs again and lay beside Kieran. Niyakap niya ito mula sa likuran nito. Hardin could hear his breathing. He placed his palm on Kieran’s chest and Hardin feels Kieran’s normal heartbeat. “I love you.” He whispered and kissed Kieran’s hair. Huminga ito nang malalim at doon niya napagtantong hindi ito tulog. Iyon na nga ang iniisip niya kanina na nagkukunwari lamang ito. But for Kieran, silence is another word for pain. So there’s something wrong with him. Magsalita na sana siya nang nagsalita si Kieran.

“Para sa’yo if you’re in the same-sex relationship—”

“Why ‘if?” gulat na mabilis niyang tanong.

“You have the freedom to date someone. Or shall I say you’re dating someone today? She fits all the criteria of being beautiful and more than that she’s lady.” He paused for breath. “So, sino ba naman ako para alalahanin noh?” malungkot ang tono ni Kieran.

“Wait, I don’t understand. What do you mean?” naguguluhang usal niya.

So what’s the point of telling Hardin that he went to the restaurant, and he saw him with that beautiful lady? They’re dating. But is Kieran have another option to keep the emotional pain? Why he asked Hardin if Hardin himself knew that today he did something that stabbed Kieran?

“Don’t tell me you see me together with—”

He burst into crying. He cried and broke in lament. He can’t take it anymore. He was emotionally and mentally hurt. There Hardin hugging him from behind but Kieran feels Hardin is a stranger to him. This house, this room, began to fill lies, those cabinets and closet began to lock, and it was only Hardin had the key. What another lie Hardin would bear and only stabbed Kieran badly.

“Please...” Pinahid niya ang basang pisngi nito gamit ang palad niya habang niyakap niya ito mula sa likuran. Hindi niya alam na pumunta pala roon si Kieran at nakita siya nito. “Sorry, but you misunderstood us.” Hinigpitan niya ang yakap niya. “She was Zen, my friend, my relatives from the Philippines. You misunderstood the gestures. The Filipino guy is sweet. They’re gentle, Hardin is gentle and tender.” He kissed Kieran’s cheek.

Sapat na ba ‘yon para maniwala si Kieran? Hardin eyes were full of sincerity naman. Pero tila ayaw ni Kieran ang humarap sa kanya.

“Pasensiya,” Kieran mumbled.

“It’s okay. Mahal mo ako natural na reaksiyon ‘yon, Kieran.” He caresses Kieran’s face at nang may nakapa siya, malamig na likido. He raised his finger at nakita niya ang dugo roon. What’s wrong with Kieran’s face? Hardin began to feel scared and concerned. May sugat ba si Kieran sa mukha? Kung mayro’n ay ano ang dahilan?

Bumangon siya at pumunta sa bahagi ng kama kung saan nakaharap si Kieran. Nakapikit ang huli. Hardin’s throat constricted. Nagsimulang naglandas ang ilang butil ng mga luha niya. Durog siya para sa kalagayan ni Kieran. What the f*ck is wrong with Kieran’s face? May mga pasa ang mukha nito. Kieran got black-eyed. What the f*ck is wrong with those people who did that to Kieran?

Hardin cried while embracing Kieran and kissing his forehead. He said ‘sorry’ for hundred times while hugging Kieran. He couldn’t imagine how his beloved Kieran endure the pain, the madness of a fist that punches Kieran in the face. “I’m so sorry, Kieran. I couldn’t protect you.” He cried.

“Do I deserve to be beaten up? Does God allow them to hurt me or it was just their worldly behavior? They said God doesn’t accept me.” You could feel through his voice the agony that tortured his innocent mind and heart.

Inaalayan niya itong makabangon saka pinahid niya ang basang pisngi nito. “I will bring you to the emergency now.”

“No, Hardin, please.” Kieran cried.

"Don’t be stubborn, please.” He kissed Kieran’s forehead.“Ang sama ng lagay mo, ah.”

“Pretty bad.”

“Tell me, Kieran, who did this to you. I’ll sue whoever the f*ck is,” galit na hiyaw niya.

Niyakap siya nito at ginantihan niya ang yakap nito at hinaplos niya ang likuran nito. Tahimik itong umiiyak sa balikat niya. Mahal na mahal niya si Kieran at kung sino mang gumagawa niyon kay Kieran ay magbabayad ang mga ito. Pero paano kung hindi ‘yon sasabihin ni Kieran? Alam niyang ayaw nito ang gulo pero gagawin niya ang lahat maghiganti lamang.

Kahit anong pilit niya na dalhin niya ito sa emergency ay tumanggi pa rin ito. Nilinis na lang niya ang mga sugat nito. Pagkatapos niyang linisin ang mga sugat nito ay binuhat niya si Kieran at lumabas ng silid. Maingat ang pagbaba niya ng hagdan at dumiretso sa kusina.

Ipagluto niya ito ng noodles, pagkaing paborito nito. Alam niyang hindi pa ito kumain. Now, he serving Kieran while he kept blaming himself that he couldn’t protect Kieran. Ipadama niya na ispesyal ito sa kanya. Hardin wanted Kieran to feel that he was safe and loved in his arms.

From now on Hardin promised himself that he will protect Kieran at all costs even to the point that he gives up his life for Kieran’s sake. Noong una pa man ay wala siyang ibang ninanais kundi ang kasiyahan ni Kieran. Three days left at mag-isang buwan na sila as lovers. Gusto niya itong i-surpresa dahil nga ispesyal ito sa kanya. At kung ano pa ang darating sa mga sumusunod na araw ay wala siyang ideya.

Who knows if it would make them happy, or if they will stare at each other with tears in their eyes? Who knows if one day circumstances separate them for their good? Who knows what the world has to offer them? At kung paghiwalayan man sila ng panahon ay hindi pa alam ni Hardin ang maaring gawin niya.

A question struck his mind: Are they going to explore more places holding each other hands and spend life for better or worse, or one of them will leave the house broken and miserable forever? wounded in heart, and have no chance to fix the broken heart. May tomorrow bring happiness not bitter feelings, or circumstances that put a wall between them so they can’t able to see or hear each other again.