Chapter 27 - Jack

The house was empty. Jack had never considered it empty before, not even after Hunter had left for the final time.

Jack crossed the threshold and looked at his living room. Isaac’s cradle occupied the space in front of the couch, still and empty. A few clean spit-up rags were folded neatly on the side table, waiting to be used. If Jack let himself pretend, it was easy to believe that Craig and Isaac were both upstairs in the guest bedroom. But thoughts like that were toxic. The longer Jack fooled himself, the longer he’d suffer.

Craig was gone. Isaac was gone. He doubted he’d see either of them again.

Feeling melancholy, Jack climbed the stairs. He intended to change into his pajamas and spend the rest of the day sulking, but when he stepped through the door of his room, he stopped in his tracks. The bed was unmade. The smell of Craig clung to the sheets and lingered in the air. Jack rushed in, grabbed his pajamas, then retreated into the bathroom. He cast his clothes into the sink, sank down on the toilet, and set his head in his hands.

He knew that falling for a straight man was a terrible idea, but it wasn’t supposed to hurt like this. Craig returned his affections. They’d made a life together in the month they’d had. Now everything had gone up in smoke and Jack was left scrambling to put out the fire.

Was this what he wanted? Not only a partner, but a family? He’d been on his own for so long that it was strange to think he was a part of something bigger.

Jack shook his head and stood up, determined to change and then laze around on the couch, when he saw Craig’s toothbrush sitting in its cup. The bottom of Jack’s stomach fell out. Staying home wasn’t going to work. Until he could pull himself together, he needed to get out of the house and away from his memories of Craig.

So Jack did the only thing he could think to do. He went to Lane’s.

There was no answer at Lane’s door, so Jack tried the door to Lane’s studio. It was open so he let himself in. Lane was in the process of remodeling the other half of his duplex to set it up for songwriting and recording, but it looked like he wasn’t focused on construction today. Jack heard the sound of Lane’s piano instead.

Jack made his way to the piano room and opened the door. Lane’s back was to the door. He sat on the bench, humming, as his fingers felt out the keys.

“Hey,” Jack said.

Lane jumped. He toppled over the bench and landed roughly on his ass. Then, realizing what happened, he laughed with relief and fell back on the floor. Lane looked up at Jack. “You scared me.”

“No, really?” Jack laughed. He entered the room and leaned against the wall by the door. “What’re you up to?”

“I woke up with a song in my head and I was trying to get it out,” Lane explained. He made no move to pick himself up. “But now I’m on the floor. It’s kind of nice down here. I think I’m going to stay here until my heart decides to move from my throat back into my chest.”

Jack grinned. “Sorry.”

“No, no. It’s fine. I consider this payback for all the times I’ve wandered into your place unannounced over the years.”

“You think you could use some company?” Jack asked. “I don’t care if you want to keep playing. I can sit here in silence. I just don’t want to be alone right now.”

Lane’s lips twitched. “Something happened,” he said with concern. He picked himself up from the floor and brushed off his clothes. “Do you need coffee?”

“No.”

“Wine?”

“… Maybe.” Jack crossed his arms. “But no.”

“Beer.”

“Lane,” Jack warned.

Lane sighed. “All right. I know. I’m holding out on you. I’ve got some stronger stuff, too. You can help yourself to that.”

Jack rolled his eyes. “You don’t even know what the problem is.”

“I can guess,” Lane said. “You’re pretty good at keeping a poker face, but I’m pretty good at reading you, too. It’s got to do with Craig, right?”

Jack thinned his lips but didn’t reply.

“See? I knew it.” Lane stepped closer. They didn’t touch, but his proximity was good enough. “… I also might have seen you two leaving together this morning with Isaac, but you know, details.”

“It’s just…” Jack sighed and shook his head. “I feel so stupid.”

“You’re not stupid.” Lane clasped his arm and squeezed. “Don’t say that. It’s not your fault you have a crush. I know how hard it is to get over someone you care about.”

Jack shot him a dirty look.

“Well…” Lane backtracked. “I can imagine how hard it’d be. The thought of losing Roman makes me want to curl into a ball and die. I know you’re not really together or anything, but it must be close to the same feeling. What happened?”

“Can we sit?” Jack asked. He didn’t feel much like standing. As it was, it felt like his stomach was dragging on the floor.

“Let’s go back to the house,” Lane suggested. He led the way to the door. “You can sit on the couch and unwind. I’ll make us something to drink.”

“Something non-alcoholic,” Jack said. He followed.

Lane led him out of the studio and locked the door. Soon enough they were back in the half of the house Lane lived in. Jack settled on the couch while Lane busied himself in the kitchen. Before long Lane came back and set a tall glass of ice water in front of Jack.

“It’s water, right?” Jack asked suspiciously as he picked it up.

“If you drank that much vodka you might actually die,” Lane said. “It’s water. I got one for myself, too.” He set his drink on the table, then pulled one of his armchairs over and tucked his legs beneath him as he sat in it. Jack watched. “So, what happened? Whatever it is sure has you upset.”

“Isaac’s mother came to the house,” Jack said. He picked up his glass of water and traced his fingers along the beads of condensation. “She threw a fit and insisted that Craig give her Isaac.”

“Did he?” Lane leaned a little closer.

“No. She wasn’t in her right frame of mind. She’d driven all the way from Los Angeles to come here and chew Craig out. She didn’t have any of the things she needed to care for Isaac, and she blamed Craig for it.”

“Jeez.” Lane laced his fingers together and fidgeted with them.

“And when Craig told her that it was in Isaac’s best interest to stay with us, she told him she was going to drive back to LA, file for custody, and charge him with kidnapping.”

“God.” Lane frowned. “Do you think it’s just an empty threat, or…?”

“I don’t know,” Jack admitted. “I don’t know anything about her other than that she’s Isaac’s mother and she was in rehab. Craig didn’t really talk about her all that much. I feel from the small amount of time I knew her that she would go through with it. She was so angry I was afraid she was going to start throwing punches.”

“Hmm.” Lane busied himself by reaching for his glass and taking a sip. After a thoughtful second, he said, “Then I guess you took Craig and Isaac to the airport this morning?”

“Yeah. They’re flying back to LA now.” Jack’s fingers were wet from the condensation. He drew them across his jeans. “I can’t go home. Everywhere I look, I see them. All of the baby things, and the smells, and just… just everything.”

“You know you’re welcome to stay here if you need to,” Lane said. “This unit has a guest bedroom, same as yours.”

“I’m going to have to go home eventually,” Jack said. “I’ve still got a life to live. I’ve got work to go to, and groceries to get, and messes to clean…”

“But you’ve also got a broken heart to take care of,” Lane said. “I think that’s just as important. You said you guys only slept together once, right? And that it was a mistake?”

Jack looked away.

“Oh my god.” Lane set his water down. “Jack!”

“Isaac got sick. That was what was wrong with him. I calmed Craig down and showed him what to do, and we had a moment, and it all kind of fell together.”

“So you’ve been sleeping together for real.” Lane sucked in a breath. “Roman’s going to freak out.”

“Don’t tell Roman,” Jack said, perhaps a little sharper than he should have. “It’s just… I don’t really want anyone to know. Not right now. I don’t even know what’s going on.”

“Well, did you guys talk about it?” Lane asked.

“We didn’t have time. All of it kind of came on at once.”

“But you still have phones, right?” Lane puffed his cheeks, then deflated them. He looked thoughtful. “You could call each other. Or Skype. There’s no reason you can’t talk it out.”

“No, there’s plenty of reason.” Jack stared into his glass of water. “Right now the only thing he should be worrying about is Isaac. If Synthia is trying to claim custody, he’s in for an ugly fight. I don’t want to be the annoying, clingy boyfriend who demands his full attention when he has much more important things to worry about. We’re talking about his son, here. I know that I can’t compete.”

“I’m not saying that you should compete,” Lane said. “But maybe he’s feeling the same way you do. Maybe he feels upset and confused. Maybe getting in touch would give him some closure, you know? It wouldn’t hurt to send him a text and get a feel for what’s going on.”

“Maybe.” Jack still wasn’t sure. He didn’t want to get in Craig’s way.

“Well, you can if you want to. I’m not forcing you.” Lane shrugged. “I just think that communication is the best thing for a situation like this. I learned my lesson after going through what I went through with Roman. It’s best to be crystal clear about your feelings.”

“I’m feeling pretty miserable right now,” Jack admitted.

“Then what can we do to make it better?” Lane asked. “Do you want to sit here and I’ll go through and do a sweep of your house? I’ll take all the baby things out. I’ll even wash your disgusting sex-stained sheets if you want me to.”

Jack scrunched his nose. “You make it sound about fifty times worse than it actually is.”

“I assume you were going at it like animals,” Lane said plainly. “You wouldn’t be so worked up about him leaving if there wasn’t wild sexual energy between you.”

He was right, but Jack didn’t want to admit it.

“You’d really do that for me?” Jack asked.

“Mmhm. What are friends for?” Lane winked. “And now that Craig has moved out of best friend territory and into maybe-boyfriend territory, that means I’m back on top. I’ve got to fight to hold onto my title. So yeah, I’ll wash your dirty sheets and clear the baby stuff out of your house. Where do you want me to put it?”

“In the garage,” Jack said. “There’s some stuff, like the extra toothbrush in the bathroom and the spit-up rags on the side table that should be boxed up. I can sort through it in the future when I’m feeling better, so you can lump it all together.”

“Will do. Lord knows I have enough boxes left over from moving all of the stuff in Bucky’s old unit around.” Lane stood. “I’ll go get to it now, okay? You can relax here. Drink some water, watch something on TV, and take your mind off things, okay?”

Jack nodded. “And you won’t tell any of this to Roman?”

“Nope.” Lane winked. He zipped his lips. “My lips are sealed. I may bust out that tidbit of information in a few months from now when things blow over and Roman is being an ass, just to gross him out, but I’ll make sure that you’re over it by then.”

Over it. What a depressing thought. Is this something I can get over?

Lane said his goodbyes. Jack replied half-heartedly. Soon enough he was alone in Lane’s house. Every problem felt insurmountable when it was new. Jack had said it after what happened in the hotel, and he knew it was true here, too. In time he’d see the best way forward, but for now he was too close to the problem to be level-headed about it.

All Jack needed to do was breathe.

He’d get through this. He always did.