Letting off steam

The whole way, Austin asked me if I was really okay. If I had anything else to tell them, of course I did, but I denied it. I didn't want them to know about my pregnancy, at least not now. I asked him to take a break and forget about the damn thing and focus on the road ahead, because the next people to get into an accident would be us and I couldn't die right now, not anymore. My heart and mind were confused, I thought I was suffering from my break-up, but I was taking it in my stride. What made me uneasy was knowing that Zac had had an accident because of me, he was trying to talk to me, and that really hurt me. It made a small wound hurt, the wound of the weight on my conscience and I didn't want to keep blaming myself for it, feeling bad about the whole situation, but every minute I got closer to that hospital, the feeling came to the surface and filled me up inside. I curled up in the car seat and took a deep breath, I needed to think about my son now, I couldn't let anything get to me because he could feel everything.

About thirty minutes later, we arrived at the hospital, and as incredible as it seemed, all our friends were there. When I looked at Hadija, she couldn't stop crying for a second, she was inconsolable and it made me feel sick. I approached her and hugged her as tightly as I could, trying to console her. I asked where Joseph was and he told me that he had just gone home to get Zac's documents and to pick up Aisha, his daughter, who was coming back from a trip and would then return to the hospital.

In the next few minutes, everyone became even more apprehensive, Zac was going into a second surgery, and it had no time to end. Hadija had to be medicated after having a nervous breakdown, and was now sedated and asleep in a medical observation room. We were relieved to hear that my aunt was in the operating room. She was monitoring everything and promised that she would tell us anything new.

“Cassy?” I look in my friend's direction ”What really happened? We've hardly spoken since you got here,” Eleanor says and I agree, take a deep breath and ask her and Sophie to accompany me to the cafeteria.

I ask Austin to keep Athalia company and I leave the waiting room, heading down the long white corridor and taking the elevator to the fifth floor with my two friends.

“I'll be quick and clear for you,” I say as soon as I sit down, accompanied by them ”After we talked at my house, I kept thinking about everything, I also got it off my chest with Harry. And finally, when I felt ready to tell Zac about the baby, I caught him having sex with Mandy in his bed," Sophie opened her mouth to say something, but I kept on talking, without giving her the chance “We had a fight, I broke up with him without the right to come back. But he wasn't satisfied and tried to find me, I turned him down and when he tried to talk to me again, that's when he had that damn accident.” I speak quickly and when I finish, I let out a sigh and try to recover my breath.”

“What? No, wait... Zac and Mandy?” said Els.

“Yes,” I say "It was only a matter of time before it happened Eleanor, and we all knew that, didn't we?" I say and lean on the table.

“Gosh Cassy, I can only imagine how bad it must have been for you to catch them in the act,” says Sophie.

“It sucked, I confess,” I say. ”But it didn't hurt as much as I thought it would, you know, I was prepared to do what the three of us talked about that day at home. I was going to move on with him and Harry would just be my friend, but seeing that and feeling almost nothing made me realize that I am in love with Zac, but I don't love him.” I confess and they look at each other.

“The famous fire in the ass,” says Sophie and I laugh.

“I think he, Zac, really got to me because he took me out of my damn comfort zone. Even though I always got hurt because of his certain attitudes, that asshole made me feel good and gave me a certain freedom to try new things.” I say they nod, as if they really understand.

“Zachary may be stupid on a lot of subjects, but he's a good guy,” says Eleanor.

We were silent for a few seconds, and in the meantime my mind wandered to everything that had happened in the past few hours. The past few days and I found myself asking, what if everything had been different? If Zac no longer felt anything for Mandy, if he really loved me... Or if I hadn't accepted his kiss, wouldn't I have gotten involved with him? If I hadn't even kissed Harry, would my feelings have been that messed up too? I took a deep breath and tried to forget those internal questions, this was no time to think about that, not while he was being operated on on the second floor of this building.

“What about you and Harry?” Sophie asks and I focus my gaze on the blonde.

“What about him and me?” I ask and she snorts.

“How do you feel about him, what are you going to do now that you're single?” she asks me and at that moment, I have no idea.

“Do you want me to be honest?” I say and they nod.

“Please,” says Els.

“I don't know,” I begin, ”I really don't know, because Harry is his friend and even though we're not together anymore, it would be strange right now to think about or try anything with him. As much as he moves me, a lot, you know? I don't know what to do and I have no idea what might happen from now on.” I confide in them, and both, as if thinking together, hold my hand over the table and smile.