Because I wouldn't have another chance like this

The park Harry brought me to last time was beautiful, and coming to a place where I feel good is cozy. Today the weather was a bit cool and there weren't many people around, so I walked over to a tree that faced a small side and sat down.

I didn't feel like going back to campus or even going home, I needed a moment to myself and I needed to analyze everything I've been doing over the last few months. I put my backpack against the tree and snuggled down, lying down right there. It didn't take long for my cell phone to vibrate, for a second I thought it was him, but when I saw that the number was from the voicemail, I ignored it and closed my eyes. As I did so, the scene I'd witnessed today after leaving the bathroom filled me, that dull ache in my chest bothered me and that's when I allowed myself to cry, because if I didn't cry it would hurt me and it would build up and, of course, there would come a time when I could collapse in front of anyone and I didn't want that, I didn't want anyone to come up to me and see how I was because of a mistake I'd made. They warned me so much and I allowed myself to get into this situation, out of sheer stubbornness, I should have listened even to my sixth sense.

Damn!

“A girl as beautiful as you shouldn't cry over stupid guys, you know?” I was slightly startled to hear that voice and quickly opened my eyes, trying to dry my face, *he* didn't need to see that.

“What are you doing here?” I asked and straightened my posture. As I sat down, I noticed that he had thrown his backpack on the grass and sat down next to me.

“Zac came along and it wasn't you,” he said and I bit my lip when I heard that "Something told me that you needed a shoulder to lean on, and I felt that you could be here, because last time you said that this place brought you peace." I looked up at him and smiled gratefully, approaching my friend and resting my head on his shoulder.

“Thanks Harry.” I whisper, really grateful.

At no time did he ask me what happened, at no time did he leave my side. I already knew what was going on in his mind, in everyone's mind in fact. Especially since my then-boyfriend had left with me at lunchtime, and hours later returned with his missing ex. I sighed and turned away from Harry, he was much more than a friend to me, I could feel it, and I could trust him with my eyes closed that this curly-haired, green-eyed man would never let me down.

“Zac and I are a mistake,” I begin "But I can't stay away from him, and it all started when he found me in the library crying," if anyone else was to know the truth, let it be Harry, only him and no one else "I was so down on myself, I felt so depressed at the time and, even though I hated him, at that moment it felt right to get it off my chest, you know?" I say and Harry shakes his head in agreement, and continues in silence, just listening to me talk.

“When I was little, I was abused by a neighbor of my family and it went on for a few years,” I felt his body tense up next to me ”He threatened me constantly and I was a little girl, I didn't know what to do and I didn't have the courage to tell my parents, to this day they can't even imagine what happened to me,” I say and stand firm without even shedding a tear ”Then came my insecurities and then my relationship with Lucca, he knows everything and so does Zac, I believe that if they stayed with me in any way it was out of pity, you know? “ he moves his body towards me, facing me.

“Don't say that Cassidy, if they've chosen to have a relationship with you, it's because they've been charmed and fallen in love with a side of you that nobody knows about. Don't diminish yourself so much, you're fucking amazing!” Harry's green eyes sparkle more than usual, his face close to mine makes me nervous and I force myself to look away from him.

“You're sweet, you know that? I don't know what I'd do without you,” I say without looking at him and I hear him laugh, the laugh I loved.

“How are you feeling?” he asks, and I look at him over my shoulder.

“A real piece of shit,“ I say sincerely "My life has always been troubled since the abuse happened, I'm a broken girl, a suicidal ex, a depressed ex, whom boyfriends always cheat on and in the end, I always hear an ’I told you so', because really, there's always someone to warn me and now I'm sure that I have a rotten finger for everything in my fucking life.” I mutter and feel that little ache take hold of me again.

“You don't have a rotten finger in friendships, look at me for example” I laugh at how conceited he is ”If you'd chosen me, you wouldn't have to worry about exes, because I don't even have an ex-girlfriend. And even if I did, my attention and veneration would only be for you and no one else.” I feel my heartbeat almost stop when I hear that, Harry was proposing to me?

“Harry...” he comes closer and holds my face with his hands.

“You're everything I've ever dreamed of Cassy, I'm crazy about you. I need to confess this to you soon because I know I'll go crazy somehow,” my eyes fill with water at that moment and I close my eyes when I feel his lips kissing my eyelids ”I don't want to demand it and I don't have the right to do it, I understand that you love Zac, I understand that your heart belongs to him and if it's to see you happy, I'll give up every feeling I have in my chest for you. I'm content just to be your friend, I don't want you to get away from me, otherwise I wouldn't be able to stand it,” I feel tears wet my face.

“Why now?” I say softly.

“Because I wouldn't have another chance like this.” And that's how we had our first kiss.

Harry touched my lips with his ever so lightly, and my stomach churned. When the tip of his tongue touched my lips, I didn't stop him, I opened my mouth and allowed him to kiss me like *I'd never been kissed before*. His lips were soft and so *delicious*, Harry tasted like cherries in his mouth, and *I loved the taste of cherries*. One of his hands went down to my waist and another went to the back of my neck, where a few strands of my hair were pulled, I moaned weakly into his lips and there I knew that my best friend would be my undoing. I couldn't lose Harry, I couldn't give myself away like that and ruin what we'd built. With a lot of effort, I pulled away from him and pressed our foreheads together, still keeping my eyes closed.

“We can't do this...” I say, still trying to catch my breath "I can't do this to you Harry, I'm *really sorry*." I say and get up from the grass, quickly grabbing my backpack so I can get out of there.

“Shit,” I hear him say, as do his footsteps behind me "Cassidy wait!" he pulls on my arm making me look at him, my heart skipping a beat once again.

“I don't want to lose your friendship Haz, I can't.” my eyes blur and he pulls me to him and hugs me, I sink my face into his chest and hug him tightly.

“You'll never lose me, it's like I told you, I'd rather be your friend than be away from you, I'd rather see you happy than sad,” he says, making me squeeze him even tighter ”*I love you* Cassidy, and having your friendship is too important. I'll never give it up.” I pull away slowly.

“Promise you won't leave me?” I ask and he smiles sideways.

*“I'll never leave you little one, I'll be here for you until the end of my days.”*