Your Deimos

**A/N: I apologize for the delay in publishing this chappy. I thank you for your patience and understanding.

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I awaken with a loud gasp my body lunging forward, I am quickly seated fingertips thrust into the mattress tightly clutching the softness. Eyes snap to the small clock by my bedside table and my eyes widen.

Flinging the mattress away placing my cold feet into the fur slippers, the same ones that Deimos purchased for me when I was pregnant. I couldn't bring myself to throw them away just like all the other things he bought me saying the same words each time. 'It reminded me of you, my female.' Perhaps he planned it all, for what hurts me the most is not the betrayal at present but the happiness of the past. The happiness that taunts me every night in my dreams.

I am attached to his presents for each of them gifted from him holds a memory, memories no matter our downfalls I truly cherish. I use them all but hidden from his sight. Like the necklace that I never remove which is often concealed under my clothes.

Unstoppable curses continue to leave my lips whilst I throw on an oversize sweater. Is the little one still asleep? He is uncomfortably silent which does nothing but cause nervousness to boil within me. Rushing over to his crib peeking inside only to find it void.

Heart pounding beneath my ribcage it becomes a sudden aching difficulty to breathe. Placing my palm into the crib sliding across the soft blanket I whisper, "Cold. It is cold. He was taken from here long before."

The title Kal carries and him being a harmless pup makes him an easy target for rogues to take him from us and that thought itself drowns me in anxiety. Yet I know this is not the case at present. I know who has Kal, it is a quick image of him that my mind sticks out. A beautiful image of him, with a wide smile on his face as his eyes shine and laughter booms from his chest.

Heading out the front door squinting to the brightness of the sun that strikes my eyes. Closing my eyes head lifted to the sky I take a deep breath in. One that consoles my lungs, one that flourishes my shattered core. Nature dwells in my soul, and she appears when I seek her. Not when I am merely in pain, but also in my happiness, in my yearning and when I sin with words and actions.

She comforts me, nourishes me and celebrates with me. Because I knew nature well I learnt to survive on my own yet now, she has disappeared for all the things she did is being done by Deimos. She has passed it on to him.

Slow steps I take to where he resides, I need not seek him for his soul calls to me. It always does. To find him, to hold him, to...save him. It is a non-stop beckoning, he is unaware of this and pretends as though he is doing well in front of me to not sway me but I know him. Inside out. Yet why does it seem as though despite knowing him I am not aiding him rather walking away?

It feels as though the first time. I feel anxious when my eyes land upon his flesh. The beats of my heart quicken and when our eyes meet it stops. It is an uncontrollable emotion that is causing disaster and havoc within me. It is a natural gravitation towards him, one that I cannot escape.

Chewing on my lower lip hand placed upon the handle, I do my best to control my surging emotions. A small debate takes place within me whether perhaps I should leave and make Elriam fetch him Kal yet I came all the way. Why did I do so? Is it to get a glimpse of him? Is to be met with his gentle smile of welcome?

"Come in, mate." Deimos's deep low voice booms through from inside and I startle. Of course, he was aware of my presence. Perhaps even of my contemplation.

A soft sigh leaves my lips whilst I push the door open. I am met with the sight of Deimos who sits on the chair, left hand holding Kal to his chest and right signing documents. Eyes peer up at me yet I am not greeted by that welcoming smile of his. I am greeted by his silence.

Ragon turns to see me as he swiftly gets up and bows, "Luna." He greets with a soft smile.

"Ragon." I give him a nod of acknowledgement.

"Continue, Ragon." Deimos orders eyes serious and unwavering. There seems to be important concerning matters at hand. Ragon sits back down attention turned to Deimos who waits patiently.

There is a burning tension boiling in the room not directed at me rather between them. Understanding sparks up within me, something is wrong, something is very wrong.

"They have murdered half of our night scouts. Our borders are unsafe, the remaining wolves are tired of carrying the weight of those killed." Ragon whispers. His words take a direct hit at me for I was not unexpecting of this.

"What of our warriors, what do they think of our plan?" Deimos questions whilst I take a seat next to Ragon. Deimos glances at my movement but does not say anything turning his eyes back to his beta.

"They agree with your plan for this is how it has always been. Now that you possess a male, it has triggered a new wave of destruction." My eyes snap to Ragon. What did he just say? Is this about Kal?

"Just like what happened to my father." Deimos says shutting his eyes close but when they reopen they land on Kal, his frown deepens and he clutches his male tighter to him.

"Yes, Alpha."

"What is going on?" I ask looking back and forth between the two males. The beats of my heart lose their normal pace struggling to gather it together.

"I thought things would be different compared to my father, you know? That I could lead my own life, that I could be free of my bounds. That my power would be more than enough to protect those I hold dear. Afterall I possess an unmerciful reputation that I built hoping that no wolf would dare to wield their sword towards me." Deimos's eyes fall to my flesh. " Yet I am truly drowning now, Ragon." He mutters eyes meeting mine.

"Alpha." Ragon's fist trembles placed upon his thigh and he bows deep. His tension-filled scent manifests into a painful one. A sour and distasteful scent it truly is.

"Answer me, what is happening?" My question is undemanding rather soft directed at Deimos, my eyes do not leave his. There is no other wolf in this room to me but him, he possesses my entire focus and attention at this moment.

"Ragon, I shall send for you in a while. We must discuss further. Meet with the warriors of their discussed war plan." Deimos utters as Ragon's chair is pushed backwards. He stands up bowing deeply to both of us leaving us alone in the room.

There is a silence that consumes us, both of us merely staring at the other. He takes a low deep breath to answer me. "A new war has emerged." He says.

My eyes widen to his words, another war. I do not understand, why would any pack in their right minds go against him? He is a good alpha for he leads with goodness and righteousness this I can stand by. He has not caused any problems for others so why?

"Which pack is it? Why do they want war?" I question.

"The one south from here near the ice lands. They reside close to Phobos's pack. There was a conflict between our scouts and theirs yet theirs killed many of ours." He replies.

"Did you inform their Alpha? Do you not lead them?" I ask, my frown deepening to his words.

"No, I do not lead them. They do not come under my wing. One of the 'independent' packs. I do not know of their Alpha. I have never met him." He says.

"But why war?"

"Because that is the only option available. It was my proposal. Their thought that they can barge in here and murder my wolves must be burned. Our pack is in mourning and shall be for a few weeks." He declares.

I swiftly look to my feet. I...I did not notice it at all. Have I been so indulged with my mate bond that I have grown blind to the misery of our pack? If so, then what kind of a Luna am I? If I have not mourned with them, if I have not shared their pain do I even have the right to be called as such?

"When did this happen?" My question whispered out painfully for I am doubting myself. I am doubting my soul.

"Last night." He replies. Now that I truly notice it the dark bags that reside under his eyes show proof of his words. While I, the Luna was sleeping peacefully last night wolves were getting murdered with the Alpha left to deal with it alone. My fists tremble heavily and I grit my teeth to the fire burning me from within.

"I shall train you." His mutters gathering my attention. His words are spoken out of the blue.

"What?"

"When I return from war, I shall train you personally. I shall aid you to become a master of knives." He says putting his pen down leaning back sinking further into his chair eyes plunging into mine to gauge my reaction to his words.

"Why?" I inquire shifting forward. He moves back away from me, I move front closer to him. Push & Pull.

"If our heavily guarded pack has been infiltrated for the second time, it merely means with time many shall follow. I need you to become stronger so you can protect yourself and our male when I am not with you. And when I am here I will protect you Lumina, even if I have to give up my life. I will do it in a heartbeat. I swear by it."

My eyes widen at his last words. A memory of us seeps into him as soft and pleasant as silk. The first time our pack was at war, I had whispered these exact words to him. He understands it now, the weight these words carry meant for whom they truly love.

"Who shall protect you?" I ask my unsettling eyes lifting to meet back with his.

He tilts his head to the side whilst he stares at me. Deimos does not know what to make of it. Am I asking with true concern?, am I asking with duty? Or am I playing my role as his Luna? These are the questions that run within the barriers of his mind. Barriers let down for me to seek his truth.

"I shall. I shall protect myself." He says, the heat of his gaze burning my flesh goosebumps erupting spreading like wildfire across my skin.

"And if you cannot?" What is it that I wish to hear from his lips? What is it that I wish for him to answer? Say it. Say what I wish to hear, Deimos. He contemplates for a while eyes seeking mine, he opens his mouth as if he is preparing to say something but closes it back down the thought is stripped away and replaced by another. My heart pounds faster.

"Then may the moon welcome me." He whispers. Anger surges through me and I look away from him. How can he easily say that? How can he easily utter these words to me? This is not the answer I wished to hear.

"You say these words without thinking. You never think before you speak to me." If he only knew my sorrow when he was in a coma. If he was able to see the gut-wrenching misery I went through.

His eyebrows sink into a deep frown, "I merely answered your question. It is my truth. I need to protect myself, mate."

"All right." I answer, my voice low and quiet looking elsewhere all around to show I find something else interesting rather than speaking with him. He brings out my hidden pup like traits when I am with him. The way I pout, my actions, my words change. I become utterly spoilt and entitled. Only with him. Only him.

"Are you upset with me, that I brought Kal here? Did I frighten you?" He asks whilst getting up to stride around the table to come to where I sit. My teeth sink into my lower lip nervousness bubbling up within me with every step he takes.

"No, I am not upset. It was my fault, I overslept and it was your time with-" My breath is caught at the base of my throat to his sudden proximity. Squatting on the floor by my legs, his left palm clutching my chair handle. He looks up at me with a gentle smile. "Kal." I finish breathlessly.

I lean back this time and he merely watches my movement, the seriousness in his eyes has disappeared replaced by a cute playfulness towards me. Kal tugs on the collar of Deimos's shirt cooing and gargling being his usual self. A female cannot remain strong and not be swayed when her eyes are set on a father and his pup.

"I instructed Elriam to bring him to me, I did not step into that house you built." Deimos says as I frown at his words.

"It is not a mere house. It is my home." I declare.

"It is not your home, my female. Your home is with me." He says eyes striking into mine daring me to go against his words, rather the truth he speaks. The truth we both are aware of.

"That is for me to decide, Deimos." I strike back preparing to fight him on this matter. Not a serious fight but one merely just for the sake to prove my point.

He leans further into me barging into my personal space with no hesitation eyes dropping down to my lips and moving back up to meet my eyes. An action that speaks to me louder than words. His emeralds burn as wildfire and I hold my breath swallowing waiting for his next move. A cruel slow-burning anticipation he puts me through.

I lick my lower lip whilst his face leans to the side he peers into me, he is going to kiss me. I should kill him now before his lips touch mine, be done with it. But I cannot move, my body betrays me. Months of yearning and wet dreams have pushed me off the edge, I can fight only so much. Fingertips sink into my sweater for support. He sees my inner fight and he chuckles.

Lips swiftly turn direction to move towards my left ear. "You can keep running, my female. Run from our bond, run from our future, run from us. I shall hunt you down and bring you back to me. I shall tie you to my flesh. I shall make sure to earn you, to be worthy of you." He whispers whilst the heat of his breath brushed against the shell of my ear and I shiver uncontrollably snapping my eyes shut clutching onto my sweater for dear life.

His warmth is stripped away from me quickly whilst he moves backwards rising putting space between us. The remains of his scent I pull into my lungs so it can stay and make its place inside.

"This war, must you go? Must you fight?" I question peeking up at him from beneath my lashes. The scar of the silver knife remains on his flesh, a reminder of the harsh journey we went through. Of the eerie silent and cold darkness, he was drowning in with no way out. Death called to him and he was on standing on the edge, and the moon chose whether to push him or let him stay.

"Of course. What kind of an Alpha does not fight for his pack?" He asks pacing around the room comforting the little one in his arms who seeks his attention.

"What kind of a pack does not fight for their Alpha and bounds him to disgusting traditions?" I am quick to counter his reply. An attack that flew past my lips without neither hesitation nor though. An attack thrown at him by me that was unnecessary. His steps halt, back turned to me. I see a slight bend of his spine shoulders drawn in head low.

"That was uncalled for. I apologize."

"Your words hold your truth, mate. And my pack holds theirs. But my truth, I do not hold it. It is not in my hands. My father did not hold his either. I want Kal to wake up in a world that he sees as his canvas. He can paint it as he pleases and the colours shall follow his paintbrush." Deimos says. I do not understand the meaning that lies beneath his words but I do not question it.

"When will you leave?" I ask swiftly changing the topic not wishing to have this conversation.

"As soon as the warriors are ready." He replies turning back to face me not asking further about my attack.

"Are you ready? Are you frightened?" I ask whilst standing up taking a slow short step towards him.

He looks a bit taken back to my question for I have caught him off guard. But then he chuckles a loud one peeking out from his throat. "This is the first time I am going to utter these words in my life. Yes. Yes, I am frightened. No, I am not ready, my female."

"Why so? Is it the pack? Are they fearful? Then why go to war, Deimos? Let us discuss it, find a doable solution." I take another step closer to his heat. How can he go to war when he is with fear?

"It is because I have much to lose now, mate. I possess a family who shines brighter to me than any star in the night sky. A family I must protect with my life and help keep warm in the coldest of winters. *A family who possess the entirety of me.*" His truth slides into my soul, the words capture it tying me down.

I look away from him to the window that lies behind him. A family. Something I yearned for and something he was afraid to possess. Now the roles have reversed, I am afraid and he...he is yearning. How much longer shall he pull and I push until I lose balance and fall into him?

"I-I need to go." I whisper quickly for the heat of his gaze is pushing me into a haze. Deimos looks disappointed but offers me a soft nod handing me my male slowly. As I gather Kal into my arms I peek back at Deimos. "I shall go and comfort the females, and mourn with them. And I...I shall see you tonight."

His eyes widen a little to my last words as his surprise manifests into a soft smile eyes gentle as he peers down at me. A smile with all his teeth on display. "I shall see you tonight, my female." I give him a nod and walk out of his office giving him one final glance before shutting the door softly behind me.

Leaning against the closed door placing my palm over my beating heart patting it slowly I whisper, "Calm down now." It feels as though it would burst at any moment. His smile was so bright and so very...beautiful. I am swimming in his warmth but I do not wish to dive deeper. I am too fearful of it.

Taking a deep breath preparing myself mentally for what is to come I head towards the open pack lands. I need to meet with the females who have lost their sons, their fathers, brothers and mates. I need to sacrifice myself to them so that they can seek comfort with me.

In a small house, the females who have lost their males have gathered together seated on the floor many more standing outside for there is no place left to accommodate them within. Their combined cries boom through the open door for every female to hear, feel and part take in. There is no males present, it is a place of mourning only for the females. Their scorching-hot cries burn through the flesh of one's soul.

My body trembles with their combined auras of misery and gut-wrenching pain that looms over them caging them. Elriam stands by the side her eyes showing me her surprise at the matter. She was unaware of the death of our scouts as well. I beckon her and she comes forward briskly to my call.

"Keep Kal with you and take him back to my house. He is too young to absorb the current energy, it shall harm him." I hand him to Elriam who pays heed to my words and quickly walks away.

Knowing he is in safe hands I stride through the crowd as the females part giving me a path for me to get through. Stepping into the house I am met by their red swollen eyes on me as well as the scent of death that swims freely throughout the room. One's soul must be strong to take part in this. They watch me with trembling lips many pounding their chests with their fists their bodies swaying back and forth drained of energy.

The females are bare their flesh unclothed as a sign that they mourn for the loss of theirs and others and nothing is hidden. Their body the temple of their soul shall know and comfort the sorrow of others. Shared mourning.

Kneeling upon the ground I strip myself off my clothes and sit there in the middle of the circle naked. "Forgive me for I am late, my females. Give me your sorrow, give me your pain, give me your misery. I shall give you comfort and heal you in return to what the moon has taken from you." I whisper eyes closed both palms placed on my thighs as a sign of openness, sacrifice and welcoming. I shall take what they give.

A moment of silence and then the room booms with their sobs. They cry to me, many crawling forward on their hands and knees placing their palms upon mine to which I clutch on to. They place their hands on my body, on my shoulders, on my chest and back. Some lay their heads upon me as a sign of support. I knew there was death but I did not know the extent of the damage caused. There is so many, I came unprepared.

Tears stream down my cheeks my lips quivering, uncontrollable sobs begin to break through my heart. "He was merely a juvenile. He still hadn't met his moon blessed. He waited for her. I wanted to see him with his family." One of the older females wails banging her forehead upon the floor. A mother. She is a mother. "Goddess." I say. A pain of a mother only another mother shall know and feel.

"He was my male. He was my male. Mine." Another young female weeps her heart out. She sits in the corner of the house knees tucked to her chest arms around her legs. Her words muffled for her head is pressed into her thighs. She lost her mate. The shadow of her flesh is highlighted by the fire burning in the middle of the room. Yet the fire in her soul seems to burn stronger, it is beginning to rot her insides.

I take in a shaky breath. My eyes sweeping across the room to find all these females drowning in agony and suffering one that shall take years to heal and until it shall become a fading memory. The torture they must go through. I sob louder. What can I do? How can I help my females?

Clamping my mouth shut holding my palm over it I stumble and fall to the ground, their pain too much for me to handle.

"Why? Why our males? They were all good, smart and possessed beautiful souls. It could have been other wolves but why ours?" A female screams her tone high pitched whilst she shrieks her distress. The others moan unable to control the throbbing ache of their cores.

"What do you want? What do you wish for?" I ask tears leaking from my eyes down my flesh. My voice a mere whisper against the loudness of their weeping.

"We give back what is given to us. We take what has been taken from us." The same older female who lost her son replies to me. "An eye for an eye."

"An eye for an eye." The crowd screams in unison.

"Then we go to war." I say whilst making sure to look at each of them meeting eyes to discover each others truth.

"We go to war!" More words screamed in unison the emotions in their eyes manifesting from aching sorrow to surging fury.

"Our pack shall lose more lives." I whisper the truth. Some females have not halted their wails still drowning in their misery yet most have revenge on their minds. It is what they want.

"They shall die with honour for those whose lives were taken without integrity." One of the several females' whispers from the back of the room. The others nod in reply and acceptance to her words. There is no wrong or right with going to war. It is just how it is in this world. It is an unmerciful brutal world where only the strongest shall survive.

As daylight sinks beneath and night is welcomed the females begin to leave one by one to the comfort of their homes. I wait outside the door until the last of them places her forehead upon mine saying her farewell to me.

Running to my house hand clamped over my mouth to stop what wishes to come out I burst through the front door startling Deimos who waits outside patiently leaning upon a tree arms folded across his chest. Rushing to the washroom thrusting my face into the toilet I let the contents of my stomach out. Heaving palms clutching onto my stomach I vomit. Tears begin to stream down once more to the stress my body had received.

"My female?" Deimos asks heavy concern seeping out of him like silk. His scent invades my senses in a good way and I indulge in it.

"Alpha!" Elriam comes forward with her worry towards me. I watch Deimos from the side of my eyes. He rushes forward his strides hurried and with purpose eyes serious and focused on me but his steps halt by the door block. His right foot remains up midstep as he contemplates whether to enter or not.

He looks at the undesirable me who is barfing loudly into the toilet and back at the door block. Closing his eyes shut fists trembling he takes a deep breath and takes a step back.

"Pat her back, Elriam. That soothes her." He instructs and Elriam is quick to follow his command whilst her soft palm rubs and pats my back gently.

I heave again my stomach twisting and turning but nothing comes out for it is now emptied. Elriam continues to pat my back until I take deep breaths.

"I am all right." I say to calm both the tension-filled and worried wolves present. Elriam sighs and helps me up on my feet.

"Kal?" I ask her.

"Fast asleep." She whispers bending down to take a towel from the cupboard. She drenches it with water and hands it to me to wipe my mouth.

"Thank you, Elriam. I apologize for keeping you up so late. You are free to leave." I tell her with a soft smile. She looks as though she wishes to stay but with one glance at Deimos her eyes light up and she feels her presence is not needed for he is here to be by my side.

"Goodnight, Alpha." She bows to me and Deimos whilst striding out the entrance.

"How are you feeling, my female." He asks eyes sinking into mine.

"Not so good. Our females our suffering, they want war." I whisper the truth with a shake of my head knowing this shall not end well. This war possessed the capability to bring forth further devastation and destruction.

"Yes, I know that. The males wish for it too. It must be done." He replies. Swallowing to soothe the roughness of my throat I give him quick nods. "Why did you wish to meet me?" He asks out of the blue. He is straightforward and does not run in circles, he does not care for matter or time. He will ask for what he wants when and where he wishes.

"Because I...I-" Why did I wish to meet him again? To discuss the war, to find other solutions? Why did I wish to see him? I swallow harshly biting my lower lip, thoughts running wild digging around to find the answer to my question.

I meet his eyes and my mouth opens and closes like a fish underwater. I am lost for words. Rather I forgot what I needed him here for.

"Come closer, my female." He whispers his tone low strained and pleading.

"I am close to you, Deimos." I say looking at the space between us.

"Not close enough." He mutters eyes grow from the neutral emerald to burning striking ones. He looks up at me as how a predator would gaze at his prey.

"I have forgotten as to why I wished to meet you tonight. I apologize, perhaps I shall remember tomorrow and I will come to see you. If you wish to greet your male give me a second I will go bring him to-"

"I do not know who I am without you, my female." He takes a step forward, one leg outside the other inside the house. I take a stumbled step backwards startled by his sudden move and words.

"Deimos. Please do not do this." I plead begging him to not sway me. I shake my head non stop my heart running again the beats picking up.

"This position I am in right now is my place in your heart." He utters whilst I see his feet, he is not inside my home but he is not fully outside either. I gasp with the truth he acknowledges. The truth he knows and sees. The truth I am running from.

"Do not do this to me." I plead again. "Please do not lure me again, you make me weak Deimos." I beg shaking my head body trembling eyes closed and wet with emotions and feelings I cannot deny.

"Mate." He whispers.

"You have a role to play, a role that outweighs everything. It even outweighs you as a wolf. I cannot live with that. I won't live with that. You must understand. You must!" I shriek.

"Mate, I-" He begins to reason with me but I stop him. I give him something that he can live with.

"I shall be by your side as your Luna, I shall stand by you. But please I beg you, do not take more from me." I whisper.

"Look at me, my female!" His voice raising it booms through my home and with quivering lips my eyes slowly flutter open to meet his fiery emeralds. "I stand here before you bare of my titles. Not the Alpha of Alpha's, not a God. Just Deimos. *Your Deimos*." My soul breathes.

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Liz

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