Walk Through The Fire

**A/N: Another long chappy ahead for the late update :D Enjoy!**

"Why must you leave?" I sigh folding Kal's freshly washed and dried clothes. My eyes peeking into the basket inspecting if I had left any. I am aware of the answer to my question yet I still ask it for satisfaction so my mind can get around it and let him go.

"Because of my responsibilities. I am an Alpha, Lumina." Cronus replies whilst chuckling not to my words but Kal's cute antics. The two males are bonding upon my bed. Kal lies on his stomach in the same position I placed him a few minutes ago, hands flailing his lower body moving with a playful bounce.

Cronus has his finger tucked into Kal's left palm as he gazes down at him with a soft smile. "He is growing up fast."

"Too fast for me. He shall become a four-month-old soon." I reply whilst grabbing the laundry basket and taking it into the bathroom.

"He would be spoilt with presents on his first birthday. There would be a competition among packs to see who would send him the best gift despite him being merely a year old." Cronus declares the truth.

"Indeed. And I would have to spend hours opening them all up for him to see." I mutter walking back to them taking a seat opposite Cronus the mattress groaning with our combined weight.

Kal begins to speak his language as soon as his eyes set upon me a wide toothless smile on his face. "Yes. I know. I know." I coo replying to his incomprehensible words with my own as if I truly understand him. His smile swiftly disappears and he stares at me with those emeralds, mouth wide open perhaps trying to figure out my words to him.

"I think he understands you." Cronus says astonished looking up at me with surprised eyes.

"My emotions, yes he senses them with ease and bawls if I am upset or there is thick tension around me. So in a way he does." I utter my fingertips tickling the plump flesh of Kal's neck as he gurgles and plops down on his blanket tired of keeping his body upright.

Cronus brings his forearm towards his chin to gaze down at his wristwatch. "They should be ready soon." He says speaking about his warriors he had arrived with. Their cars are pumped up with gas and are prepared to withhold through the journey back to his pack. Cronus is merely waiting for his warriors to pack up and finish their training.

"Will you come to visit again?" I ask waiting patiently for his eyes to meet mine.

"Of course. I need to come to sort out you two lovebirds, yes?" He chortles his words spewed with no hesitation. I do not laugh merely turn my attention to Kal whose eyes are glued to the bright red coloured rattle as he sees it with awe. "Lumina?" He calls my name.

There is a feeling of familiarity and comfort when Cronus calls me by the name Deimos gave me but when Deimos calls me as such my heart burns. Not a good kind of a burn but one that rots flesh.

"Yes?"

"Something happened that day when his wolf emerged, yes? Would you like to talk about it?" His voice is gentle and soothing. A calmness in the pit of fire.

"How do you know something happened?" A frown on my face a tiny glare from my eyes.

"I feel it. Around Deimos, around you. But with Deimos, it was quite easier to tell. It seems as though he is drowning." He speaks his truth removing his finger from Kal's tight grasp. My male raises his voice in an attempt to show he wants the finger back tiny palms reaching for Cronus's hand.

I remain silent again not wishing to conform to his words that pain me. Drowning. Yes, I remember that feeling. It isn't merely about not being able to breathe. It is a slow death where despite one trying to reach the surface, the miracle never comes until...the person who bounds them to the bottom of the ocean sets them free.

The heat of Cronus's gaze on my flesh isn't warm and comforting anymore rather now manifested into one of questioning. As if he knows, no...as if he feels the truth I shall deliver. Taking a slow breath in I meet his patient eyes. "I told him that I hated him." I say waiting for his advice which that shall come to claim me from his lips.

He stares at me calmly for a few seconds digesting what I had told him. Then he scoffs eyes glued to a spot mind lost in thought or perhaps a memory. "Hate. That is a word not to be used at your mate, Lumina."

"I did not mean it. He irked me, my fury was rising and he pressured me further. Funny, how you said the same thing he did to me when I uttered it." I reason with him.

"That is because I taught it to him." He replies whilst giving his finger back to the upset little pup throwing a small tantrum. Kal clutches Cronus's finger bringing it into his mouth sucking slowly his fit dying.

"What do you mean? I do not understand." I frown pulling down the sleeves of my shirt to cover my wrist when his eyes land on Deimos's wolf's mark. His eyes hold understanding not to just Deimos but me as well. He understands us, the relationship we have.

"When you first flew out of nowhere from the sky and thrust into his hands he was taken by surprise. Yes, he knew mates existed yet he did not know anything about the meaning or the depth they possessed. So, he would call me some nights. Talking about you." Cronus says with a soft smile on his lips.

"He talked about me? What did he say?" I question my voice soft, shifting a little closer to him as a sign of my curiosity of things I am blind to.

"Indeed. He would talk about small things, like your hair. Your eyes or your smile. How you cried a lot but also how fierce and strong you were unlike most females he knew. He said you made him uncomfortable with you and with himself and he wished to escape."

"Yes, I was aware of how I made him feel for he made sure to shine that in light with his actions." I speak my truth reflecting on my painful road that got me here my heart burning with distaste. I swallow profusely trying to ease the flames.

"He made me curious so I came to visit you when Theia was here, and I found the good in you that he was blind to. But in the end, he truly did discover it. After the lantern festival, he would call me almost every night for a few weeks when you weren't in his presence. To the point that it annoyed me at times for I was pulled from my responsibilities to give him counselling. I taught him the bond of mates. Not everything I suppose for as you can still see he has his faults towards you." He says.

The liquid of truth seeps into the depths of my mind making its slow path down to my soul. Deimos was blind and so was I.

"I did not know that." I clear my throat watching Kal slowly dozing off to sleep sucking on Cronus's finger his small chest rising taking in a loud inhale of air.

"He lost his parents before he could learn about you. Of your sacred bond and whilst years passed he had gotten the gist of it yet he wasn't much interested in knowing further for his dedication had changed to his pack. They were the only wolves he had. My parents didn't teach him anything either and I truly do not know why. They are at fault for this as well." He mutters beneath his breath.

"I did not have a family either. Rather I hated them with a burning passion." I spit as a vile taste in my mouth grows for thoughts of them are uncovered.

"Losing wolves you loved strikes harder than losing wolves you hated with every breath you took. Every memory you have with them shall be eaten raw by the claws of death. Would you be able to survive if you were to lose one of your females, or Elriam or even Kal?" Cronus asks. His question plunging deep at my soul and I gasp with the pain that hits me despite him giving me a potential probability.

"I do not hate him." I say my voice merely a whisper.

"I know that. But he does not, for he sees it as your right and truth to hate him for his past actions and current sins." Cronus says whilst getting up slowly not to awaken the little one.

"Did you talk with him?" I ask raising along with him.

"Yes, I did. But he did not open up completely to me. Perhaps he would to you. I have something to tell you, Luna." Cronus says turning his back to me whilst picking up the two empty cups on the table taking them to the sink.

"What is it?"

"Deimos is...not who he was. You have somehow helped him become a different male, like the male I grew up with." He says meeting my eyes.

"What do you mean?" I ask.

"You brought out the pup in him. The Deimos you have been with for the past few years is the true one. The one who was hidden in fear and loneliness behind his unmerciful facade. He was in fear of loving of being free and less guarded but you showed him that you would welcome him with open arms despite his imperfections. And for that...I am truly thankful to you." Cronus greets me with a warm smile.

My trembling hands quickly snap up to cover my face to hide my tearing eyes and quivering lips. Why do his words pain me so much? Why do his words kill me from within? I do not know what I must do. I do not know if I must sacrifice myself or him in the process.

I hear footsteps taken towards me at a quick pace warm hands clamp around my shoulders whilst he brings me into his chest. "Hush now. There is no need to cry now, for as I said all shall be well." He whispers soothingly comforting the misery of my heart as my soft sobs are captured by his chest and my gushing tears are soaked by his shirt.

Several pickup trucks are parked out the main gate Cronus's warriors chattering among themselves throwing their backpacks into the trunks. Some are waiting by the car door for their Alpha to get in.

My pack members wave and smile their goodbyes to him especially the females who are upset with his departure.

"I shall see you again, brother." Cronus says holding Deimos's palm giving it a firm shake. They do speak more but with their eyes and Deimos responds with a curt nod and a soft smile. One that reaches his eyes.

"I hope you shall inform me of the good news soon." Deimos mutters.

"If you are talking about my mate, you shall be the first to know." Cronus replies. Taking a step towards me he snuggles into Kal pressing his nose into my male's neck taking in his scent. "Goodbye, little one."

"I can hold Kal if you'd like to say your wishes to Cronus." Deimos says to me peering down at his sleeping male cuddled in my arms. He does not meet my eyes like before these days merely sweeping past my flesh even when he speaks with me.

"Here." I give Kal to Deimos who gently eases him from my arms fastening the blanket tightly around his body making sure the head is secured under it. He turns around swiftly walking towards the pack members who turn their loud chatters into whispers as to not wake up the pup.

A small pup walks over to Deimos tugging on the end of his shirt as a sign of asking for his attention. He peers down at her as she says something to him. He nods with a soft smile agreeing to her words and slowly squats near her.

The pup shifts closer to him as he allows her to peek at Kal. Her eyes widen and she whispers something in Deimos's ear as he leans towards her as if she is spewing a secret. He begins to cackle to what she said his right palm reaching up to ruffle her hair.

His laughter is truly one of a kind. One that could brighten up a room clouded by darkness and turn gloominess into light. His lips curl up at the sides teeth on display eyes gleaming. I smile at his booming hysteric that pulls in curiosity from every wolf present including me.

"His laughter is quite contagious at times." Cronus whispers at my side.

"Is it truly not?" I chuckle tearing my eyes away from him to meet with Cronus's who does the same to meet mine.

"I will miss you, Luna." He says.

"I will miss you more. Call me more often, please. And I cannot wait for the day you find your female. I hope to be good friends with her." I whisper.

"Alpha, we are all set." One of his warriors calls out to him. Cronus turns to give him a curt nod of acknowledgement whilst directing his attention back to me.

"I cannot wait for the day as well rather I am finding patience turning out to become my worst enemy." He chuckles. Bringing me into another soft quick hug he whispers, "Take care of yourself, okay? Goodbye, Luna."

"This reminds me of the first time of your departure when you left with your sister." I say as he pushes himself off me heading towards his car whilst I follow after him.

"This is a different situation now, though." He utters getting into the passenger seat. The trucks behind him roar as their engines spark to life.

"How so?" I question frowning.

His eyes stray away to plunge into something behind me. "You have a family now. *You are loved*." And with a final wave and a gentle smile that saddens me, he shuts the car door to his side as his warriors and him drive away from our pack lands.

I stay still for a while as I am staring at the vehicles until they disappear out of view. His words thundering in the depths of my soul brewing a storm that wishes to show its wrath.

I turn behind to meet with the emeralds that never leave my flesh only to not find them. Deimos wasn't there as he would always be waiting for me rather only my pack members remain. A sudden pang strikes my chest and I place my palm over my beating heart to ease the tension of my heartbeat.

Taking slow steps back inside, the gate is shut close and locked behind me. The crowd offers me their smiles of farewell and quickly begin to disperse back to the comfort of their homes. I take a slow deep shaky breath, cloudiness erupting in the base of my chest for somehow it feels lonely.

I had never for a second felt lonely in this pack for I had my females, I had Elriam and I had...Deimos. I still have my females, I still have Elriam but he is missing. How did he manage to surpass all others?

I had always been fine on my own but then he paved his way like a sudden storm that bounds you to the power and beauty of its thunder and lightning. It gets harder with each day my fight dissolving yet my deliverance of his sin, I find it to be the hardest of all.

Something in my heart stirs and one of my cherished memories of him sparks to life. The day he showed me his cabin he built growing up. I thought I knew him inside out yet there always seems to be that wall between us I cannot break down. That blindness that we cannot escape.

Closing my eyes trying to fight my new thoughts that wish to take over my senses and actions. "I do not think that is a good idea." I whisper to myself yet my mind does not pay heed to my own words. Quite amusing it truly is.

Cursing for not having the will to fight me I turn swiftly heading towards a parked car. The pack has several vehicles in their possession but there is only one dedicated for Deimos's private use.

Getting into the driver seat I start the engine. I did learn to drive back in my prior pack rather I drove myself everywhere. Yet after I had come here there was no need to.

Rolling down the windows allowing the breeze to swim throughout the car I indulge in the feelings of tranquillity it gives me.

I do not know why I feel pulled to go to that place now and all of a sudden. But perhaps to relive it. Perhaps to somehow go back in time.

The drive is quite short for it isn't far from the castle. Gazing at the familiar yet distant hills I smile to myself. I remember how the beats of my heart picked up and I held my breath. I bet he was nervous as well but didn't show it.

Parking near the cabin my hands clutch the steering wheel tighter. I am anxious yet a part of me is excited to be here. As if I were the long last lover who had finally returned to comfort the one who was forgotten. This cabin I want to make it a safe haven for Kal just as it was to Deimos but when my male grows to become a juvenile. I want it to be a place he can always come to, a place he would call his.

Striding down the stone path I chuckle to myself my palm held over my beating heart. Feels like the first time somehow and nervousness floods me.

My eyes wander around the area and I finally get a good look at the cabin. Deimos has indeed built it excellently no wonder he could do Kal's crib with perfection. I wonder if he did it himself or if our wolves helped him. The roof needs to be fixed and the door needs a slight polish.

Opening the door has me thinking I need to get a new handle as well. It has lost its colour and looks rusty. Not a good sign. Perhaps I can call on my wolves with Deimos's permission of course for this cabin is something he holds close to his heart.

I am quite sure he would allow it for it is for his male. And maybe he could help in drawing up some plans and we- "Deimos?" I question my eyes widening as I stand still at the doorway my breath caught in my throat.

He bounds Kal to his chest in his left hand whilst his right stirs the dish cooking upon the stove. Soft music plays in the background and he halts to my voice eyes stuck on me sweeping down my flesh, a deep frown paints his face as if he is pondering over if I am real or a fragment of his hallucination.

"What are you doing here?" I question not making a move to get inside. Why are we both here? At the same place. I came here to relax yet why must he be here as well? Is this why I was called here? Was this the secret doing of our bond?

"Spending time with Kal." He replies to my question that pulls him back from his haze. He doesn't say anymore going back to his cooking tearing his eyes off me. He acts though as his interest lies elsewhere rather than his female who stands in front of him. Is this his truth or is this an act? Is this because of my words to him? Because I said I hated him?

Clearing my throat several questions slip past my lips. "Do you come here often? How come I did not see any cars out? What about Kal, how did you bring him?"

"Yes. Only with Kal for I keep getting disturbed in our pack when my time comes for me to spend with him. I park my car elsewhere and walk here so my male can enjoy the freshness of nature. I have a special seat for pups installed in my passenger seat." He speaks merely to answer my questions not saying anything else whilst turning the stove off eyes still away from me.

"Right. I see. This...this is your private time with him. I shall leave now." I give a curt nod whispering my words to him. With a final glance at my male who calls for his father's attention with his coos and moans, I turn around swiftly prepared to leave. I shall perhaps come her another time. What did I even come here for?

"Stay." He speaks from behind me halting my movements. I swallow visibly turning my hands into fists my back still turned to him.

"I have some matters to attend to." I lie straight through my teeth.

"You must learn to lie better, mate. You came all the way here and it would make you feel empty to leave just like that. Stay." He mutters.

I swiftly turn around words of disapproval patiently waiting to be thrown at him. Yet when my eyes find his flesh as he sips on the dish he cooked from the large wooden spoon for a taste I am swayed.

I look around the cabin, the low ceilings, lamps that make the room livelier, the warm kitchen light that lights up the counter and finally the two males present that shine brighter to me than the sun. This is what I wanted, this was the dream I fought hard for.

My eyes stray down to the door block that sort of pushes me to make a decision. I can choose to take a step forward or a step back. It has been almost four months since he and I have been together alone in one room. I do not want him to take this as a sign of my forgiveness or a move forward in our journey. I think it is better to leav-

"Do not think too much of this. I am merely inviting you in for I think it is almost time to feed our male. I do not think he will wait for the ride back home. You may also eat what I have made if you wish to for I unknowingly made more than I eat." He says shattering my inner struggle whilst pouring the dish into two bowls easing the tension of my thoughts.

I look at the clock hanging on the wall on the opposite side of the room. There is time. There is enough time for me to take Kal home now with me and feed him. I can do that. But I...I won't do it for I do not wish to shorten the time he has with his male.

Shutting my eyes close I take a slow breath in calming to register my taken decision. My right foot takes the first step forward followed by my left. Deimos still has his eyes away from me his attention on fixing lunch.

Closing the door softly behind me I head towards the sofa plopping on it sitting straight not comfortable enough to lean back. Rubbing my hands together to ease my bubbling nervousness whilst my ears pick up the sharp clanging of utensils.

He strides towards the sofa and my heartbeat quickens as if it were on a race. I keep my eyes glued to the small table in front of me. Kal keeps talking to us making his bubbly noises as always content that Deimos and I are both here.

He places the bowl on the table that my eyes lay upon. I look up at him to whisper my thanks. "Eat it when it is hot for it does not taste good when eaten cold. The flavour dies."

I give him a curt nod staring at the steam the heat of the dish produces. He takes a seat at the other end of the sofa putting enough distance between us. There is a deep silence between us, not one that is comforting but an awkward one that I wish to escape.

Deimos tickles Kal's belly as he begins to laugh mouth curling wide at the sides tiny hands reaching to pull on his father's beard. My attention turns to the sofa we both are seated on and sudden memories flash in my mind of what we did on top of this. I take a shaky breath in as his eyes snap to mine figuring out what I am thinking.

He swallows harshly eyes dropping to my lower lip that my teeth sink into. Our instincts are fighting with the other trying to win over the weakest now that we are in a situation we ought not to be in. He breaths through his slightly ajar mouth so that he can escape the essence of my scent. It is a true struggle for him just as it is for me.

There are no other scents for us to take but each other and Kal's. But Kal is merely a pup and it shall take more years to grow stronger. His scent pulls me in cradling me as if I were fragile. Our eyes do not leave each other our chests pulling in to take heavy breaths.

He makes no move towards me merely watching with his emeralds taking me in to sate the hunger that clouds over him. Not a sexual one but one of comfort and warmth. One he had craved with the entirety of his heart and mind. His soul is bare for me to sink into and drown.

I can choose to see whatever I wish, I can gather anything I need to use against him for our trials. He gives me such freedom to tie him down if it pleases me. He wants me to do whatever I wish to satisfy my hate.

I shake my head a deep frown on my face. "I-I did not mean it. I just-" His emotions flood my senses swiftly and what Cronus had said to me was true. He is drowning.

"Do you not wish to eat? Do you need to take Kal back home? It is all right, you may take him I can spend more time perhaps tomo-" He begins to speak changing the topic swiftly after analyzing my body language for he cannot read my thoughts. There are no walls around him but there is one I have up. He shifts preparing to get up and I stop him.

"I did not mean it." I declare my truth without further hesitation. It is not right of me to sweep it under the rug and allow him to slowly tear himself away.

"Mean what?" He frowns leaning back into the sofa.

"When I said that I hated you, I did not mean it. I was furious and frustrated and I took it out on you. My feelings of you are different but not hate."

He keeps silent for a few minutes taking in my words I just uttered to him. His eyes do not stray away from mine even when Kal demands his attention. "Answer me, this. Do you look at me as your male whom you can forgive or your Alpha tied down to his title whom you shall never deliver what he seeks?"

It was not an easy question. It can bring us together and see light at the end of this dark road or show us the truth that we are not meant for each other. It could break us apart. But he is leaving that for me to decide as he stands in the same position of his feelings for me.

"For me you were, is and shall always be my light. No matter what your emotions towards me, no matter our trials and tribulations, no matter our sins to each other. Your place for me shall always be here." He places his palm over his beating heart eyes giving me proof of his truth. I remember the first time I met him he had told me my place was beneath him yet now it has changed to become a part of him. Being one. Being equal.

"I do not know the answer to your question. I am conflicted, I feel as though I may never see you in that light again. My soul is not healing, Deimos. It has not scarred yet, the flesh is raw and bleeding. I want to forget everything and just be peaceful. Even if I decide to become a family, you may never be mine again." I say waiting for his reaction to the painful strike of my words.

But there is no visible reaction from him and his heart remains the same. He takes my words in with strength and does not fall. He takes my words in understanding and does not waver.

"I believe we can get through this, mate." He says softly the words he had kept within for a while.

"Get through this how? Get through this how Deimos? You speak as if it is easy to do so. Perhaps I need to understand this tradition, this situation further but even thinking of it makes me gag and images I wish to burn flood my mind. Put yourself in my shoes, feel the betrayal I am being destroyed by." My voice raising blood burning in my veins. My lips quiver whilst my hands tremble for I am showing him my truth little by little.

He remains his calm self merely taking in every word I say to him. "It is quite easy indeed. We do it together." He mutters.

"There is nothing else left to do together." I whisper digging my nails into the flesh of my palms.

"There is one, mate. *To walk through the fire." *

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